My mum would talk about wanting to breastfeed my baby

It's just a bit of living in the past and also wanting to help someone she loves.

It's not a big deal or weird at all.

It's the same as say a kid with soaking wet shoes and socks crying as it's horrible, and the grandmother saying "I'd give you mine if I could (but they wouldn't fit)."

It's not a boob thing or weird. It's a help thing.

It's been a long time since this happened Op. why are you still focused on it? How is your relationship now?

It's just a silly throwaway comment. Possible also she regrets not having breastfed her own DCs now that she's seen you do it and witnessed the bond it creates.

But no; people on MN want to tell you she's a pervert or weird or disgusting because they don't speak to their own mums or their own mums are horrible and they want other posters to have a failed relationship with their parents to validate their own choices.

Why don't you ask her why she didn't breastfeed you and your siblings? It tuned out my mum had tried to bf us but had been firmly told by the MW that she didn't have enough milk and to give a bottle and in those days you didn't question the professionals. My grandma also wanted a role and had also put the pressure on. My mum even had a little weep about it.

Her comments really don't sound that bad. My baby used to nestle into my husband's chest and he would say the same!

I did not!

My mum has made similar comments. And other comments too like ooo you just need a nipple to suck don’t you.

It mildly bothers me but not enough to say anything

I personally wouldn't have minded. It's not that long ago babies were often breastfed by other women, my grandmother was.
I bf my 3 last over 14 years ago and still get a weird tingle in my boobs when I hear a little baby crying for milk. I can imagine saying something stupid if I ever have GC.
OP it's fair enough to find it a bit annoying or weird even if others wouldn't. The best thing to do is gently address it at the time.

Sorry I just can’t get worked up about these comments. My DD is 18 months old and still feeding but is a massive grandmas girl at the moment. She recently was trying to pull up my mums top, we were all laughing that she was never going to get anything out of those long dried up boobies.

The i would feed you if i could is surely just stating a fact, if she could feed him she would, but she can’t so won’t. It’s not like she has said he wants to feed off my breast.

Why did the Grandma react badly when told that the baby rooted with the OP's DH? (The babies father).

You didn't read my follow up then?

Young babies will ‘root’ when held by anyone.
A baby niece did it when held by a completely bald 90 year old step-great grandfather. Cause of much mirth to everyone, including him.

I have to say, I've been around these parts for 18 years and I've seen odd things happen in terms of how parents now feel so much a sense of 'ownership' around their children/babies.

Maybe it's to do with social media and the woman having babies now feel as though their lives have been shared too much and they don't want that for their children. I get that.

But, if you are from a decent and reasonable family, they probably just have your best interests at heart and are making casual comments that are quite normal within a decent family dynamic.

Agree with @MagAmberson and @saraclara She obviously really loves her grandchild very much and is apologising for not being able to give them what they need, definitely wouldn’t read too much into it. I find it odd that people are saying that this is odd behaviour, what kind of relationship do you all have with your mothers that this would upset you?

No it's not.

That would be a mad response.

Honestly, you big loon.

Hard agree.

Don't look for problems where they don't exist.

It's just a casual comment that women may make to each other, not a pervert's charter.

It does boggle my mind a bit how many women on MN look to make very usual interactions into something wrong.

Nanny is simply apologising, in a jokey way, for not being able to help with what he wants.

This thread is bizarre. These kinds of comments are not remotely unusual from anyone, friends or family, holding a baby who's hungry. It's vaguely amusing when a baby tries to root to no avail.

Hyper-analysing the exact wording to believe that the person is actually wanting to breastfeed your child, is just daft, and probably hormone related. I'm surprised to see so many on this thread indulging it. Some of those poster's responses creep me out, to be honest.

I was seconds away from BFing a friend's child once when I was looking after them and they were absolutely inconsolable. I actually wouldn't have minded if another woman that was looking after my babies did that, but I didn't because I knew she would have!

But, I'm very relaxed about wet-nurse type scenarios. I always think it's about the baby's needs, not the mother's.

Ah OP, I'm just getting a vibe that she felt a bit sad that she didn't BF herself because it may not have been supported, and she feels very maternal and loving towards her GC.

I don't think it's anything more than that.

For what it's worth - I do think your DD was over reacting on that one.

I can't even count all the times that joke was made by various family members and friends (male and female) when holding my baby and they started rooting - so many people used to say 'no use looking at me' in that scenario. It's just a bit silly funny.

My SIL once said, about me, to my 3-4mth old nephew herself 'just because hers are bigger doesn't mean they're working'. Everyone just laughed. It's funny.

The film Look Who's Talking - literally made entire audiences all over the world laugh - when the girl with extremely big boobs, was cooing over the baby and John Travolta said to the baby - 'you thinking what I'm thinking' and the voice over of the baby said 'yeah LUNCH'. Can't remember but either way, it's a funny joke.

Think you were very kind to be honest - if I'd have said that as a response I think my family would have thought I'd lost my mind and they'd have told me straight up 'don't be so bloody ridiculous!'.

Reading the original OP's thread back I think I put alot more onus on the 'FROM ME' part.

But actually, people who fall on the side of 'over reacting' could be right - because that's an example of it's not what you say - it's how you say it. 'Look he wants milk from me' - if someone said it with the onus on the 'from me' - it would be weird as if saying 'he wants me specifically to breastfeed him because he loves me more'. Which is what I took OP to be saying. Obviously that's, in your DD's words, 'wrong on so many levels'.

But if just pointing out the baby is rooting - not weird.

Tell her DH is taking the hormones this time and will be helping.

Refer her to various articles of biological men chest feeding if she think you're being ridiculous. If that doesn't stop her, nothing will.

I agree

Seeing our own dc with dc can stir wistful feelings but not if they didn't bf themselves!!

My mum always said her baby having a baby made the baby feel like her baby…sorry that is a weird way of wording it.

I rolled my eyes and found some comments a bit weird. I always shut down with a snarky comment of my own. I can see why it makes you feel uncomfortable. Just be honest with her, she’s your mum at the end of the day. She’s probably overwhelmed with emotion/love and hasn’t realised what a weird thing to say that is!

I don’t think you’re overreacting OP, you’ve remembered what it was like last time you had a small baby and how you felt undermined, or whatever the feeling was, by your mum at a time that you were possibly vulnerable, hormonal and needed people to support you.

I had a similar thing with my stepmum. I’d mostly forgotten her obsession with me feeding DD, not least because her criticisms extended to cover most of our parenting decisions over the following years until I put a stop to it. But when I was back there happily feeding a newborn doing completely normal non remarkable newborn stuff I had an almost visceral reaction to remembering the constant nit picking and for someone who rarely feels rage it made me feel absolutely furious.

You're not far off a time when you can anticipate your mum being weird about it again and you feel anxious, defensive and protective of yourself and your baby.

OP says she her mum didn’t bf and never wanted to.