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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a Fuck Off Fund?

62 replies

TheBeesKnee · 24/08/2024 15:15

I currently have 6 months' salary in Premium Bonds that I'm topping up with bonuses, birthday money and any dribs and drabs that come in. My aim is to get it to full holdings.

It gives me comfort to have relatively liquid cash that I can use in the event that I need to suddenly start over.

Sometimes I am so cross/fed up with DP that I daydream about buying a little flat somewhere by myself and decorating it exactly as I want and working on creative projects every other weekend while he has DS.

This feeling normally subsides pretty quickly but I like having the "option" there as a reality that I wouldn't have if I'd put that money into our mortgage.

To be clear, this is separate from savings/investments etc and is earmarked for this specific purpose.

YABU - I do not have a FOF
YANBU - I have a FOF

OP posts:
murphys · 24/08/2024 18:40

I didn't have one, and I so wish I had. Hard times will have just been that little bit easier if I had.

My dd has one as a result. I was insistent on it since the day I realised it's importance. Putting funds into it wasn't always that easy but it's there.

Now, recently at age 21 she had to use it. I dread to think of the situation she could have been in if it wasn't there.

So I will now help her to set up another.

BigTwat · 24/08/2024 18:37

It somewhat depends on how you and your DP structure money. If you're siphoning off 'family' money and DP doesn't have any savings or is the higher earner and subsiding your FOF then you are unreasonable. (A man doing this would be highly criticised on here)

hoeever, If DP has their own savings too or you keep all money separate and pay for your lifestyles equally then no, you're fine.

LiterallyOnFire · 24/08/2024 18:33

YANBU, OP.

Thinking about it, it was the need for choices (and FO choice is the biggest choice), that pushed me to earn much more. I had soft pedalled through the pre school years and several more years of caring responsibilities, but at a certain point I realised I needed options even if the delegation and juggle would be a nightmare.

ThePrologue · 24/08/2024 18:32

WearyAuldWumman · 24/08/2024 18:21

You have a much better chance of a win with full holdings.

Show quote history

Yes, have acknowledged this!!
I understand!

LiterallyOnFire · 24/08/2024 18:31

It doesn't matter if you have 1 bond (holding) or 50,000, you number assigned to each bond is entered into draw. Of course, the more you have, the greater your chance of winning.

Well quite. Meanwhile you still hold the bonds. So why would maxing out your holding not be worth doing? It's a thread about a FO fund.

Sallyingon · 24/08/2024 18:28

It's a good idea but no,.it would be impossible on our wages. I can just about save enough for holidays

WearyAuldWumman · 24/08/2024 18:23

My late mum told me always to have an account my husband didn't know about. Most women don't need it, but it's pretty dire for those who need it and don't have it.

WearyAuldWumman · 24/08/2024 18:21

ThePrologue · 24/08/2024 15:30

Why do you want full holdings? Your numbers are entered into each draw regardless of number held!

You have a much better chance of a win with full holdings.

ThePrologue · 24/08/2024 18:17

LiterallyOnFire · 24/08/2024 17:21

Please explain that.

Show quote history

It doesn't matter if you have 1 bond (holding) or 50,000, you number assigned to each bond is entered into draw. Of course, the more you have, the greater your chance of winning.

LiterallyOnFire · 24/08/2024 17:21

ThePrologue · 24/08/2024 15:30

Why do you want full holdings? Your numbers are entered into each draw regardless of number held!

Please explain that.

GingerPirate · 24/08/2024 17:20

No, it's fine, wise even.
Fuck off fund! 😂

ScrollingLeaves · 24/08/2024 16:39

My mother-in-law herself told me that I should have running away money.

(Even though her son does not need running away from.)

LondonLass61 · 24/08/2024 16:32

YANBU - far from it. Both my grandmothers told me that women should always have a secret fund. Mine was invaluable when my ex cleared out our bank ac.

Pixiedust1234 · 24/08/2024 16:31

I think it's very sensible to have one if you can. It is something I have deeply regretted not having as I've been trapped for a very long time.

ThePrologue · 24/08/2024 16:28

Jc2001 · 24/08/2024 16:17

The more you hold the more chance of winning you have because you have more numbers entering the draw.

Edited
Show quote history

Yes, understand! See previous post!🙂

Dollmeup · 24/08/2024 16:26

My partner and I don't have joint accounts, and never will. I'd be quite happy for him to have separate savings but he's a bit shit with money and ends up spending any extra he has (though is fine with bills, mortgage etc).

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 24/08/2024 16:21

eggandchip · 24/08/2024 15:51

Anyone with a brain cell would have one.
Have a pocket he knows about and a pocket he dont.
Ive always have had pocket know one knows about.
Im also a minimalist so if shit hits the fan ive got nothing to lose but always got funds to cover me.

So people who can't afford to save don't have a brain cell? Lovely

Jc2001 · 24/08/2024 16:17

ThePrologue · 24/08/2024 15:30

Why do you want full holdings? Your numbers are entered into each draw regardless of number held!

The more you hold the more chance of winning you have because you have more numbers entering the draw.

Prisonbreak · 24/08/2024 16:15

I started my fuck off fund long before I met my partner. It was something my mother ingrained into me. Keep myself financially secure at all costs. It has a very nice sum of money in it that I continue to top up. It has also been a great security blanket

AcrossthePond55 · 24/08/2024 16:13

Since you aren't married he has no legal entitlement to that money in the event of a split, so don't think of it as a FOF just think of it as 'my rainy day savings' and let it go at that.

And since you aren't married, if you are financially dependent on him or have nowhere else to go in the event of a split, having your own savings is even more imperative. The same is true in the event of his death if you don't have joint finances.

mynewusername2023 · 24/08/2024 16:09

Not that I've ever thought I'd need it but I have 2 years salary that I could access immediately if needed. My DH knows about it and he has about the same.

They are just out separate savings but neither of us has access to each others accounts (we've always kept our finances separate apart from a fund for home improvements).

loropianalover · 24/08/2024 16:06

I have what I would consider as a fuck off fund, but it’s not for moving out or starting a new life etc.

It’s more for when I get consumed by the monotonous routine of life and working, or if I watch too many TikTok’s of people on gorgeous yachts or in the Hamptons. I take from my ‘fuck off fund’ to treat myself to something so I can feel special for a little bit. It ain’t easy being materialistic but not a millionaire 🤣

Waystation · 24/08/2024 16:01

I have had one since I was 14 my wonderful DF started it for me and added money to it every month until his death - my DH knows about it and fully approves and has recently put a sum away for our DD. Thankfully I have never needed it.

Wherearemymarbles · 24/08/2024 16:00

My wife has one, or in fact 22. (Isa’s)
Nothing stopping her cashing in the lot on Tuesday and eloping to Gretna Green.

CandiedPrincess · 24/08/2024 15:54

I have savings that my DH knows about and I have an equal amount that he doesn't. It shall stay that way.

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