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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a Fuck Off Fund?

62 replies

TheBeesKnee · 24/08/2024 15:15

I currently have 6 months' salary in Premium Bonds that I'm topping up with bonuses, birthday money and any dribs and drabs that come in. My aim is to get it to full holdings.

It gives me comfort to have relatively liquid cash that I can use in the event that I need to suddenly start over.

Sometimes I am so cross/fed up with DP that I daydream about buying a little flat somewhere by myself and decorating it exactly as I want and working on creative projects every other weekend while he has DS.

This feeling normally subsides pretty quickly but I like having the "option" there as a reality that I wouldn't have if I'd put that money into our mortgage.

To be clear, this is separate from savings/investments etc and is earmarked for this specific purpose.

YABU - I do not have a FOF
YANBU - I have a FOF

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
westisbest1982 · 25/08/2024 10:22

FetaCheeseManiac · 25/08/2024 09:56

How much is a Full Holding of PB’s and why is that a good thing to have?

So far I have £24k in PB and don’t win much 🤷‍♀️

It’s £50K and means you’re more likely to win prizes every month, also prizes are interest free so you won’t get taxed.

Everybody should have an emergency fund, regardless of gender and relationship status. I was raised to believe that you should always have someone to financially rely on, but life experience and spending too much time on here has made be feel differently,

EBearhug · 25/08/2024 10:19

My mother advised always having a running away fund.

FetaCheeseManiac · 25/08/2024 10:16

I agree. If I had my time again I’d put £100 in a secret account every month. I’d have £40k by now 😞

I do have access to money with just my name on, but since it’s family money my DH goes in and out if it.

AmandaHoldensLips · 25/08/2024 10:13

Every woman should have any emergency fund that she can access in times of need. Being reliant upon a man is a dangerous position to put oneself in.

CheeseWisely · 25/08/2024 10:03

Well, I don't have it as or think about it as a 'fuck off fund' but I do have £20k in a savings account that's only in my name.

It's part of family money and used for family things when required, but whilst I've absolutely no reason to suspect he will, should the worst happen and my DH ever turn into the kind of monster we read about so often here then I like having access to money that he couldn't monitor or control.

FetaCheeseManiac · 25/08/2024 09:56

How much is a Full Holding of PB’s and why is that a good thing to have?

So far I have £24k in PB and don’t win much 🤷‍♀️

FinallyHere · 25/08/2024 09:51

In an ideal world, everyone should have funds so they are not trapped in their current living and working situation. I'm sure some wonen would be treated better if their partners didn't think they were trapped.

Snowpaw · 25/08/2024 09:03

I won up to £400 each month when I had full holdings premium bonds, not that much every month, but it was very rare that I would win nothing. Definitely was a useful income stream.

ThePrologue · 25/08/2024 06:14

TheBeesKnee · 24/08/2024 23:42

Oh I see why you're confused!

My FOF is saved in Bonds. I thought I might as well win some money!

I have a separate ISA for regular savings..

Show quote history

Ah! Thanks for explaining. Tallies with my original thought that spreading savings is better than just being in premium bonds!
Good luck. I've had a few since birth. I have won 5/8ths of fuck all!

ClickClickety · 25/08/2024 00:00

Sounds like it's a healthy outlet for when you need a bit of mental escape. Who knows, you might win the big one and get a holiday home you decorate just-so.

Fanlover1122 · 24/08/2024 23:48

blueshoes · 24/08/2024 20:41

I don't just want a FOF. I want FOM (Fuck Off Money) so that I can always tell my employer to stick it if I have had enough.

I have this…I call it my ‘fuck- you’ fund……. It’s liberating….as so many take such crap from work….its likely I am going to need it soon though- so very grateful to have it!

Original poster
TheBeesKnee · 24/08/2024 23:43

BigTwat · 24/08/2024 18:37

It somewhat depends on how you and your DP structure money. If you're siphoning off 'family' money and DP doesn't have any savings or is the higher earner and subsiding your FOF then you are unreasonable. (A man doing this would be highly criticised on here)

hoeever, If DP has their own savings too or you keep all money separate and pay for your lifestyles equally then no, you're fine.

Finances are very much separate except for a joint account into which we pay for the mortgage, bills and food equally.

We earn about the same although he does not have the possibility of bonuses.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheBeesKnee · 24/08/2024 23:42

LiterallyOnFire · 24/08/2024 18:31

It doesn't matter if you have 1 bond (holding) or 50,000, you number assigned to each bond is entered into draw. Of course, the more you have, the greater your chance of winning.

Well quite. Meanwhile you still hold the bonds. So why would maxing out your holding not be worth doing? It's a thread about a FO fund.

Oh I see why you're confused!

My FOF is saved in Bonds. I thought I might as well win some money!

I have a separate ISA for regular savings..

OP posts:
BESTAUNTB · 24/08/2024 22:40

This is sensible if finances allow.

Nat6999 · 24/08/2024 20:57

I wish I'd had one, would have been a massive help when I left exh.

vidflex · 24/08/2024 20:55

I have one. My dh has always known about it. I had to flee with my children when I was in my late twenties. My exh made sure I left with only our clothes in a few bags. Severe financial control. And I swore I'd never find myself in that situation ever again.

I've had to dip into it twice. Once to get my dd into a new safe home after her bf assaulted her. And again to pay for private treatment for my ds. It's not just a FOF anymore, it's my emergency help money.

Dh also has his pot.

SquirrelHash · 24/08/2024 20:52

I have one, though it wasn't set up for that purpose, I like having it. He knows about it. He has separate stuff too, though he likes to put it in VCTs to stick it to the tax man a bit. It's a good feeling being of independent means to one another, I think it gives us both a good feeling in a way. The balance of power feels right.

blueshoes · 24/08/2024 20:41

I don't just want a FOF. I want FOM (Fuck Off Money) so that I can always tell my employer to stick it if I have had enough.

blueshoes · 24/08/2024 20:39

LondonLass61 · 24/08/2024 16:32

YANBU - far from it. Both my grandmothers told me that women should always have a secret fund. Mine was invaluable when my ex cleared out our bank ac.

Secret fund? Can't I just open a bank account in my own name?

PandaChopChop · 24/08/2024 20:35

I didnt have one the first time I wanted to leave and had separated. By the time I knew I was ready to leave for good I had one.

I will be instilling this principle in both my DC and I dream of winning the lottery of having enough money to put one away for DSis.

murphys · 24/08/2024 20:28

eggandchip · 24/08/2024 15:51

Anyone with a brain cell would have one.
Have a pocket he knows about and a pocket he dont.
Ive always have had pocket know one knows about.
Im also a minimalist so if shit hits the fan ive got nothing to lose but always got funds to cover me.

This is a bit harsh.

It's not always thought about as necessary
It's not always an affordable option to all

If nothing else, perhaps OP posting this might make some think about the fact it is sometimes very necessary, and it might take a little planning to get going.

Please don't imply people have no brain cells as they haven't done as you have.

GivingitToGod · 24/08/2024 20:16

I would imagine that most mothers/partners/wives dream of 'escaping' at times and having a getaway for personal space/DIY projects. Wouldn't it be great to have some 'me' space away from it all at times?.In the real world, most people I know don't have the funds to have a FOFs. FOFs are different to having your own financial resources (including wages). Years ago, it was the norm for most women to be financially dependent on their husbands.Thankfully, those days are over .

Barney16 · 24/08/2024 20:04

I do. The only person who knows about it is my daughter. I love my partner but have learnt from previous relationship to be extremely cagey (secretive) about my money.

timenowplease · 24/08/2024 19:05

Always a great idea. Even it it's just an incentive to save.

When you max out the bonds get an high interest ISA OP. They have a better rate of return.

GreatTheCat · 24/08/2024 18:52

Yep, I had the house and 50k. Wasn't married.