Dreading seeing other Mum at school

Honestly I think a long break from social media is the answer OP - it can exacerbate this sort of anxiety no end. I came off it completely a year or so after DC were born as the competitive parent posts were making me feel quite anxious. Made a huge difference to my mental health generally!

Unblock and then mute if you still think the posts will bother you. If anything is ever said - and I very much doubt it would be - you can truthfully say she isn’t blocked.
Stay off social media for a bit and be friendly on the school run with nothing to worry about and maybe you’ll make new friends.

Just unblock her. She might not have even noticed.

I am so happy to not have any social media. It turns adults into teens imo.

Nothing wrong with being selective to who you follow and block.
Sometimes life looks so good online.
Cliquey groups at school are best avoided.
Im so glad i miss the pickup and go in later to avoid all this bs.
You will find some nice mums along the way.

Firstly, deactivate social media for a while. It’s healthy to have a detox from time to time, and this way, if she mentions you’ve vanished from Facebook, you can say you’re having a break from it. Not a lie, just an omission of truth. Hopefully that will alleviate the short term anxiety. If/when you reactivate, either add her back if you want her on there (she’ll probably think nothing of it), or just leave it and don’t mention it. She might not have even noticed.

Secondly, send your child to the party and don’t mention any of this. But for your own protection, try not to think of this as an olive branch for you. You’ve clearly drifted apart, and it’s common for parents to invite a large volume of kids to children’s birthday parties. But it will be good for your child to attend. If you have a partner, maybe ask them to accompany your child to the party if you’re still feeling sensitive about it.

Finally, try to work on your personal resilience. I get it. It hurts when you’re left out and when friends dump you. I long ago gave up on the idea of making school mum friends and now think I dodged a bullet by avoiding all the immature playground clique drama. As a PP said, school is for the kids, not parents. Join groups based on things that interest you and try and make one or two lovely close friends with shared hobbies and passions, and shut your heart off to all this stuff. It’s not worth it, believe me.

Wow lots of nasty comments on here, OP I think you’re not being unreasonable but it’s just how some people are sadly. I’ve had similar experience with school mums, I’ve had children in school for almost 14 years and it’s always the same kind of people who think they’re queen bee social butterflies. My eldest daughter had the worst mums, and I’ve often found girl mums to be the hardest to get in with. Never had an issue with the boy mums! One mum even forgot my name after the girls had left year 6, I saw her in the street and she didn’t even recognise me even though our girls were really good friends and her daughter had been over to my house etc etc! It’s tough to feel that kind of rejection when you’ve made an effort, but I just chalked it up to them being really cliquey and they just didn’t want any new friends. I’ve also had experience with my other little girl being left out of play dates and birthday parties in reception, by girls who she was very good friends with in nursery. It’s tough to explain to a little child! Nobody likes to feel rejected, but it’s important not to take it too personally. This is your opportunity to introduce yourself to other mums in the playground who you might have previously overlooked.

OP I think some posters have not been very understanding on here and perhaps can't relate to how hurt you feel as they can let go of friendships more easily.

I was in a very similar position four years ago. I'd been friends with a mum for 6 years and as soon as our sons moved into the next school year she befriended a group of mums but failed to introduce me. I was really hurt but having low self esteem and feeling mentally fragile at the time, I wasn't able to join in or introduce myself. Within in two weeks she had moved on and my son lost his best friend to a boy of one of the mums. I found it very hard to get over but I did eventually recover and make new friends, one of which I met on Peanut app for meeting local mums. Another I made at a playgroup and another previous acquaintance grew into a friendship.

I think if you can unblock this lady and try to make a little eye contact at school then that will help ease the awkwardness and hopefully your children can at least remain friends. Then focus on building on the friendships you do have and creating new ones. As an another poster said, you will be very busy with your new baby soon so maintaining friendships will be tricky anyway. Perhaps you could make new friends with mums with a new baby the same age a bit later down the line?

I understand how you feel. My daughter had a friendship like this and so I became quite friendly with her mum. We went on a night out, had coffee every week while they danced and chatted a lot on WhatsApp.

Our daughters were best friends but it was always me asking her daughter round for a play date and her saying no we’re too busy.

By year 2, my daughter was struggling with school and really bad anxiety so we decided to home educate her. This mum knew exactly what my daughter had been going through, yet she wasn’t happy with our decision because her girl had been saying she wanted to be home educated and I’d put her in an awkward position?! Sorry that my autistic daughter has caused you so much trouble!

Not once did she ask how she was after she left. No message to ask how she’s getting on, nothing. Blanked us at a class party too. Just completely erased us from her life. So I blocked her on everything because I do not need that in my life.

She was badly bullied in high school so you’d think she’d treat people better! Nah, she thinks she’s better than everyone else. I’d block her again if I had to, regret nothing.

Oh yes I've been through similar. With someone that I liked hanging out with. She was interested in my partner and turned out really bad in the end. Jyst. BE really careful . If someone us causing all this drama and anxiety be cautious. And she could just be looking for a window n how you're feeling after all her behaviour. If I was you I should not appear at the party .

Agreed.

I think you're overthinking, she probably doesn't know you blocked her. Probably in the future just hide her. Sorry to be harsh, but actions have consequences so think things through next time

I think I find that (not all) but lots of mums are getting back to work or having other kids by school age and time pressure just increases- you really do just end up focusing on those friends that naturally fall into your life and those other play date mums just fall away

it’s hard not to feel excluded but just breathe and move.

surely nobody cares if they’re blocked on social media anymore ?

I think you’re overthinking and overreacting massively here. There’s obviously some other issues going on.

How many people here would be fine with spending lots of time with someone and then blanking them at the school gate? I don’t really get the voting on this, I wouldn’t like someone who did that to someone else and I certainly wouldn’t do it myself. It seems just needlessly mean. If you want society to be pleasant and warm thats how you have to behave yourself. Be the change you want to see and all that.

If you want the society your children to grow up in to be kind then you have to be kind yourself. It doesn’t mean you have to be best friends with everyone but a smile and a quick word take very little.

I speak to other mums at pick ups, friendly when I see them, and do playdates because our kids are in the same class; I’m not really fussed if I’m mates with them or not.

If we became friends it wouldn’t be the type of friendship i’d be investing heavily in whilst our kids are in school and nursery because so much changes as kids get older.

It’s rude if she’s actually ignoring you at pick ups obviously, but i would just accept she wasn’t the person I thought she was.

This 100%! I really understand the OP and don't get why some of the replies are so negative. It's upsetting when people we thought were friends act like the the OP has described.

Hi OP. Sorry you are getting so many shitty replies. Typical Mumsnet.
I don't blame you for blocking her.
Sounds like she treated you badly and you did it to make yourself feel better.
My boy is only one, and I already dread all this school mum / gate crap.
I have been to baby groups where mums haven't really made the effort to speak to me / have only seemed interested in their own friends.
I didn't make a single friend during my maternity leave, ha ha.
Only thing I would say is try not to take it personally.
Maybe she had pre existing friendships with these other mums, maybe they live close by, she knows them from other places.
Either way, the issue is not you.
Just try and rise above it and focus on the friends you do have, and your kids.
They're not worth it.
She won't even know you've blocked her will she?
I think the people saying you've caused drama are talking crap.
Finally, the way you are feeling is totally valid.
I am a fairly sensible and pretty high functioning human but am insecure and would be exactly the same.
Hope it blows over for you soon.

So true and one of the reasons I don't do social media. Causes so many problems.
People sharing their perfect lives??????????????????

I havent read the full thread but your post struck a chord with me as in some way I could have written it - except I was invited to one of the mum group catch ups quite out of the blue, and then never again. There were 5 mums who all had kids in the same years as mine and my kids were besties with theirs. My kids started to ask me why we were never invited to the get togethers, of which, there were many. I just had to divert the convo and say we had catch up with other people and highlight the benefits of not just being in one tight group. I hear you and its hard. Try to park it as you wont resolve it by ruminating and you will just get tied in knots. I dont think you are being unreasonable. Id maybe try nod/smile if they do but nothing more. Sorry you had this experience. Its not nice.

Anyhow OP, whats done is done. Try to frame school relationships as fleeting and see it as centred on your child rather than you. Stop thinking of it as a personal relationship and more as you are a PA organising your child’s schedule talking to another PA. You may find some people are more open and inclusive than others, you may not like some people etc. but your “work” here is centred on whats good for your “boss” not you. You don’t have to like or be liked to get the jobs done.

The school gates can be difficult for those of us who struggle more with social relationships or are more sensitive to rejection but it helps to not see it as personal.

I think it’s really unkind not to include someone you spent a lot of time with previously. It’s actually downright odd. I just wave people over and invite them into the conversation I’m having.

This is most likely. This sort of silly self-obsession actually makes me feel quite cross.

Most classes have 30 kids, our school is dual form so 61 kids (one has a 1-1), and 2 are twins. Some days 5 might do clubs, other days 25. That leaves minimum 34 other parents picking up, most of whom I know by name, plus all the kids themselves once collected. Then there are neighbours collecting their kids, TAs collecting their own kids, childminders we met from nursery etc. Where possible, yes I will smile/ nod at all 50 or so people who I know and are directly in my path at drop-off and pick-up. If I chat to a couple of closer mates though, then I can't do that, or there are not the 5 minutes to exchange plans for a drink / discuss someone's health issue / discuss someone's dad's funeral plans / agree to pick up their kid on Friday when they have a clash / discuss who wants to book a kid event together/ agree dates to book the same summer camps / praise their older kid getting a sports medal etc etc. Yes you can join the chat about summer camps, but no you can't join in about X's operation and related childcare support. It isn't cliques, it is just friends grabbing a few minutes that they are not sharing with you.

I know of grown adults who are really affected negatively by social media , Instagram especially.

It's so often a boast fest ''Look what I have bought! look where I have been &c''

My brother and son came off it- I came off too, and it's great! For people you really care about, one can what's app them.