Apologies in advance, English is not my first language and this might be long
I 34F and my husband 34M have been married for over 6 years and have 3 boys under 5. I am Hispanic and my husband is European, we moved to his country when our eldest was almost 1 and we have been living in his parents family home while our house is ready, is more like two apartments in the same house. The situation has come to a bad point and we are not sure what to do.
Background on MIL 60sF:
She is s very difficult person, overbearing pushy, zero respect for us as adults, as parents, the works (I have plenty examples) and as I come to find out recently, she is also racist.
It was manageable when it was just us but sense moving here I stared noticing she was treating our son like a toy: he could only play with what she wanted, the way she wanted or nothing, even if he cried,she would take away toys, not let him get away from her, not letting him eat in peace, not letting him bite anything (theething baby)or would use force to move him how she wanted, would stop him from playing with grandpa if she wasn't included, she wanted to force him to play in a sand pit knowing he can't cause he gets a bloody rash, etc (I have more examples), so we started to put boundaries with contact, we tried talking to her many times we even gave her boundaries in writing, she doesn't wanna change or understand. Over time it came to the point when she could only have supervised time with the oldest for an hour or two but only with my husband (she would fake she didn't understand me wen I tried to correct her and would ignore me). I didn't love it but it kind of worked.
Now this January during an argument with my husband that I was not part of, she made racist insults towards me and my husband yelled at her. But when I told him that it was enough and I didn't want her to have contact with the boys at all he started to packpedal a little, saying she didn't meant it that way, she said it instead of calling me the B word, she grew up in a different time and society. To me, there are so many insults out there that if you feel the need to use race as an insult you are racist, is inside you and why you are racist doesn't matter.
And you can't be a racist narcissistic asshole and still feel entitled and demand contact with mixed raced children.
Sense then she has had no contact with the boys and she is losing her marbles. She took away the keys of the area where we are living and the bathroom while we were out so we couldn't lock the doors, she only gave back the bathroom key and we had to put a deadbolt on the other doors but she can still get in when we are not inside. She also confronted me faking ignorance as to why no contact and when I told her if been racist didn't seem enough to her, she came at me screaming while I was holding my baby and I barely made it inside and closed the door with the deadbolt.
My husband is asking to go back to supervised visits because he says she is not that bad, she is not physically abusive and it would be good for the boys to have a grandma in their lives. He has fond memories of growing up with his grandparents cause they took care of him a lot while his parents worked and I think he wants the same for our boys, he also is not convinced she is racist.
To me that sounds insane, she is a horrible person and I don't want her anywhere near our boys, she doesn't even see them as people but as things that exist to make her happy. And I live stressed now not knowing what she would do next, nothing is better than her.
To be clear, my husband is very supportive and he says he is not gonna force it but is difficult for him cause is still grandma even if he also doesn't like her much. So I don't think I have a husband problem.he also has pressure from family.
We started family therapy in hopes of getting and unbiased opinion but it doesn't work like that so we are here looking for that.
So AIBU by not allowing contact anymore considering is the only grandma they physically have in here ?