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to stop in motorway SOS lay-by so DD could wee

335 replies

TheWrongBus · 24/08/2024 11:29

Genuine question, curious if there is an official/legal answer.

Driving to West Country, inevitably stuck in bad traffic jams on M25, DD9 suggests she may need a wee at some point but we’re only about an hour away from our lunch stop so I tell her ideally we’ll push through.

What I didn’t realise is that she’d drunk half her (large) bottle of water before we left home. She admits this just as we’re joining the M3 where there are seemingly permanent roadworks, no hard shoulder and emergency SOS lay-byes only.

I check and we’re around 25 minutes from the next services and at least 15 minutes from the next junction. Daughter at this point starts to cry because she’s so desperate so we decide to pull into the SOS lay-bye and hubby takes her behind the crash barrier for a wee. From what he reports it’s clearly not the first time this spot has been used in this way….

I don’t like using the lay-bye for this purpose and appreciate there are dangers to stopping there but I’m not sure what else we could have done. With the M25 traffic and the M3 roadworks I think it was at least 50 minutes between the previous M25 junction and the next M3 junction and literally nowhere we could stop between. So what else could we have done?

Am hoping they don’t fine people for using these lay-byes in a non-emergency, but given daughter literally about to wet herself isn’t it arguably a medical emergency anyway?

OP posts:
mm81736 · 24/08/2024 12:59

How would you feel if you and your family had a breakdown and couldn't get into the refuge bay because someone decided that their 9 year old's right to a comfort break trumped your family's lives?

AbbeyGrange · 24/08/2024 12:58

but given daughter literally about to wet herself isn’t it arguably a medical emergency anyway?

No it's not

Nadeed · 24/08/2024 12:57

I agree if the fastest people are going is 5mph it is not dangerous.

Jaxhog · 24/08/2024 12:57

No. You pull off at the next junction and deal with it. SOS laybys are for emergencies.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 24/08/2024 12:57

VickyEadieofThigh · 24/08/2024 12:50

Not when you're trying to re-join the motorway it's not. The police - as others have already pointed out - need to stop the traffic for this to happen safely.

Depends surely, the OP said it was a huge traffic jam so not that unsafe if everyone is bumper to bumper and going 2mph….

Nadeed · 24/08/2024 12:56

Hateam · 24/08/2024 12:54

Pretty certain that most posters here would have done the same rather than have a child piss all over the car seats.

But this is MN. Many people love to claim moral superiority by putting others down.

It isn't moral superiority. It is knowing how dangerous it is. If it was just that I might get a telling off and a fine I would stop. Its knowing it might kill us all that would make me not stop.

sunsetsandboardwalks · 24/08/2024 12:56

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 24/08/2024 12:55

Sorry what?
Hard shoulder is less safe than a lay by. Full stop.

I'm not talking about when you're in them, I'm talking about getting safely back on to the carriageway.

Before leaving, you must contact the Regional Control Centre using the SOS phone. They’ll dispatch a National Highways Traffic Officer and/or set signs and signals (red 'X') to help you back onto the motorway safely. Do not attempt to leave until you have permission from the control centre or traffic officer.

https://www.theaa.com/breakdown-cover/advice/emergency-areas#:~:text=They%20are%20signposted%20as%20'SOS,flow%20and%20increase%20driver%20safety.

WhistPie · 24/08/2024 12:56

NotOnlyFedUpButAlso · 24/08/2024 12:48

Ok, I try, I really try, not to get dragged into these derails, but I can't let this go. WhistPie, I have to assume, like me, you're local? So you consider Longacres is next to the M3? Its nearly 2 miles away. Sainsbury's at Brookwood? 4 miles from the junction. Sure if you know them, you know them, but the OP isn't local, how does she know about these places? Sainsburys off J4, what about the Meadows? All perfectly possible if you have the time, but in that case you will just stop at Fleet services.

Knowing the location of toilets wasn't the problem, managing the timing of needing the toilet clearly was.

Google Maps is your friend!

Longacres takes about 4 minutes to get to, even if the Bagshot crossing lights are on red. Sainsbury's Bracknell is a bit further away but straight up the 322 and no lights until the Coral Reef crossing.

Both much quicker than going onto Fleet, or even Sainsbury's at Camberley (the one about 2 mins off the M3, not Tesco at The Meadows btw)

And if really, really desperate, the lorry parking along the 322 where all the truckers throw their bottles full of wee!

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 24/08/2024 12:55

sunsetsandboardwalks · 24/08/2024 12:54

Really?

Why do the police need to stop traffic to allow cars to get back onto the carriageway safely then?

Sorry what?
Hard shoulder is less safe than a lay by. Full stop.

Hateam · 24/08/2024 12:54

Pretty certain that most posters here would have done the same rather than have a child piss all over the car seats.

But this is MN. Many people love to claim moral superiority by putting others down.

Nadeed · 24/08/2024 12:54

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 24/08/2024 12:53

They’re pretty big as they can hold four cars or a big lorry.
If someone gets a blow out at 70mph, they aren’t going to be able to steer into a lay by.

My DP did from the outside lane.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 24/08/2024 12:54

sunsetsandboardwalks · 24/08/2024 12:53

Because they're both for emergencies only, so it doesn't really matter which one it was.

It does in terms of all the “omg that is so dangerous, you could have died” posts.

sunsetsandboardwalks · 24/08/2024 12:54

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 24/08/2024 12:49

Yes but the SOS lay by is a lot safer than the hard shoulder.

Really?

Why do the police need to stop traffic to allow cars to get back onto the carriageway safely then?

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 24/08/2024 12:53

Grammarnut · 24/08/2024 12:51

You don't have time to pull out if someone needs the layby urgently (they may be going v. fast) and what will you do about DC still having a wee etc? Leave them? Likely to die if someone is driving in because of a tyre blow-out. Never stop in a layby/hardshoulder - SOS stops only in a dire emergency i.e. heart attack etc, major problem with car.

They’re pretty big as they can hold four cars or a big lorry.
If someone gets a blow out at 70mph, they aren’t going to be able to steer into a lay by.

sunsetsandboardwalks · 24/08/2024 12:53

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 24/08/2024 12:46

Why are posters using hard shoulder and SOS lay-byinterchangeably? They are not nearly the same thing and the SOS lay-bys are much safer than stopping on the hard shoulder.

Because they're both for emergencies only, so it doesn't really matter which one it was.

NamelessNancy · 24/08/2024 12:52

wherethecityis · 24/08/2024 12:49

This has reminded me of when we stopped on the hard shoulder. It wasn't a medical emergency but my DC stupidly opened the back door of the car as we were travelling along at 70mph. What should we have done in that situation?
Even driving along to the next junction would have been dangerous.

That's a different situation and a perfectly valid reason to stop on the hard shoulder. It's not just for medical emergencies.

VickyEadieofThigh · 24/08/2024 12:51

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 24/08/2024 12:46

When I was a kid, the leaving the house conversation went like this
Parent: ok if you haven't been to the toilet, go now
Various kids: but I don't want to go
Parent: go anyway.
We didn't leave the house until we'd all gone!
(And one of us would invariably need a wee anyway once we were on the road)
Those emergency bays on smart motorways - nothing short of a life or death emergency would induce me to stop in one. They terrify me. Apart from the obvious danger to myself, how do you live with the knowledge that you've prevented a car in real trouble from getting to safety? Things can go very wrong very quickly.
They might be three car lengths long, but a car in trouble doesn't really have the luxury of slowing down and negotiating an exit into the space that's left without smacking into your parked car.

We weren't constantly drinking from bloody water bottles, either!

Grammarnut · 24/08/2024 12:51

theduchessofspork · 24/08/2024 11:39

I mean I would have done it - you’d just pull out if someone needed it urgently.

However get an emergency potty with a lid going forward, she’s too young to aim at a traveljohn.

You don't have time to pull out if someone needs the layby urgently (they may be going v. fast) and what will you do about DC still having a wee etc? Leave them? Likely to die if someone is driving in because of a tyre blow-out. Never stop in a layby/hardshoulder - SOS stops only in a dire emergency i.e. heart attack etc, major problem with car.

Tattletail · 24/08/2024 12:50

I personally wouldn't have pulled over as just the thought of what could potentially happen makes me feel uneasy.

Could be an idea to have some emergency nappies in the glove box which DD could pop under her and wee into (if the situation occured again). Obviously not very nice but better then the dangers of a lay-by.

VickyEadieofThigh · 24/08/2024 12:50

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 24/08/2024 12:49

Yes but the SOS lay by is a lot safer than the hard shoulder.

Not when you're trying to re-join the motorway it's not. The police - as others have already pointed out - need to stop the traffic for this to happen safely.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 24/08/2024 12:49

LittleYellowCloth · 24/08/2024 12:47

They’re both for emergencies only.

Yes but the SOS lay by is a lot safer than the hard shoulder.

wherethecityis · 24/08/2024 12:49

This has reminded me of when we stopped on the hard shoulder. It wasn't a medical emergency but my DC stupidly opened the back door of the car as we were travelling along at 70mph. What should we have done in that situation?
Even driving along to the next junction would have been dangerous.

Yousay55 · 24/08/2024 12:48

Lesson learnt, just don’t do it again. I’m always learning lessons.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 24/08/2024 12:48

how do you live with the knowledge that you've prevented a car in real trouble from getting to safety

The chances of this are almost nil.