to stop in motorway SOS lay-by so DD could wee

Normally absolutely not.
In the situation the OP describes, absolutely not.

There have been a couple of times (literally) when due to an accident ahead, traffic has been at a standstill (so risky stationary not a slow crawl) for long enough that people had switched off engines, stretching their legs outside (even having picnics at the side once 😂). In that instance it's fine, but those sorts of absolute shut downs are pretty rare, and I certainly wouldn't be the first one out of the car.

Honestly kids are never forthcoming with when they need the toilet, was it really worth 'pushing through' till lunch? How often do you make yourself wait a hour when you need the toilet?

My first scan of your opening line read as something completely different!! That may well have been deemed an emergency!

This. It's the risk of death vs wetting herself

A medical emergency… wtf have I just read. I’m in the car now and need a wee perhaps I should call an ambulance?

You never stop on a motorway so incredibly dangerous.

Driving to West Country, inevitably stuck in bad traffic jams on M25, DD9 suggests she may need a wee at some point but we’re only about an hour away from our lunch stop so I tell her ideally we’ll push through.

So she was basically telling you she needed the loo and you ignored her. Disgusting

Admittedly M4 and hard shoulder as opposed to a lay-by but this news story and the episode of Crash Detectives has stayed with me. The family pulled over due to an unwell child and a drink & drug driver ploughed in to the back of them, killing 2 children and injuring their mother.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-67218612

(edited to add, incase it isn’t obvious, I wasn’t judging or blaming the parents)

As to what else you could have done if she couldn't have held it or you found a loo... She'd have had to piss herself, ideally on top of a towel or something

At least she is alive to cry. Being out and around a volume of cars travelling at speed, when you have nonidea how many people are drunk, high, hungover or driving illegally is so dangerous and IMO not worth the risk to her. She won't die of wet pants but the risk of her being out of the car puts her et a significantly higher risk than being in it.

Why do you think the highway code didn't apply in this instance?

But these are not laybys as in place to stop, often on arterial roads. They are emergency bays as there are four lanes and no hard shoulder.

The lay-bys on the motorway are actually emergency refuse areas. The clue is in the name they are for emergencies.

as has been pointed out many times in the thread if you need to use one you have to contact the highways agency for them to shut a lane to allow you to safely enter the main carriageway.

part of being a safe driver is learning how to block out distractions!

Whatever direction you were going on the M3 from the M25 I don't think it would take you 15 mins to get to the next junction. She is 9, she could have waited 10 mins for you to get off at the junction and pull into a side road.
I hope you are fined because what you did was very dangerous and you should count your lucky stars that none if you were injured.

@Ihopeithinkiknow I'm so sorry for your loss 💐.
It's infuriating how arrogant, ignorant and smug people are over seriously dangerous driving situations.

A bigger danger is using the emergency only lay-by. See upthread.

This, 💯. People are so cavalier.
They've been lucky..it only takes a second for a tragedy.

This is why I find car motorway travel hell, especially with kids. I’m a confirmed public transport user. Much easier to take a leak/buy a coffee when travelling by train/bus/taxi.

Yes and no. Sometimes you're on a looooong stretch of motorway. There's one on the M23 that literally goes on for miles before an exit. If you can pull over to a LAYBY (not the hard shoulder), I'd say yes. If you think they're acting up, and could probably hold it, then no.

I'd weigh it by 'driving distraction'. A child being a pain in the back seat, weeing herself etc, is going to take your mind off driving and you won't be giving due care and attention to the road.

@BorsetshireBanality 4 minutes from Junction 3 of the M3 to Longacres, not from the M25!

I've frequently used garden centre car parks as picnic stops on long journeys, plants and a toilet - what more could you want?! My favourite used to be near the Coldra roundabout off the M4

I don't think anyone is getting any enjoyment out of telling people that they have lost a relative or friend in this situation. I lost my son 2 years ago after he was hit by a car and it's not some lovely fucking story that fills me with joy if I ever tell anyone about it. A lot of people do die unnecessarily on the motorway and of course people on here are gonna mention that it happened in their life. It's all fine and dandy until that day it happens to you and I hope you never have to tell anyone about a devastating loss because you know first hand that stopping in these circumstances has killed someone you love. But you know best of course and think everyone is overreacting. Some people really are thick as fuck

Awful advice.

Have any of you driven on this part of the M3 recently? After many years of roadworks yet more long-lasting roadworks have been started, ironically to put in more refuges. All the cones and barriers gone in, with little sign of activity during the working day, I know people who are thinking of quitting jobs because they can’t take the M3 commute any more, all this 5 minutes to get to Longacres from the M25 since when are they a toilet stop!

Next time I’d actually listen to my daughter when she said she needed a wee. She told you, even gave you warning and you decided not to stop.