Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to stop in motorway SOS lay-by so DD could wee

335 replies

TheWrongBus · 24/08/2024 11:29

Genuine question, curious if there is an official/legal answer.

Driving to West Country, inevitably stuck in bad traffic jams on M25, DD9 suggests she may need a wee at some point but we’re only about an hour away from our lunch stop so I tell her ideally we’ll push through.

What I didn’t realise is that she’d drunk half her (large) bottle of water before we left home. She admits this just as we’re joining the M3 where there are seemingly permanent roadworks, no hard shoulder and emergency SOS lay-byes only.

I check and we’re around 25 minutes from the next services and at least 15 minutes from the next junction. Daughter at this point starts to cry because she’s so desperate so we decide to pull into the SOS lay-bye and hubby takes her behind the crash barrier for a wee. From what he reports it’s clearly not the first time this spot has been used in this way….

I don’t like using the lay-bye for this purpose and appreciate there are dangers to stopping there but I’m not sure what else we could have done. With the M25 traffic and the M3 roadworks I think it was at least 50 minutes between the previous M25 junction and the next M3 junction and literally nowhere we could stop between. So what else could we have done?

Am hoping they don’t fine people for using these lay-byes in a non-emergency, but given daughter literally about to wet herself isn’t it arguably a medical emergency anyway?

OP posts:
Cocothecoconut · 24/08/2024 12:11

That’s what service stations are for
needing a wee is not an emergency

notatinydancer · 24/08/2024 12:11

Layby

Ratfinkstinkypink · 24/08/2024 12:10

Do you use a satnav on your journeys? I use Waze even on known routes as I find it useful for alerting me to any problems along the way which gives me a better opportunity to plan ahead.

AliTheMinx · 24/08/2024 12:09

YABU. This is so dangerous and you were putting the lives of everyone in that car at risk.

sunsetsandboardwalks · 24/08/2024 12:09

GladLemonFish · 24/08/2024 12:08

A relative did this last summer and was hit by a truck. She left three children and a husband behind.

God, that's awful.

I think lots of people don't realise how dangerous the hard shoulder is. We had to pull in once when we got side-swiped by a lorry and it was genuinely scary.

kittensinthekitchen · 24/08/2024 12:09

How the fuck does someone pass their driving test and have to ask if this was reasonable?

No you don't stop on the motorway for a non-emergency, jesus christ

GladLemonFish · 24/08/2024 12:08

A relative did this last summer and was hit by a truck. She left three children and a husband behind.

ChaToilLeam · 24/08/2024 12:06

Daft and dangerous. They are designated as being for emergencies only for a reason. Either make sure she goes to the toilet before you join a motorway or have some emergency supplies in the car. You can’t risk this again and hopefully your DD is old enough to understand this too.

Myserenebird123 · 24/08/2024 12:06

@TheWrongBus hell no op , and this is from someone with 2 kids with chronic incontinence…if you think you have a child who may wet on a motorway journey, use a bed mat underneath then or put them in pull ups.

Growlybear83 · 24/08/2024 12:05

Of course you shouldn't have stopped on the motorway to let a child have a wee! As others have said, it's illegal and very dangerous, and I hope you get fined for it. Why on earth did you join the motorway when your daughter had already told you she needed a wee? You really shouldn't be using motorways if you don't understand the rules.

SensibleSigma · 24/08/2024 12:04

theduchessofspork · 24/08/2024 11:56

As in ‘for heavens sake woman’

It’s not innovative language, Mrs

Not innovative. Just sexist.

taxguru · 24/08/2024 12:04

theduchessofspork · 24/08/2024 11:39

I mean I would have done it - you’d just pull out if someone needed it urgently.

However get an emergency potty with a lid going forward, she’s too young to aim at a traveljohn.

"Pull out"???

ALL the occupants of the car should have been out and over the barrier whilst it was stopped. It's insane to sit in a parked car on a motorway hard shoulder or lay by as you're going to get killed if it gets hit by a lorry.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 24/08/2024 12:03

Have you got any idea how dangerous it is to stop on the side of a motorway?

Needing a wee is absolutely not a medical emergency.

I hope that they do monitor those emergency bays and fine you for your actions

sanityisamyth · 24/08/2024 12:03

BluebellsareBlue · 24/08/2024 11:54

It's lay-by not lay-bye

I'm glad someone said this.

OP YABU to use it. Needing a wee is not an emergency.

longdistanceclaraclara · 24/08/2024 12:03

If you were in traffic she could have got out of seat and weed in the footwell on a jumper or something. Safer than being outside on the hard shoulder imo.

NotOnlyFedUpButAlso · 24/08/2024 12:02

Lonelycrab · 24/08/2024 11:50

There are plenty of junctions around the top of the M3 travelling away from the m25 just a few minutes apart.

Yeah, I don't want to derail the thread but that's not really right, is it. The first junction is the A322, which is about 6 miles, after that its the A331, another 4 miles, all the M3 is under the 50 mph roadworks limit for this stretch, so the OP is right, it will take quite a while to get off the motorway, even then you need to be a local to find toilets. There aren't "plenty" of junctions and they're not a "few minutes" apart!

(Still in the wrong to stop though!)

Maddy70 · 24/08/2024 12:01

It's incredibly dangerous. I suggest you carry some travel John's in tbe car for futire "emergencies"

Never pull over on the hard shoulder unless its a real emergency

Biggaybear · 24/08/2024 12:00

I'm not going to berate you OP as we've all been in this situation. Last time it happened to me we were 10 mins from home (J3 M25) so I told DS to wait. It took us 30 mins to get off the M25 & another 10 mins to get home. He never forgets that journey.

Even now I ask my DC if they need a wee when we are close to Services.....and they are now 21,19 & 17 !!

In future OP remind your DC just as you are about to set off, at at regular intervals during your journey. I know the route you were on as every summer we went from Se London to Devon or Cornwall for holidays.

theduchessofspork · 24/08/2024 12:00

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 24/08/2024 11:43

You can’t be stopping on motorways to pee woman

Wtf "woman".

As in ‘for heavens sake woman’

It’s not an innovative use of language, Mrs

supersop60 · 24/08/2024 12:00

Stop calling it a lay-by. That is a rest area on an A or B road.
The OP stopped for a non emergency .
How will you prepare for this going forward OP?
Towels or absorbant pads in the car? Listening to your child?

longdistanceclaraclara · 24/08/2024 11:59

theduchessofspork · 24/08/2024 11:39

I mean I would have done it - you’d just pull out if someone needed it urgently.

However get an emergency potty with a lid going forward, she’s too young to aim at a traveljohn.

How do you pull out when two passengers are out of the car?!

No I wouldn't have stopped. Incredibly dangerous both for you, those out of the car and everyone else.

CormorantStrikesBack · 24/08/2024 11:59

Sirzy · 24/08/2024 11:51

If you were in an SOS lay-by your also not supposed to just drive off because that is equally dangerous your supposed to wait for assistance to safely rejoin the main carriageway

This. On any police show I’ve seen they close the inside lane of traffic on the motorway to allow people to leave the lay-by. It was very dangerous what you did.

Whaleandsnail6 · 24/08/2024 11:58

You deserve a fine. Incredibly dangerous to you, especially if you waited in the car (another car could have crashed into you) and other road users who may have needed the lay-by in an emergency

Needing a wee is not an emergency. Wetting yourself is very unpleasant but not life or health endangering

TheWrongBus · 24/08/2024 11:57

Ivehearditbothways · 24/08/2024 11:52

She told you she needed it before you got on the motorway. Why didn’t you listen to her?

No, we went straight from one motorway to another motorway, there was no opportunity to stop anywhere. The traffic was such that it was 45-50 minutes between one junction and the next. The only other option was to let daughter wet herself in her car seat, but I do understand the argument that this is what we should have done.

I don’t think any kind of portapotty - if we’d had one - could have been used by DD remaining strapped in her car seat. So much easier for a DS in the same situation…

OP posts: