to stop in motorway SOS lay-by so DD could wee

Stupid and dangerous. When she said she needed a wee you should have stopped, "pushing through" to lunch for the next hour was a daft idea.

Ok, I try, I really try, not to get dragged into these derails, but I can't let this go. WhistPie, I have to assume, like me, you're local? So you consider Longacres is next to the M3? Its nearly 2 miles away. Sainsbury's at Brookwood? 4 miles from the junction. Sure if you know them, you know them, but the OP isn't local, how does she know about these places? Sainsburys off J4, what about the Meadows? All perfectly possible if you have the time, but in that case you will just stop at Fleet services.

Knowing the location of toilets wasn't the problem, managing the timing of needing the toilet clearly was.

They’re both for emergencies only.

my dsis does this all the time ive tol her not to-ironially same niece i got hhher to hold it in one time till i could stop that was about 45 minutes

You can get bags of gel to wee in. Also, do not give DD a full bottle of water unsupervised - or anything at all to drink just before the journey. A drink fifteen minutes or so before, and a trip to the loo are a good idea.

Travelled many miles with DC in my long past thirties. Never once stopped in a layby (except once in India on a country road in daylight - toilets not readily available anywhere and not clean, either). Did not give them drinks in the car or have drinks just before leaving (applies to adults as well) but boiled sweets to suck (age-appropriate and usually ginger flavoured - car sickness) as this causes saliva in the mouth, and something to do (it's that long ago they had Walkmans!).
Stopping for a wee is not an emergency. It could cause an accident either to you/your DC or to others who may need to pull-off the road for a real emergency (heart attack, baby about to be born, flat tyre/tyre burst).

Yes it is very dangerous. The only time we had to stop the car had broken down. We got behind the barrier very quickly. Some cars and lorries were so close to our car when driving past. It was scary.

Why are posters using hard shoulder and SOS lay-byinterchangeably? They are not nearly the same thing and the SOS lay-bys are much safer than stopping on the hard shoulder.

Shocking. Just shocking.

When I was a kid, the leaving the house conversation went like this
Parent: ok if you haven't been to the toilet, go now
Various kids: but I don't want to go
Parent: go anyway.
We didn't leave the house until we'd all gone!
(And one of us would invariably need a wee anyway once we were on the road)
Those emergency bays on smart motorways - nothing short of a life or death emergency would induce me to stop in one. They terrify me. Apart from the obvious danger to myself, how do you live with the knowledge that you've prevented a car in real trouble from getting to safety? Things can go very wrong very quickly.
They might be three car lengths long, but a car in trouble doesn't really have the luxury of slowing down and negotiating an exit into the space that's left without smacking into your parked car.

You should have told her to wee in her seat. No one likes to wet themselves, especially when they can't change immediately after but most of us have done it, she would have coped.

Or any passenger needs immediate medical attention. My child sometimes needs suction to maintain his airway and he can have prolonged seizures, in either of those situations I would have to stop as it is only me and him in the car.

I think under the circumstances, yanbu to have used the lay by, more for the sake of your distressed DD.

However, I do think you were being really unreasonable to expect your child to hold her wee for another hour after telling you she needed a wee.

She told you just before joining the motorway, so you should have pulled over and found a place nearby and not just been like ‘wait til lunch darling’ as you sailed onto the motorway and inevitable traffic jams.

It’s not her fault she needed a wee when she did.

No, a medical emergency necessitating stopping on the hard should would be a situation where the driver is no longer able to drive. Hard shoulders are dangerous places. People die every year because other vehicles smash into the back of them on a hard shoulder. The hard shoulder exists as a place to stop where there is no way of continuing your journey (and everyone in the car should exit and wait behind the barrier). Someone having diarrhoea is unpleasant, but not worth putting lives at risk for. It can wait until the next junction.

Peebol bags. I use them at night when camping and always keep some handy in the car.

Also a thick towel in a plastic bag (without holes) works well in an emergency.

The first service station is at Fleet on the M3, about 20-30 minutes after joining. The next is Winchester 30 minutes later. Then there is Rownhams on M27 25 minutes later. You were foolish to stop.

We had this with a vomiting child recently. We did not stop. We drove on with a weeping child and a car full of puke.

because stopping isn’t just illegal and against the rules. It’s incredibly, incredibly risky. It’s far far riskier than (for example) removing your seat belt for a bit. Because stationary cars on the hard shoulder/layby confuse other drivers and are regularly driven in to. Much more so than cars driving along in the normal manner. Then people just die. Straight up. It’s a high speed vehicle into a stopped one. You have very little chance.

Worth noting, if you do have to stop in a hard shoulder for a true emergency - IMMEDIATELY get everyone out of the car and climb out of the hard shoulder off the road. It is really really dangerous to be in the car (even in the rain or whatever).

(I know this was an sos lay-by not a hard shoulder, but it seemed a good opportunity to repeat this important safety advice!).

Illegal and dangerous. Highly irresponsible parenting OP. You put your entire family at risk, along with any other cars who have may needed to use the space for an actual emergency. At 9 your DD will have been able to hold it in, or at least should know better than to drink so much before a long car journey. Saying it was a medical emergency is a ridiculous excuse.

No, not unless it is the driver and would make it so they couldnt safely continue driving.

A medical emergency is one in which immediate medical attention is required.

We had incontinence pants for this purpose. If needed, rip down the sides and slide under. If worse comes to worse and driving, kids can just slide themselves on and wee through their undies, then when you can stop undies can be ditched as well.

When ours were young, we did long road trips with many stretches where you didn’t hit the next town for 9 odd hours. So you needed spare petrol and any car problems, there was no phone signal but sos could be picked up by satellite and a flying emergency assist service would be sent out to fix if possible. Around every 3 hours on they have roadside toilets - absolutely rank. Pit toilets infested with blowies. Couldn’t pay me to use them🤢. However, after nearly rolling in a well concealed roadside ditch (long grass), having a close encounter with a nasty snake and another with a feral dog who seemed to literally come from nowhere, we stopped the roadside diy toilet stops and enforced use of the incontinence pants. They work a treat. I also wear them as standard in planes now after a painful flight that had turbulence for hours so no getting up for loo, and my bladder is weak as these days.

Think you have the answer now OP, (jeeze people love to give people a kicking) but I do think in general many people do not prepare properly for motorway driving. I do try and always have plastic bags, wipes, and a sealable box for emergencies in the car, even on a short motorway journey you could get trapped on there if it was closed etc. I bet a lot of people being cruel do not adequately prepare either!

Yes. Just have to stop at the next services/ come off at the next junction.

Medical emergency is basically 999 serious

People seem misinformed. The m3 doesn’t have a hard shoulder, it’s a “smart motorway” which are known to be extremely dangerous to stop on. The SOS part is for actual emergencies, and very different to a hard shoulder. I get she couldn’t wait an hour but 15 minutes to the junction I’d have distracted. I also have sanitary pads in the car I’d have given her one to catch and leaks.

I'm really sorry to hear that @Mysinglepringle . I'm not a fan of smart motorways at all. Your relatives died because soneone was using the emergency area inappropriately or because there was no hard shoulder? I really really think this issue needs looking at again but the highways agency is insisting smart motorways are safer than traditional ones.

Just curious, does this also apply if anyone travelling in the car has a sudden bout of diarrhea?
Does that constitute a medical emergency?
(Full disclosure -- this has never happened to me and mine, thank God)

Next time

1. she does not get given her water bottle until she is in the car
2. she is sent to the toilet before you leave the house
3. you let her cry
4. she just needs to wet herself