Or is there a solution I can't see?

We don't tend to medicate for a single fit unless there's an obvious cause like a brain lesion to make recurrence more likely as many never have a further event

Op are you certain they actually said one of you rather than "someone" with her, which is the normal recommendation? So banning baths and locking bathroom doors

Check the college timetable they often have lots of free periods and start late on different days, but think your husband should be flexing his hours to help out with one

(if it was my child I'd let them get the bus and just make the driver aware and have a medic alert bracelet which states medical problems, medication and allergies on it - after all if it reoccurs all you or the driver would be doing is recovery position and 999 but obv not giving medical advice

And if at all possible I'd self fund a quicker private neuro appt

bracelet good. Make sure she has a wallet with contact details for you and explanation of what has happened so paramedics can read it and you as emergency contact in her phone.

bus driver will be first aid trained (not that it’s their responsibility but she will get an ambulance called if she has a seizure at least)

Also you don’t just accept a 5 month wait. Call the department where she will be seen - if you know who the doctor will be call their secretary - and explain the situation and ask them nicely, but with appropriate desperation in your voice, to call you with any cancellation.

and if there is an appointment which comes up, pull both kids out of school and just get her there.

what will she be doing at college? Who will be with her? also if they said not to leave her surely you should have some kind of night time alarm? Seems a bit strange to be so worried you won’t let her take the bus and are thinking about deferring but then leave her alone at night for hours? Also she’ll be alone at college - when she goes to the loo, who will be with her? Will she be allowed to lock the door?

maybe she could do a reduced timetable and do work remotely? Like go in for after your son is dropped off?

also your husband is a dick. You being a stay at home mum doesn’t mean he just doesn’t have to put himself out. When I had my first kid my husband was working all day until late and he’d come home and do all the cleaning because I had post natal depression and was falling to pieces and wanted to help. And then he’d do night time wakings and change nappies if I didn’t wake up. And he continues this way years later even after I’m recovered.

I have also had terrible relationships in the past so I know I’ve lucked out with him so I’m really not being smug, but I really believe we women all need to realise that we don’t have to have this shitty male attitude where it’s like they live in the 40s and women just need to do everything.

If he doesn’t step up, seriously consider whether you want to be hitched to his wagon. How will he step up if you’re sick? Or can’t do anything? Plenty of better men out there.

Unless, like someone else said he’s a policeman or paramedic or something that HAS to be there, why can’t he ask his work to start a bit late?

I’d say - if a private appointment is not possible - you may have to risk the bus .
One off seizures are common and you may never see another - don’t face 5 month of panic and stress .

If it’s not a one off you may have to be facing this for a long time and meds take a while to get right ( if at all).

If the worst happens People will do something ( most likely call 999 and get advice ) but once the seizure is happening there is little / nothing to be done but wait it out . Once it’s over if the child is wear a medi bracelet people will call you and will care for your child until you get there .

TLDR

It may never happen again
it May happen again and again so you will at some point reply on the goodness of strangers : never have the public let me down!

I don’t think you should delay DS starting school. If anything should give, your DD should defer her course although I understand why she might not be keen.
You said you are a SAHM and it looks your DH thinks that anything related to the children is for you but I think he needs to step up so you can work as a team. He may work out of the home but this does not absolve him of all parental responsibility and you can’t be in two places at the same time. I think his comments that if you don’t do it and something happens you’ll feel guilty are unhelpful and unkind. It’s at times like this, teamwork is needed so both your children can be supported in their different needs. It’s hopefully for a short period of time and the solution is your DH engages himself personally in what needs to be done. You are tying yourself up in knots trying to work out how to manage things and I don’t think he’s being fair dumping it on you as if it has nothing to do with him. It’s one thing if it is problematic for his job to help (but his employer might be sympathetic to the circumstances if he looks into it) but another if he is choosing to sign out of it all and put unkind pressure on you. All the best going forward, you are clearly a brilliant mum x

I would pay for a private consultation if you can - way better to get answers and treatment quickly.

She gets the bus there and then you collect her in the afternoon.

More than halves the risk as she's more chance of having a seizure when she's tired.

God your DH sounds like a dick, sorry but just because he has a job doesn't mean he can put all the responsibility on you. In a similar position (in terms of having to get the key ds to different places when younger) my DH changed his work hours temporarily when needed. Although she should be able to get the bus, she won't be alone and you can get an alert band.
https://www.bestproductsreviews.co.uk/seizure-alarm-bracelet?targetid=dsa-41777035096&matchtype=&device=m&campaignid=15548184439&creative=569168980234&adgroupid=131395587735&feeditemid=&loc_physical_ms=1006838&loc_interest_ms=&network=g&devicemodel=&placement=&keyword=$&target=&aceid=&adposition=&trackid=uk_all_top_11_2&mId=407-132-4411&trackOld=true&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwiaa2BhAiEiwAQBgyHpi5SP0buB06nUU3FZ2Wd0vGjb090rASJtEQTPDiEanULx-PDGSaQhoCPIUQAvD_BwE

It's different being in college vs a bus. College will be made aware of your dd condition. They will look out for her.

A bus is full of strangers. And yes there will be some who would help but I don't think I'd risk it. Agree with others your h is an issue. It can't all be on you.

Options could be to see if ds school and dd college can come up with a timetable that logistically works. If ds has a reduced timetable then could he have a later start/earlier finish? Or could your dd have a later start timetable?
I know that we would accommodate this by moving dd into a different class or permission to miss first class/ registration.

Over time then dd will make friends and could share the bus journey with someone she knows/ trusts.

Could you afford for her to see a private consultant much sooner?

Can you ask your GP for a private neurologist appointment? It'd be expensive the first visit but the neurologist can order all the test to go through the NHS to ascertain if there is abnormal activity in her brain. One more question. was your daughter given a full blood test after the seizure?

Is there a reason why you are thinking of prioritising DD starting college as planned over DS starting school as planned? Both your children have disabilities that mean they need support and that at times may restrict what they are able to do. Could you consider other possibilities for DD? Deferring her start at college or an easier to access school? Because the journey there is only the first hurdle for her. Will she manage the college day without support?

I dictated my message and reading it through now it has many errors, but you get my gist.

She's not alone on a bus. I can understand your concern of course, but you are taking the advice too literally.

Contact the neurologist (ring their secretary) and ask for guidance. Also ask for a call from the neurology specialist nurse. I can't stand health care professionals who make these random statements without discussing what they mean for everybody's lives. There may well be a more detailed version of this pronouncement they didn't bother to make, or they can bloody well help you think through how to manage it. You'll be doing a favour to the next poor sod who turns up in that clinic and gets this 'advice'.

What does your daughter want to do?

It's easy for me to say, as I'm not the one navigating this with my own child, but "she mustn't be left alone" is not the same as "you yourself must be with her at all times".

IMO she is far more at risk by sleeping alone for potentially up to 12hrs without supervision or monitoring (pretty sure you can get seizure alarms and things?), than she is using public transport by herself at the two busiest times of day.

Is she not on any medication? I personally don’t see the problem with leaving her get the bus it’s the same as her being in college all day without you. I will just keep in touch as much as possible and put a procedure in place for if and when anything happens.. like others have said get her the medical bracelet. I can see why your husband is divvying out this job you, but obviously obviously you are struggling with trying to figure this out and I think it has job as your partner to help you with this, you are supposed to be a team! So figure it out together he can’t just say what he thinks you need to do and then sit there and you figure it out that’s very unfair. He needs to meet you in the mail maybe pick one day a week or he starts a bit later. One day a week is not going to kill him or impact his job too much, but if he’s not willing to do that then it’s clear you do have a DH problem. I would sit with him and expect him to help you with this. if he doesn’t want to help, then you need to make the decision that she gets the bus and he needs to back off and let you do that. Instead of guilt tripping you which I think is really a low blow.

Having been a sahp at one point it doesn't absolve the other parent from doing stuff when there are unusual needs. He should do one set of lifts or some sort of help like take son to school and agree that with his work. Can you pay for neuro consult and mri to speed this up

“ I said to DH I thought she'd be okay getting the bus but he said well you'd feel guilty if she had a seizure and you weren't there but if she has a seizure”

omg I think you have a “d” h problem more then anything else 😳

but to the problem,
she has to go on the bus from what you have said , it’s the only option. Yes it’s a worry , but she can’t not live her life in the hope her appointment comes through before next school year.

my dh is a bus driver , and once or twice they have had a medical emergency, they just stop and call an ambulance, comforting the person if possible.

I would argue and say actually she’s with a lot more people at that point who can raise alarm , then when she’s in bed by herself.

a medical bracelet sounds like a great idea

I would not defer your sons start date. Some options

Childminder to take ds to school.

Husband takes ds to school in the morning you take dd.

Arrange private transport (taxi?) to take her to school each morning. Then you pick her up in the afternoon.

Does your council provide transport in certain circumstances? Ours does.

How was she planning on getting their originally?

Your DH is coming across as a total 💩

Agree with PP. DD will have to get the bus and I would pay for private neurology appointment if possible.

I would speak to the hospital again to tell them about this dilemma, it does seem very over the top and unworkable to have to watch her for five months, and if this advice has been wrongly given it could impact everybody’s mental health significantly both in terms of anxiety and impact to education and genera stress levels and exhaustion , it really needs to be clarified/ second opinion sought
I would also say though, ambulances take hours to turn up sometimes at the moment, and it’s worse over winter. If it really, really is that serious that she genuinely needs to be watched and got to hospital urgently if she has another seizure, given the fucked state of our ambulance service atm I’d be saying to defer for a year so you can take her by car. I really suspect that won’t be the case
also your husband sounds like a bit of a wanker.

Can she apply for disability allowance - they may be able to fund cost for travel similar to what they do for access to work.

Phone the consultants secretary on Tuesday morning, you’ll probably have the appointment before the start of term. £200/300 last time I paid to see one.

Your husband may be working outside the home, but unfortunately he needs to take some of this on - or at the very least he has to try!
I don’t think you should defer your son, but your daughter may have to if nothing can be sorted for transport right now.

This is exactly what I was thinking, she’s no less alone on the bus than in college all day. And once she starts she’ll probably make friends doing the same route.

And she’s unlikely to need to be in at 9am every day either, college timetable aren’t usually 9-5.