Does anyone else not really have any friends?

I've got three friends who are proper friends, one I see twice a month, the others I speak to twice a month but I only see them a couple of times a year.

My wider social circle shrunk during COVID, after COVID I was finishing my PhD as well as working full time and being a single parent so I didn't really notice it.

I do a couple of hobbies which are very friendly groups, but I can't say that I think of any of them as friends.

It is largely OK with me. DC are old enough to be independent and seem to have a spectacular social life. I don't have anyone to phone up and casually ask to meet me for a drink. My friends (and acquaintances) all have their own lives/families.

By the time I've had a busy week at work and done a couple of hobby groups I cba to do much more than garden, go for a walk, sew during the winter etc., etc..

@Newsenmum you obviously have had a fairly easy life and haven't got a clue what it's like to suffer from lack of confidence/social anxiety. There are all sorts of reasons people haven't got lots of friends, but being surprised by it, Really?

I don't work so no work friends. I don't have friends in general. I only talk to my kids and MN 🫠

I'm single so no one at home but yes I have friends. A few of them have moved out of the area but we message regularly and meet up a couple of times a year.

I have one friend that I talk to through messaging in a daily basis, she also lives close by so we occasionally meet up.

I will say, I put a lot of effort into staying in touch. One of my friends complains a lot about not having many friends but she regularly leaves me on read for ages, goes quiet for weeks at a time, and cancels plans. Shes lucky that I'm patient with her. She's moved away now and struggles a lot, she made a friend but things cooled after she regularly didn't turn up to things the friend organised.

I know on MN it's a popular opinion that no one owes you their time and they can reply to messages when they feel like it, but it's a two-way street.

I do have quite a few friends from different circles. 3-4 I speak to or see quite regularly and maybe a dozen more on the periphery. They're the ones I'm always glad to see but we don't get together often, or the ones that live in other countries so catching up in person is hard.

Not to say that this applies to you at all OP, just on the same subject, but I so often see threads on MN where invites to things are seen as a huge imposition and the concept of doing a small favour is unthinkable, that I'm not entirely surprised that a lot of people end up not having many, or any, friends.

Me. I've moved lots of times in my life. I had friends when I first moved to my current area, but they/ we have all moved on.

I've been diagnosed with SBC and my oldest " friend" ( 42 years) absolutely doesn't want to know.

Fine by me.

I’m always surprised by this, like how have you got to this point? Haven’t you been trying to make sure you regularly meet up with people since leaving school? If you’re kind and friendly and keep making an effort I’m sure you’ll find people. You have to try though.

What are your circumstances OP? I assume from your post don’t have a partner and children, do you live on your own?

I don’t think it’s that unusual - I just think undereported and under represented! I definitely don’t think everyone has big groups of friends. Starting small can help. What are your interests? Are there local groups you can join?

Not just you.
I have a couple of friends I meet up fairly regular (separately) for a coffee or occasionally lunch and maybe go out with a few work mates about 3 times a year, but that's it.

I have several good friends who I manage to see a few times a year. I don’t have a big group to hang out with. I used to, but I’ve moved too many times and it’s been incredibly hard making friends in the place I’ve lived in for the last 12 years. People I knew elsewhere were so much more accepting and diverse. Where I live now seems very narrow minded and insular.

I don't think a lot of women have a big group of friends but I think most people do have at least one friend.

I do have a couple of large groups of female friends. One is my university housemates, we live all around the UK and parts of the world. Sometimes we meet up individually but not really face to face now we all have kids and are married etc. The other is my NCT mates from our first borns. I moved away two years ago so now to go down in a weekend away and a lot of planning. Went down last year but couldn't this year. Wouldn't say either group i'd now talk about my very personal info. I'm a bit of a lone ranger really and my hobbies I can do alone really.

Women in books and films do, but I suspect not in real life.