Does anyone else not really have any friends?

I had a group of 5 very close friends - known since primary.

Sadly, as my marriage was falling apart I self medicated with alcohol. I now know I was suffering with generalised anxiety on top of social anxiety and stress from a very difficult divorce (hidden assets, refusal to pay school fees, nasty accusations etc). On a few occasions (when ex had kids) I would turn up to events already merry as I was so anxious and just made a fool of myself. This group of friends sort of shunned me. I get it. But haven’t rebuilt bridges and keep most people at arms length.

I don't have many friends. I have two very good ones. There's a few people I can socialise with at work and neighbours to talk to. I have friends I meet up with for a hobby and school friends I can go and see if I want to travel.

If I were to invite them all to a party it would look like I have lots of friends but here I am again spending the weekend on my own

Thank you for creating this thread OP, it has been really good to read all replies. Sounds like there are enough of us around here to start our own friendship group? 😉
I am also friend-less, a combination of moving around a lot, struggling with life, niche interests and.... maybe not being sufficiently liked. I'm not really sure. I have had friends but lost touch and there were never that many to begin with. Now all I got is acquaintances really. Sad. I would say I'm quite friendly and generally nice/helpful/etc but just dont seem good at making friends. Perfectly happy in my own and my family's company but does feel a bit lonely sometimes and also embarrassing (though I dont go out of my way to volunteer this info irl).

I have only 1 friend who I see often and that’s it. I work nights and we all just work together as a team and that’s it. My other friends are my children

Second that, life isn't SATC. Maybe women who are still living where they grew up, went to school etc have these 'friendship groups' but harder for women that left home.

Assuming you are single, I can see how at a certain age friends can drop off, people that couple up and have kids then to keep to themselves and not be as available anymore.

Girlfriend-wise I have swapped my marriage-and-kids friends that have very limited availability to friends I've met later in life that are more aligned to me in terms of lifestyle. A few girls from work that we click with and make plans with, a few I've met through activities and have similar values etc.

Honestly though my best friends are all men. Similarly, unless they couple up and get banned from socialising, I spend a lot of my free time with my male friends and it's really nice. I can be a bit intense in terms of wanting to have deeper conversations beyond everyday chit-chat and sometimes just have someone to properly open up to, and find that men have much more tolerance to that type of thing. Or maybe that's just what I'm used to.

it seems your problem needs more immediate solutions though. Do you know any people that you like and feel you'd get on with? Have you tried asking them to spend time together, maybe start with a coffee? Anyone in your family who could be a friend? Anyone who you used to be friends with and who you might want to rekindle the friendship with? Do you do any activities where you could meet friends, e.g. clubs? I've met two girls at my swim club this summer and we spend most Saturday mornings together now.

Hiya, my long lost twin Winky! 😉

I have always felt that the word "friend" is used very, very loosely. Most people friends are honestly barely more than regular acquaintances. A real friend is a rare find, indeed. I had a few fairly decent in my earlier years, but due to moving, and a pre-internet/pre-moblie phone world, we lost touch.

I currently have no real friends, aside from my husband, who is the best friend I've ever had, and I am 100% ok with it. I get along with my colleagues very well, can talk to anyone, but no friends. I think I'm very fortunate so I have no complaints.

No friends now, had many over the years. I’m happily married and it’s enough.

No children, siblings and parents both long gone means quite an insular existence. Can’t say I miss the inevitable drama that female friendships can bring. I prefer male company.

This is me! Are you my twin 😂

I'd like there to be a word for someone who is more than an acquaintance but not quite a real friend as that applies to quite a few people in my life. I don't think I'd be calling them in a crisis.

I have no friends whatsoever. Probably because I'm socially anxious.

I think if you work full time and also have children to look after, there is very little time left for friends. I have three close friends, plus work colleagues.

It's worse if you commute into London because it's difficult to see work friends out of hours, you could like 100+ miles from each other. I'm changing job to work more locally which hopefully will leave more time for socialising.

Thankyou 😊
It's fine now, I'm not too bothered. She wouldn't be much support anyway tbh.

Treatment is ticking along nicely for now.

Friend is a very elastic word and people have vastly different ideas of what it means.
It covers everything from slightly closer work colleagues, to people who are like family.
There’s also the difficult-to-verbalise concept of finding friends you want to be friends with.
The ‘making friends is easy’ idea sounds true - as long as you aren’t particularly fussy about who you’re friends with…but then how dare a friendless person think they can pick and choose! Rude! No wonder you have no friends etc
The single thing I’ve noticed is that people who have moved multiple times at key points in their lives are significantly less likely to have formed deep and lasting friendships.

@Enigma52 💐 I'm sorry to hear that I hope treatment is kind to you

I have people I know and chat too. One or two maybe even from primary. School. I have none that I go and meet up with.

Not a big let’s go out on the town type nor the mega mind business type from rich parents 😅

I have one friend who I have not seen for 2 years, we text every few weeks or so and I know she would be there if I needed her. I have two adult dc a partner that I do not live with and zero other friends. I work with some lovely people that have asked me to out with them many times but the truth is I simply CBA. I do not feel the need for friends or desire them. I think it stems from childhood where nobody wanted to be my friend at school. I am perfectly happy as I am.

I think it's much less common to have close friendship groups now. Even amongst the colleagues I know who have that social group, it feels a bit superficial and as though they are trying to build the impression of having lots of pals but it doesnt always seem to be genuine.

Personally I am happy with just having my DH and family for company and don't miss companionship from anyone else. I'm not in touch with anyone from school or uni, I leave stuff in the past and focus on my present life. Not lonely at weekends as family life takes up all my time.

Me I don't. Not one single friend. I have people I chat to at work and a few out of work but I wouldn't say they were friends.
I actually cried to my daughter (she's nearly 18, we are really close and I'd call her a friend) that I realise how lonely I am when I take my 8 year old to the park and see others with bit groups of girlie friends. And seeing pictures or videos of the ladies from work out with their mates. I have none of that.

@StoneTheCrone not true at all. I don’t have any friends from school, and didn’t go to uni.
I’ve got some friends from when kids were in primary, and I’ve made lots of lovely new friends over the last few years.
Op, it’s easy to say, but you have to find your tribe. It’s taken me a while, but I’m getting there, and now I have friends where I can be myself and feel accepted.

I don't.
I have two colleagues who I am close to, but I imagine if any of us left the work place we wouldn't really stay in touch.
Outside of work I have two friends - one is an old school friend but she is very flaky and the other is a colleague from 30 years ago.
I married very young and my school friends drifted away as they were all still single and leading a very different life from me.
I'm not very sociable but sometimes I do look at people with a larger, but close circle of friends and think it must be nice.

I've had friends andthe friendships have fizzled out. I'm in my forties, I have two friends from childhood who I meet up with 3-4 times a year and occasionally chat on what's app with. I have two nct friends one I see most weeks for a coffee (both work part time) the other I see every few months.

But I'm mostly busy with family so I don't worry too much.

I think there are some people who I call people collectors. They have the kind of personality that attracts friends and they have dozens of "best" friends and hundreds of just friends. When I was young the penny didn't drop that the person I thought was a close friend actually viewed me as just one of the crowd.
I think not everyone is good at making or keeping friends. I wish I was.

I guess it depends on your definition of a friend. Do I have many people I would feel comfortable calling at midnight for help? No. But I have a hobby where I see the same people regularly. I do nights out with people from work (they are still colleagues at the end of the day), I chat to other mums on the school run and at play dates.

But I only have 2 people in my life that are truly good friends (I would pick up the phone at midnight to help them).

I don't agree at all - I have one close childhood friend and a few others I see very occasionally but most of my friends I have made in my 30s and 40s and now 50s. These have been made through work, children's friends parents, book club, volunteering, etc. I think you are never too old to make friends and I find it quite exciting to think there may be people that will be important to me in the future that I haven't yet met!