Does anyone else not really have any friends?

Oh dear. Try working full-time as a single mother of two DC and no childcare. That does for your social life.

Not a single one, I speak to people I work with via teams as we work remotely, but in person I only have my partner and my parents.

I have a couple of close friends who I holiday/go to events with I've never wanted to be apart of a group because I'm naturally a problem solver/giving person and I feel like it couid get time consuming and has done in the past.

I have three female friends and I see each of them two or three times a year. Go out with work friends about that much too. So I would say not many friends I actually see but I also don't feel I have the time or energy for more social interaction.

In my community everyone's sociable and has a massive group of friends, which makes it harder for a quieter introvert like me. My dh is a sociable extrovert and I honestly think there's something wrong with me as I've always struggled to maintain friendships.

I had to really think about this as l was about to say l don't have many friends, but it's not true.

I recently decided not to keep contacting one friend as its too one sided. My other oldest friend is ok. Then l have friends lve made in various workplaces. Sometimes it's a bit quiet, but in the next 2-3 weeks lm meeting 3 individual friends separately then a larger group for different things.

I would never work from home all the time now l'm not living with someone.

But then l also put effort in, join Facebook groups, say good morning to people l walk past in the street...it's not easy but you gotta put yourself out there. Also hobbies, great for making friends!

Sometimes you can have lots of friends and then things happen like divorce or illness or having a disabled child and people will just dump you.

I’ve realised some of the worst people I know have the largest group of friends, which never seems to make any sense.

i had an epiphany in my early 40s that so many friendships I had were based entirely on me making all the effort and my ‘friends’ did nothing but talk about themselves and literally never asked about me at all. When I decided to stop making the effort I lost loads of friends, but were they even friends?

I don’t and it’s so lonely. I would love some friends more than anything

It’s interesting that you say that. I remember someone commenting to me that when her father died, there were loads of ex colleagues and friends at his funeral but by the time her mother died, she was so old that her workplace no longer remembered her and her friends were long dead

I think the point is, that if you dug deeper many of these people are not close friends.

I could have a birthday party and invite 100 people and look like I’ve loads of friends. But when it comes down to it I have a handful of people I could call to go for a coffee or a walk. I just have a large social circle of acquaintances because I’m involved in many things.

Yep me.. I have friends at work but don't do much outside of work as they usually work 60+ hours a week. I have a good friend I talk to often but don't see them as I moved away a while ago. I spend time with my husband and son and am happy with that. I would, however, have liked to make friends at DSs school as he would have had a better social life outside of school. I have bad social anxiety, although I speak to them haven't formed anything more which makes me feel guilty

I do have friends but only because I make a massive effort. I have zero family so I need these friends. None of them are from my childhood/school though. They’re from later in life & I would be incredibly lost & lonely without them.

My mum cut all her friends out for the smallest thing & I vowed never to do this. Obvs unless they behaved badly!

how do people come out with this rubbish?
Have you never left your house? Do you not have social media?

When you are outside or online and see groups of women together, at the theatre, on holiday, out shopping, in weddings, hen parties, at a bar, post sports match...do you think one of them has paid the rest to turn up and pretend to know them or something?

I don't know how someone can live in the world and, against all empirical evidence, legitimately believe that people (men and women) don't have groups of friends.

Some people have absolutely loads of friends.
Some don't have any.
Most people probably fall somewhere in the middle.

"Don't do friendship" implies it's a life style choice.

For many people it's circumstances, mental health issues , social anxiety etc. So not their choice at all.

Just because a person doesn't have friends doesn't mean to say they aren't interesting people. It doesn't mean they don't have insight. It doesn't mean they have nothing to contribute. And MN gives them a voice. it allows people to interact in a way they can't in real life.

I'm the person who doesn't really 'fit' and am often excluded. Also I don't ever seem to work with people similar to myself. Pretty sure I'm ASD, like my DS.

I did have two local close-ish friends up until earlier this year. Both moved away within a month of each other & despite assurances they'd keep in touch, they really don't.

So I'm pretty lonely now. Tbh I could make a few friends if I pushed myself, but a lifetime of being 'different' and working hard to pretend to fit in isn't enjoyable. I also don't have time around DC & caring for elder parents. It's a bit glum when I'd love to chat to someone, or we realise we don't have anyone to ask for help.

Yes. I suffer social anxiety too.
It limits my life and I can't do a lot of things because I find people and social situations really intimidating.

Well, this exact thread appears once a week or more, and inevitably attracts large numbers of people saying they are entirely friendless, so you’re far from alone, clearly. Mn seems to get a lot of people who don’t do friendship.

Good for you. I'm so glad you and your DC are doing well. What are you studying? ( out of interest) I'm looking to take on some study too, but not sure what!

I have my DH and my grown up children(who I try not to over burden) and my dear dog. I don't understand people much . I have had friends in the past and looking bad,they were very disrespectful and not very nice to me. Yes I am awaiting an autism assessment. Have an older child who is ND, so maybe there is something in that but never every tried to be nasty or unkind to people but I think folk think I am a bit odd. So no , Op, we don't all have loads of woman pals. I always felt like the odd one out in those kinda gangs anyway. Take care x

I have no friends. I have some
acquaintances i see a few times a year in a group but no friends i can call a friend or anyone i can rely on sadly. It is lonely at times but i have my husband and kids so not totally alone

I’ve had a lot of friends in the past, but that changed with a special needs child and then becoming divorced. Married friends distanced themselves as they “don’t know what to say” and of course the holidays we went on together aren’t possible with a single upsetting the dynamic.
I am studying now and the special needs child has done well and is about to leave school with a good chance of getting a job. I started a lot of new hobbies and have kept up contact with family members and have become really close to a cousin I previously didn’t have much to do with. So it’s not all bad. These forums are a godsend for those of us who due to circumstances don’t have a big group of friends.

I don't think people have big groups of girlfriends once they are older.

I volunteer so there is a social aspect to this. I also work so there is that. I'm involved with a hobby group so I see those people twice a week. I have a very superficial relationship with these people mainly. The social aspect is linked to the activity.

I have a smaller number of older friends who I meet for walks, dinner, coffee. I have about 3 friends who I could call on to help me dig a hole at 3am! Proper friends and I count myself lucky on that.

In my teens and 20's I would have had three different friend groups consisting of many close friends. I spent most of my time with friends then, living a very different life, I don't think it is typical to still have this once everyone has families ect.

Can’t say I miss the inevitable drama that female friendships can bring.

What is "inevitable" about 'drama' ?

Not something I experience.

This made me think @askingforfriendz . I’ve seen three neighbours this week. Two for cups of tea (separately) and one for a chat for 20 mins. They’d be an eclectic group if I invited them all round. I don’t consider any of them friends.😬

Can you elaborate what made her so insufferable?

It depends on how people define friendship as well... For me, actual friendship is having proper deep conversations, being able to rely on one another in emergencies, being vulnerable with each other... a bit like having a partner really.

Whereas the 'friend' umbrella also covers the type of relationships this woman had.

In some other languages you have a clear distinction between a close friends, with the rest being classed as acquintances without it sounding rude/ cold, whereas in English and Spanish everyone is a 'friend'!