Does anyone else not really have any friends?

Cancelling plans right at the last minute 2 or 3 times in a row is red flag and actually affects mental health.
Once fine. But it's totally out of order to do it regularly.
I'd rather have zero friends.

Yes its hard. People's jobs are busy. Im going to a show at xmas with friend but that took alot of planning. The must meet soon onesxx I binned lol. I havent energy for time wasters. So people have fewer meetups now.

Me! I'm 60 and have no friends at all. Used to have very good friends when younger but now-apart from acquaintance- nobody

I prefer one on one friendships, I think you do when your less easy going and like to control what you do. Eg pick the film/ event.
Still open to small groups though.
What's really annoyed me in the past is being ghosted by people more introverted than me esp those that I know are free at weekends. Just decide nah don't wanna keep the friendship up.
You invest time then ghosted. Or the meets get less and less.

At 27 I literally have no friends. I had so many friends until I met my abusive ex who alienated me from all of my friends. I then unexpectedly fell pregnant at 22 when I separated from him. Lockdown happened when my baby was 3 months old so I couldn’t even make mum friends and I was forced to be alienated from everyone but in a different way. My health then declined to the point where I deal with severe chronic pain each day and my son is autistic and has adhd so it makes it basically impossible to make new friends - especially being a single parent.

It’s lonely but as an introvert, I kind of like it. I don’t need to make excuses for not attending plans if no one makes plans with me😂🤷🏻‍♀️ it’s made me closer to my family to be honest.

I do believe including myself those without friends or that lose friends more than keep them aren't the most outgoing social types esp in groups.
Another example I'm not easy going as such as in certain foods not into so can make things awkward in the past with groups.
But I'm loyal and reliable and like to meet up monthly at least when I've had the odd friends. I also esp with male friends have done the organising and booking tickets etc. I suggest something get a yes or maybe then sort it.
Female friends I've found near impossible in my 30s ( now late 30s! ) to aquire. Maybe cos I'm not whatever normal is supposed to be. Dint dress up particularly or wear much make up. Don't drink much at all. I'm a over thinker type personality or used to be, enjoy deep convos.
Generally it isn't me that disappears or does something wrong.

@BargingOnBy

Blimey, how judgemental are you? Why can’t people just be different?

Of course they can. I am not stopping anyone so anything.

But when the people who have given up nurturing their friends and invest all their emotional energy into their marriages end up bitter, bored, frustrated and lonely in their marriages in middle age it’s not unreasonable to ask whether the two things are linked.

I have seen so many friends fall into relationships like this and over time all their friendships have fallen away. No single relationship can fulfill all of a person’s needs. And people invariably end up bridling at the claustrophobia and the limitation of spending your entire life with the same person.

But are apparently incapable of drawing the obvious conclusions about why they are miserable, bored and stifled.

Blimey, how judgemental are you? Why can’t people just be different?

@Screenshotted

My husband and I have different friends as well as the ones we have together. I think it is important not to depend on your partner for your social life if possible. I know not everybody can achieve that.

Totally. There’s something really depressing about those couples who never do anything without one another and who don’t have any outside friends. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Its never in a loving way it’s needy, clingy and dependent. We had a couple come over to stay with us earlier this year who were like that: incapable of doing anything without the other but this horrible energy to them: tetchy and bickery the whole time.

We owe it to ourselves not to end up like this.

It depends what you want out of the friendship. I have many friends, as I say upthread, but some of those are ‘fairweather’ friends that I go to raves and festivals with. We don’t get into any deep emotional stuff because neither of us wants that from the friendship. I have other friends that I can get that from, as I’m sure my fairweather friends do.

I have a reasonable group that I'm very thankful for. What I struggle with is knowing that all it takes to lose them is for their lives to become too busy. I've had this happen, friend becomes busier, they have to drop some things and you don't make the cut. There's nothing you can do and it sucks.

This is the stone cold truth.
Many friendships are shallow and one sided because, unfortunately, many people are shallow and selfish. Finding a true friend who will reciprocate your caring is difficult.

I agree. I never had trouble figuring out if a man liked me, but I am often unsure if women do or not.

I have a ton of internet friends (if one can call those kind of relationships friendships) but IRL I would say just one. I lost the couple friends when my marriage broke up and I've moved a lot, so it's been hard, especially with Covid because I'm immunocompromised. I have not socialized at all since it started. My new friend is my lovely next door neighbour. I moved to where I am about two and a half years ago and am just starting to build friendships with the other ladies in my age group who live around here. We chat a lot when we are out walking our dogs, but I'm unsure how to take things further. I'm extremely introverted, so it's hard for me. These ladies seem to like me, but I'm ND and it's hard for me to tell whether or not somebody would like to be my friend.
I am always open to new internet friends, so anybody else who is lonely and who thinks she might be simpatico with somebody as introverted as me, feel free to PM me.
It's not as good as a RL friendship, but there's always the possibility of getting to know each other to the level that we can at least talk on the phone, text each other, etcetera.

I'm so sorry, @GCautist that sounds terribly hurtful.

I live in London and lots of my friends have moved out to get on the property ladder. We still meet up but it's generally a big faff and a big event rather than spontaneous let's go for a quick drink

I have online friends but no one in real life I could meet for a coffee or go shopping/to the pub with.

Takes loads of efforts. Most my age are juggling elder parents at wends Im 50s. So you dont have loads of spare time. Sometimes just easier to go myself cinema etc as people dont commit or they dont follow up plans.

I thought I was the only in this situation. Anyone in Southampton?

Covid. Mental health crash.

I don't have any 'going out with' friends.

I'd love to go out dancing on Saturday nights. But haven't had a friend to do that with for years and years.

None where I live. Certainly no friends who I ever see socially. A couple (at most 4) who live in different parts of the country so our regular contact is online chats. No friends from my kids at preschool for last 15 months or that they will go to school with in 10 days time.Totally isolated and hate my life.

Despite having a fair amount of friends, I feel lonely sometimes due to distance and also being single. So not having any close relationships at all must be so tough 💐

Did you just lose contact with your friends?@Fromage

I think as a pp said - there’s always hope that you can forge new connections and friendships .

What happened @Fromage as you said you used to have friends?

Absolutely none.