Does anyone else not really have any friends?

Not just you OP. x

But surely some of those migrations would have been groups of people moving together. Or nomadic people who would change location but stick with the same group. I think that's a different thing to people or even small families moving alone to different places and having to try and build up a social network from scratch.

I get that we can't just go back to an idealised version of any time period though.

@Getmeahobnobstat

I get two days off a week and it would annoy me to have to spend time meeting people on top of everything else I have to do, so I’m quite content.

Blimey: This is so exactly the opposite of how I feel.

@WhatNoRaisins

I’m not sure about that. If you think back to agrarian communities maybe but certainly since the 19th century people have had to move around for reasons.

Almost the entire population of the US has immigrated there (or been forcibly moved there).

I don’t know how long it takes for evolution to catch up with human psychology (probably a lot longer than a few generations) but I think migration and moving around are fairly established human habits.

I'm not convinced that our relationship patterns really have caught up, loneliness seems endemic and our advice on how to make friends obviously isn't working for many people. I think technology to keep in touch has probably helped in some cases though.

I have lots of people I get along with, colleagues etc… but no, I don’t have any friends and certainly none who I socialise with.

I’m ok with this though and prefer my own company, so it doesn’t bother me. I get two days off a week and it would annoy me to have to spend time meeting people on top of everything else I have to do, so I’m quite content.

Yes, it's recent in terms of human history, but I don't think it's so recent our relationship patterns haven't had time to catch up.

Think everyone so busy now. I find unless I chase friends.. that gets tiring too. Wends fill up fast too. Meeting school mam friday

That's very recent in terms of human history. I don't think we can change as fast as that.

It really isn't. Pre-industrial Revolution and mass transit, sure, but since then, it's very, very common.

@Duckduckgoose24

Yes definitely, I lived in an East Asian country for a couple of years and all of my friends I met over there that I still keep in touch with were fellow foreigners from the UK, Australia, and mainly the States.

I would agree with this. Friends scattered but friends none the less. But no tight group.

Also when moving and living abroad, 'locals' didn't often invest in the friendships, it was often ex pats (from UK and other countries) as we were in the same boat. I couldn't blame them, they were used to us coming and going so it was always kept quite superficial.

It’s a funny one. Moving around is why I have quite a lot of good friends - despite not seeing them all a lot - but conversely, moving around is probably why I don’t have a tight friendship group.

I have friends here and there and some of them know each other from uni or socialising etc, so we can meet in 3s or 4s sometimes but I don’t have a friendship group as such.

Moving is a massive issue. It's only fairly recently that it became so normal for people to move around from our loved ones as much as we do but human psychology is what it always was.

I don't think people who haven't moved around understand how it can affect friendships when everything else is in the mix @Londonlassy . It definitely does affect friendships IME.

My best friend has remained my best friend through me moving around the world, we keep in touch by phone these days, seeing each other once a year.

Any friendship that isn't solid to start with wouldn't survive that and lots of flakier friendships have fallen by the wayside along the way.

I am kind and sensitive and I had loads of friends in school, university and the early part of my career. However we moved away from my friendship network due to my husband’s job.
I now have a child who is ND and a husband who works extensively outside the home. Having a ND child that never gets invited to any play dates or parties ( no school mum friends for me) and a husband who routinely is required to work evenings and weekends has resulted in the tentative friendships I have tried to make frizzle out.

The lack of a friendship group makes me cry all the time.

your post @Newsenmum is insensitive and shows no understanding how people’s circumstances can change.

Have you not come across that before where a friend is pleased that you got the job but warns you that it will take over your life?

No

Or says the guy you are dating can’t be trusted?

Yes, but they were right. That's being a good friend, in my book.

Not necessarily no. A surprisingly large number of “friends” can be quite resentful of their peers doing well.

Exactly @Thepeopleversuswork I’ve posted upthread in detail about my experience of friends who were clearly very unhappy and resentful over my success.

Even if someone is fortunate enough not to have experienced it, surely we’ve all seen the concept of jealousy among friends depicted in books, movies, agony aunt letters etc and even lots of threads on here? It’s not that hard to imagine.

I was never that oblivious to think it didn’t exist, I just thought it didn’t exist in my social circle. At least not against me.

I was wrong! I didn’t notice until my circumstances changed drastically but now with hindsight I can see little signs of it even when I had/achieved a lot less.

Thankfully now springcleaned my social circle so I’m confident in sharing good news with any of my friends. Including the ones in my creative hobby turned career.

@NewName24

Then - and I've not heard it before this thread - the 'celebrating with someone else' as a measure. I mean, aren't we all pleased to see other people happy ? Even complete strangers ?

Not necessarily no. A surprisingly large number of “friends” can be quite resentful of their peers doing well.

Have you not come across that before where a friend is pleased that you got the job but warns you that it will take over your life? Or says the guy you are dating can’t be trusted?

I never understand people measuring friendship by whether you can call someone at 3am or not.

If ANYONE were contacting me at 3am, needing help, then I would do whatever I could to help. surely all normal people would ? This could be a neighbour I don't particularly know well, or someone I wasn't particularly close to that had decided for whatever reason I was a person who could help them. If you are calling for help at 3am, then you presumably are in a pretty desperate situation ?

Then - and I've not heard it before this thread - the 'celebrating with someone else' as a measure. I mean, aren't we all pleased to see other people happy ? Even complete strangers ?

Both seem odd measures to me.

Up to 40% of people are introverts. There are lots of defining features, if you like, but for me the standout one is the fact that introverts recharge alone.

Not that I am particularly in to labelling everyone and everything, but, if pressed, I would say I am an extrovert. I love a party. I am more than happy walking in to a room where I don't know anyone. I am happy to talk in a group whether I know the other people or not. I love being with people and having a chat. But, I also like to sit and read or faff about on the internet, or just sit awhile and watch the world go by. Surely everyone needs to "recharge alone" ?

@EmeraldRoulette

but did it develop IRL or online is what I wonder

I made it up. But I am sure I’m not the only one to use it.

Yes I understand that
but did it develop IRL or online is what I wonder.

@EmeraldRoulette

3am friends- is that a nonsense social media concept?

No it’s shorthand for the idea that a true friend is someone you can call at 3am

@SeaweedSundress

It’s nothing intentionally malicious, but it’s very difficult to be around

Urgh yes. I hate this. People who are subconsciously uncomfortable with other people being happy or successful.