taking a child to visit dad in prison

Correct. I have said this in the thread. The poster didn't say that though, they said children shouldn't visit people in prison. Why shouldn't they? A sec offender yes of course they shouldn't. But why not a man who didn't pay his taxes or someone who drove without insurance or someone who stole to feed their family?

It's completely up to your DH and the child's mum though.

He's asked you to drive him and you're completely within your rights to refuse.

The rest is up to him to sort out.

Hi OP. I was this child.

I absolutely hated going into prison, seeing my dad black and blue after another fight, I would hide under the bed when my grandparents came to pick me up to take him. My mum hated me going but she didn't want to be accused of not letting me see my dad.

I wouldn't listen to anyone here unless they have been that child too as they wouldn't understand.

Some children may be fine with it of course. I really believe it needs to be child led and NOT about what either of the parents want.

He's being played.

The carrot DSS is holding out is the chance to see the grandson.

DSS no doubt has his own reasons to want to force the mother of his child to let him get away with this.

Don't let your H get suckered into this.

Absolutely not considering the crime.

If you and DH have not met your GC before, you should not be the ones taking him to see his dad in prison. If there is no one with a good relationship with the GC who is prepared to facilitate the visit, it’s probably best that the GC doesn’t go. And if DSS doesn’t have any friends or family who have a good relationship with his child, his child is probably better off with as little contact with him as possible as that’s a pretty good sign that he is a terrible father (even apart from his crimes).

I could see why your DH might want to though - an opportunity for him to see his GC. It might feel hard to step back from that.

This sounds like a very complex situation, and frankly, DSS sounds manipulative and very unpleasant.

He knows you are probably eager to have contact with his child, and he knows the mother of that child is refusing to have anything to do with prison visits.

I think you need to realise the DSS is trying to play you. He is basically trying to get you to force something on the mother of his child.

Back wayyy off, and do not let yourselves be manipulated.

While the DSS is in prison, try to establish contact and communication with the mother, and explicitly promise her you will do or say nothing that she might have an objection to. Ask if there is any support she needs, including financial support.

@JaydeeeeP because it's never ever in a child's best interests to have to be around a sex offender.
I couldn't even look at a man who wanted to do this to his grandson.

YABU because it's nothing to do with you.

Absolutely not. I would never, ever facilitate a child visiting a sex offender, whether the offender is their parent or not. I would refuse to have any part in it, and you should, too.

I would be telling your husband the subject is closed.

Find out about the prison because most have a good set up for family visits. It’ll help DSS reintegrate if he sees his DS- I believe there’s research that supports this. Additionally, the GC is likely to be worried about how his father is. Visiting will both reassure him that his father is ok and also stop him fantasising that he wants to be like his dad and go to prison too, which some boys really grow up believing

However, in reality it's not that straight forward. Why shouldn't a child see their parent because they are in prison, when the prisons have it set up really well to facilitate this.

My ex-H is a prison officer. It is a grim place for children no matter how you dress it up.

Sexual offenses against women? Not a fucking chance. I'd rather shit in my hands and clap than facilitate a child seeing their rapist father, especially against the mothers wishes.
Were the offences against the childs mother?

Your stepson asked his dad to do it. If your DH doesn't drive he will have to use public transport/Uber. It really is not your concern and it will be nice for your DH to build a relationship with his grandson.
Prison visits for children are usually well managed and children seem happy to attend.

Sounds like a lot going on. No a child shouldn't visit a sex offender.

Xposted again. So he has two parents not looking after him.

op, you should just back as far away from this mess as you can.

I wouldn't take a child to see a sex offender and I'd support that child's mother to try and cut the shitty man out of the child's life. Sorry.

No wonder the child's mother doesn't want to take him to see his father.

Poor kid.

Hell no is the appropriate response IMO.

Your DH can go see his son all he wants, you don't have to take him and well done supporting GC's mum's decision.

I went on my first prison trip when i was 4 with my mum.
She smuggled a carrot in dont ask.
Ive been to all sorts of prisons over the years as an adult not done me any harm.

No way. Prison is not a place a small child should visit. You can help him write letters,if he wants to.

X posted

Can he not use public transport or ask someone else to take him?

If he really wants to do it, he'll find a way I'm sure.

It's not clear who is asking you to facilitate the visit, and how?