taking a child to visit dad in prison

He already doesn't have regular contact so why start now?

Surely there are some parents who kids should be protected from?

No. Visiting someone in prison is absolutely grim. It will traumatise the poor kid

He only sees the child sporadically depending on whether he has girlfriends or not.
A 'man' like this would probably allow the visits when he's bored in jail and the son will get excited when he's due to be released and then the dad won't bother with him again.

DSS - Darling? A rapist?????????

A crumbling victorian prison and high security.... hahaha.. more likely to have issues with poor security believe me

Disclaimer... I work in the long term and high security estate (think Cat A) also worked in a cat b local and a lifers prison

I work in a mens prison and have actually been in visits for rhe last couple of months.

Firstly anyone named on the visiting order needs to be cleared to visit. They also Need to have ID and such like to get in. It's not a case of him popping along and taking the child. Secondly are there any social services or public protection issues around the child seeing its father. So many variables here

All that aside there are alot of misconceptions on this thread. To be honest until I worked there I would have agreed. However children are incredibly adaptable and take so much in their stride. I see lots of adults getting emotional and upset at visits. Kids actually very rarely. The staff are friendly and will make every effort to make visitors and children welcome. To be kind compassionate and friendly. We have told children they have to leave as 'daddy / grandad / uncle etc) has to go back to work now. We don't want people to be upset
We don't want the men to be distressed and go back to their cells an emotional wreck.

That said I believe in this case it would be wrong to take a child in explicitly against the wishes of its mother.

I would take him. It's good for him to have regular contact with dad. Abandonment is harmful to kids. If he chooses not to go after the first visit, that's up to him.

You wouldent get away with it now.
My mum was a big woman 22 stone in the vo plus letter she received from the prison said bet you cant smuggle a carrot in well my mum did do it that carrot was between her boobs.
Just like to add.
She did lose weigh and got to12 stone that was a bet as well.

What benefit would visiting his sporadically involved sex offender father do for an 8yr old boy?

You lot should be doing anything and everything possible to keep him away from the scummy sperm donor.

Your stepson doesn't want you near his child so I would tell your husband you are respecting his wishes by not driving them there.

Your husband does realise his son is likely a sociopath who feels very little for any humans in his life and values them only for what he can get out of them right?
He is trying to manipulate people available to him because he's lost some control and this is all a game to him, if he manages to get your husband to visit with the poor boy he will ramp it up more and start asking for money and more access.

Cut the waste of skin off for everyone's sake, get your husband into some therapy.

It’s a hard one but if the mum is ok with yous taking him and he wants to go I think you should consider it. I visited my brother in prison and it wasn’t anything like I had thought it would be. Was actually in a lovely room with bright colours and comfy seats, there was also a child’s area with toys and books and stuff. I had expected metal chairs, grey walls and glass dividers like you see in the films, really wasn’t anything at all like that. Obviously you would need to prep him before hand with the security you need to go through metal detectors, sometimes dogs etc but other than that it’s not particularly different than any other big hall.

Bio mum has respected her ex's decision that while me and DH are together then the child is not allowed to see his grandfather

Still??
Does the child get to see you or the grandfather now? or will it only be if you take the child to prison that you get to see him?

Sounds like the only sticking point is that DSS doesn’t want you having any contact with his son. So you’re right, you shouldn’t be driving them, it’s too much on top of an already emotionally charged situation. If the child’s mum is ok with your DH taking his GC to visit his father, then the visit should happen but he needs to find a different way to get there. Maybe child’s mum could drop off and pick up. Maybe public transport ot taxi. Maybe another relative.

Is one of them his ex?

Hi op, I have a dd who is 8. I think that by 8 kids are often old enough to be part of the conversation - I wonder if there is a way to scope out what the child in question thinks?

Whilst I have no direct experience here, I did have a very chaotic childhood where I saw a lot of stuff that I shouldn’t. My inclination here would be to very led by GC and his mum - unless they strongly feel that they want him to visit, I’d be looking to shield them from it. I agree that lots of things are better to show to kids rather than leaving it to their imagination, but I’m not sure these circumstances warrant that. Good luck - I hope GC is okay in all of this.

Well she sounds pretty petty unless there is a good reason stopping a child from having a relationship with grandparents is awful!

It's his father who stopped the relationship.

Many spouses go along with such wishes.

edit

I’m asking…😂

Why a carrot?

You keep referring to her as ‘bio-mum’ this usually means biological mother is this a mistake or is there a reason for this. Is the child not in her care?

As a defence solicitor who has been to many prisons of varied categories, they are not a place for children. Whilst there may be a pretty section in the visits hall where the staff try hard to make it look family friendly, the booking in process and the general feel of entering a prison is not.
Everyone, and I mean everyone, is searched, prisons feel forboding, as well they should, and it’s just a very unpleasant environment all round.
How long is he in for? Could they exchange letters or have telephone calls instead?

Well she sounds pretty petty unless there is a good reason stopping a child from having a relationship with grandparents is awful!

100% nope from me a) because of him being aside for sexual offences against women and b) as it's against the wishes of the resident parent.
Most people on here have probably never set foot inside a prison and don't actually really that prison visits are not quite like those seen on TV dramas and prison staff make a lot of effort to make it an okay environment for families visiting.

But, given the circumstances you've delineated, fuck no...

Are you aware they'd search the child on his way in? Not sure everyone is opening this with children

If the mum has agreed to visits but won't take him-is she hoping that no one will iyswim?

Can't imagine why she would even agree to visits tbh.

I'd be wanting to disappear with my son!

Also she agrees that her son can't see her GF because of Op.

Is that just for an easy life?

Is she scared of her ex?

Hi OP, how long is he in prison for? When dd was little I took her to prison to visit her dad (similar offences unfortunately) until she was about 4 when he was released. I took her because as much as it pained me I didn't want to deprive her of a relationship with her father for that long. It's a horrible situation all round and it was different for me because she was so young that she didn't really understand what was happening. I can tell you more about my experiences if it would help you at all?