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Original poster

To expect better from nursery?

33 replies

dreamer24 · 23/08/2024 17:51

My little girl (age 3) came home from nursery today with heavily soiled knickers and had clearly either had an accident or not properly wiped after the toilet. She was so sore she cried when I cleaned her in the shower so I'm assuming it had been that way for a good few hours as it was quite dried on her bottom. I asked her whether she'd asked for help using the toilet and she said not, but what she tells me isn't always reliable because she's 3, so I don't know if she did or not. But for whatever reason, she's been left sitting in her own poo for some of the day. I could also smell it in the car so it would have presumably been evident to anyone near her.

I called the nursery to express my concerns and the person I spoke to was immediately defensive, saying "we can't go in the toilet every time with them, it's a 1:8 ratio". I replied that I wasn't expecting someone to go in "every time" but just for the staff to maybe support her a little more, ask if she needs help, or check she's wiped properly etc. she also said "maybe you could work with her at home too, tell her to ask for help from the staff". I said I have done exactly that this evening but that i haven't done it before this point it's not been a problem previously? I then spoke to the manager who was much more helpful and apologetic and said she would speak to the staff and ask them to put more support in place for her after the toilet etc.

I'm just wondering if I'm expecting too much? My daughter only just turned 3 a few months ago and whilst she's been potty trained since January, she does still need help with wiping properly after a poo. My friend whose little boy is the same age said she didn't think I was being unreasonable in expecting some support for my daughter with wiping after the toilet and that her 3 year old son would also need the same support.

I just feel so sad that my little girl was soiled and sore first at least part of the day, and is now very sore, it's really got to me. 😞 And the comments by the member of staff who I initially spoke with have annoyed me, surely the staffing ratio isn't my issue? I'm paying for my child to be cared for, and on a basic level surely this means a clean bottom?

OP posts:
angelinaballerina7 · 23/08/2024 18:05

Totally reasonable to need help with wiping, but I do understand how it might get missed if they didn’t know she’d been for a poo and hadn’t asked for help.

I get it, I really do (I get infuriated with nappy rash from nursery) but keep reinforcing to her that she needs to ask for help every time. I’m sure they’ll keep a closer eye now they’re aware though!

Original poster
dreamer24 · 23/08/2024 18:04

Thanks for your replies. It seems it's a reasonable expectation then. It really did annoy me when the staff member referred to the ratios though. That isn't my issue as a paying parent, surely. My only concern is that my child is adequately cared for and if that isn't happening, perhaps they need to look at why.

OP posts:
IntrepidCat · 23/08/2024 18:04

I think that given she isn’t really fully trained yet since she can’t clean herself afterwards that you need to set the expectations with nursery and let them know they have to keep checking her.

Desrae · 23/08/2024 18:03

No differnet to a care home at the other end of the age spectrum. Nobody really gives much of a fuck as staff are rushed off their feet.

PandaG · 23/08/2024 18:03

I used to work in a pre-school. We absolutely would help children who needed it with wiping bottoms. Yes we'd encourage independence, but lots of children need help, and certainly if a child was clearly dirty (could smell it) would help them to wash and change. Plenty of reception children need a bit of help with wiping.

Original poster
dreamer24 · 23/08/2024 18:02

IntrepidCat · 23/08/2024 18:00

I think your child should be cared for and looked after. On the one hand, I think parents need to ensure their child is properly toilet trained and able to seek help if they need it. Equally if you can smell poo on a child and you are responsible for looking after them, you need to check and clean them up.

She is fully toilet trained, but we still need to support her with wiping after a poo (she's fine with wees, albeit she unravels the loo roll all over the place like an Andrex puppy 😄), but with poos she still needs help. She's only just turned 3.

OP posts:
Tumbleweed101 · 23/08/2024 18:01

Where I am children in the preschool room use the toilet independently once they are toilet trained so we do rely on them asking for help when they need it. If we know particular children find wiping hard then we keep a closer eye on them.

Now it's been discovered your child isn't managing well without a bit of help I'm sure the staff will watch her more carefully when she uses the toilet.

I always encourage them to have a try at wiping themselves first if they ask for help so perhaps this is something to try at home too if you don't already. Nursery is very different in that toilet breaks are inconvenient when they want to get back to playing!

IntrepidCat · 23/08/2024 18:00

I think your child should be cared for and looked after. On the one hand, I think parents need to ensure their child is properly toilet trained and able to seek help if they need it. Equally if you can smell poo on a child and you are responsible for looking after them, you need to check and clean them up.

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