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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Thanks to Mumsnet users for helping me see sense!

116 replies

verityrosa · 23/08/2024 16:18

Sorry I don’t know where else to post this to hopefully reach the people that seen the post about me! I joined as someone messaged me on tik tok and told me there was a thread on here about me! I had a public tik tok account with some very dark humour on there and photos and videos of my kids. Well I have actually deactivated that account so thanks the people that were harsh to me and said what I probably needed to hear. Thanks to you my kids are no longer being shared on social media, no sharing my life with the world and no viral videos that a lot of people found offensive especially as my kids were in the videos.
i promise I’m not a bad person. Just a mum with a disabled child and find life hard and use dark humour as a coping mechanism but I have never started that account with the aim of going viral and making money etc. it’s just not worth it though I have to think about my kids and their privacy etc so thank you.

OP posts:
SensibleSigma · 23/08/2024 17:19

@sunseaandsoundingoff is talking about how robust MN is about women’s rights. It’s one of the few places where women’s rights can be discussed openly where they conflict with the rights of transwomen.

@sunseaandsoundingoff as you know, transphobia should be reported so it can be deleted.

Original poster
verityrosa · 23/08/2024 17:18

Singleandproud · 23/08/2024 17:08

In terms of posting my Facebook account only has people on it that my DD knows so close family and friends and sharing on there is no issue as they are likely to have been with us anyway but when she got to the teen years she asked me to stop / or to ok the photos I put up and largely I use it as a photo storage as much as anything so I did, never post anything negative about her, and if things come up on my Memories that are embarrassing now I deleted them. I don't use other social media.

I once worked with a teen girl whose mum used to post things about her all the time, she found it s upsetting and hated going home.

You will find al sorts here, high flyers on six figures salaries having six holidays a year, to those desperately trying to make their paycheck stretch. There is a good community for SEND mums that you might benefit from too.

my teen and pre teen were shocked I removed my account but i think they are happy. Don’t think any of their mums do what I do. I did all the dance trends and stuff as well. I need to grow the fuck up

OP posts:
SensibleSigma · 23/08/2024 17:17

And as a PP says, the send boards here are supportive.

sunseaandsoundingoff · 23/08/2024 17:17

Basically the rules here are that you can't say anything that may be offensive or not compassionate to anyone with ADHD, autism, and so on.

And if your post is complaining about someone, people will say that person probably has ADHD or autism even when they obviously don't.

But you can be as nasty as you like about trans people, because apparently according to mumsnet they aren't people, they're just rapists who are going to shag your kids or granny if they see them in a public toilet.

SensibleSigma · 23/08/2024 17:16

What about carrying on posting, but focused on yourself not the DC?

I tend not to be too specific on SM. I’d post a bit vaguely so people who knew me well would know. So I’d talk about ‘stormy weather’ in my house, or say ‘the littlest has been really poorly so I’m short of sleep’, rather than being too specific.

You can post about difficulties you face, but film from behind so the access issue is visible but your DC isn’t.

Original poster
verityrosa · 23/08/2024 17:10

SensibleSigma · 23/08/2024 17:05

Gallows humour among the desperate is hardly unknown. Don’t scare her off. Let her stay around and find a better outlet for her stress.

Show quote history

Thank you honestly I expect to get backlash for it but I have took myself off tik tok completely now so it really did sink in the last time everyone said it and now I definitely won’t be doing it again but I gotta admit I feel a bit lost now. Not from posting the offensive stuff but just my normal posts sharing my daily life. Because I felt a lot of support from my followers so I do need to find a better way to cope!

OP posts:
Original poster
verityrosa · 23/08/2024 17:08

StormingNorman · 23/08/2024 17:07

Is that you Katie Price?

Good lord no 😂😂😂

OP posts:
Original poster
verityrosa · 23/08/2024 17:08

RentySpenty · 23/08/2024 17:06

Are you the woman who posted a video about shaking her normal kid?

Edited

Oh my god like when you say it like that I’m so angry with myself for ever posting something I thought was a ‘joke’. I don’t wanna be that mum but yes I am 😭

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 23/08/2024 17:08

In terms of posting my Facebook account only has people on it that my DD knows so close family and friends and sharing on there is no issue as they are likely to have been with us anyway but when she got to the teen years she asked me to stop / or to ok the photos I put up and largely I use it as a photo storage as much as anything so I did, never post anything negative about her, and if things come up on my Memories that are embarrassing now I deleted them. I don't use other social media.

I once worked with a teen girl whose mum used to post things about her all the time, she found it s upsetting and hated going home.

You will find al sorts here, high flyers on six figures salaries having six holidays a year, to those desperately trying to make their paycheck stretch. There is a good community for SEND mums that you might benefit from too.

StormingNorman · 23/08/2024 17:07

Is that you Katie Price?

Original poster
verityrosa · 23/08/2024 17:07

SensibleSigma · 23/08/2024 17:00

Where we are a bit serious, it’s about safeguarding and protecting people. So you’ll be called out for ableist language, ageist language, racism…

We are the PC brigade, political correctness gorn maaad!

So there’s humour, but you’ll be told not to use certain phrases that are considered offensive. But someone will defend your right to free speech as well.

There are loads of things I thought were ok which I’m now told aren’t and by and large I agree and have stopped using them. I will still defend the phrase ‘granny shoe’ though!

Wait. I don’t even know what granny shoe is 😂 what is it? In real life I call people out for all those things you said. And there are 2 words that start with S and R about disabled people. My sons been called both of those and let’s just say those people probably never dared say them words again

OP posts:
RentySpenty · 23/08/2024 17:06

Are you the woman who posted a video about shaking her normal kid?

SensibleSigma · 23/08/2024 17:05

CeruleanDive · 23/08/2024 17:03

Nah, you’re trying to make out your “dark
humour” is something special. It isn’t, it’s just grim.

Show quote history

Gallows humour among the desperate is hardly unknown. Don’t scare her off. Let her stay around and find a better outlet for her stress.

Original poster
verityrosa · 23/08/2024 17:05

CeruleanDive · 23/08/2024 17:03

Nah, you’re trying to make out your “dark
humour” is something special. It isn’t, it’s just grim.

Show quote history

It’s defo not special at all I don’t disagree honestly! But it exists and I like it. I know it’s grim tho honestly and I do not find all dark twisted humour funny. I’ve heard comedians joke about things that I can’t laugh at all all

OP posts:
SensibleSigma · 23/08/2024 17:04

And it’s a big enough site that there will be someone impacted by whatever thing you are being casually humorous about.

We are rape victims, autistic, mother-in-laws, women with no/massive/uneven busts, childless, enduring an unwanted pregnancy… we’re all here.

I accidentally offended a Swede yesterday. Really! But she explained and I explained and we’re good 😊

CeruleanDive · 23/08/2024 17:03

verityrosa · 23/08/2024 16:59

my sense of humour is twisted isn’t it 😭 I love dark humour but I don’t find shaking babies actually funny. I don’t think it ever makes sense to someone that doesn’t like dark humour but i promise I do not shake babies x

Show quote history

Nah, you’re trying to make out your “dark
humour” is something special. It isn’t, it’s just grim.

SensibleSigma · 23/08/2024 17:00

Where we are a bit serious, it’s about safeguarding and protecting people. So you’ll be called out for ableist language, ageist language, racism…

We are the PC brigade, political correctness gorn maaad!

So there’s humour, but you’ll be told not to use certain phrases that are considered offensive. But someone will defend your right to free speech as well.

There are loads of things I thought were ok which I’m now told aren’t and by and large I agree and have stopped using them. I will still defend the phrase ‘granny shoe’ though!

Original poster
verityrosa · 23/08/2024 16:59

CeruleanDive · 23/08/2024 16:58

* ...or shake a normal one but it’s frowned upon.*

tbf that's fucking grim.

my sense of humour is twisted isn’t it 😭 I love dark humour but I don’t find shaking babies actually funny. I don’t think it ever makes sense to someone that doesn’t like dark humour but i promise I do not shake babies x

OP posts:
Original poster
verityrosa · 23/08/2024 16:58

PigOnStiIts · 23/08/2024 16:56

Yeah I thought your TikTok posts were awful and as the mother of an autistic boy really deeply upset me. My son has a great sense of humour and that includes laughing at himself and I don’t even like that to be honest. Glad you took everything down.

There is a very supportive SEN board here. Good luck and thanks for posting x

I’m so sorry I really am. It was never my aim to upset anyone. A lot of SEN mums found it funny but I know a lot didn’t! And it’s best to keep my humour between friends in real life and not on social media. Thank you I will have a look at the Sen board xx

OP posts:
CeruleanDive · 23/08/2024 16:58

* ...or shake a normal one but it’s frowned upon.*

tbf that's fucking grim.

PigOnStiIts · 23/08/2024 16:56

Yeah I thought your TikTok posts were awful and as the mother of an autistic boy really deeply upset me. My son has a great sense of humour and that includes laughing at himself and I don’t even like that to be honest. Glad you took everything down.

There is a very supportive SEN board here. Good luck and thanks for posting x

Original poster
verityrosa · 23/08/2024 16:53

YellowphantGrey · 23/08/2024 16:48

Honestly? Kids can be right twats. And I say that as someone who works with them. Obviously I don't say it to their faces but the things kids will use to be unkind towards others is ridiculous

Most people on here talk from experience with their own kids and the rest just talk out their arseholes 😂

Show quote history

See I can’t believe someone on here has said kids are twats 😂 I thought you would all be very serious the whole time here 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
verityrosa · 23/08/2024 16:52

Screenshotted · 23/08/2024 16:46

I am now intrigued though. What were you posting on TikTok?!

And my other videos are normal but lots about my kids lives, my sons health and videos of me dancing. Cringe I know

OP posts:
Original poster
verityrosa · 23/08/2024 16:51

Screenshotted · 23/08/2024 16:46

I am now intrigued though. What were you posting on TikTok?!

Basically the thing that someone posted about was a video that went viral of me saying I don’t have a favourite child but if I had to pick it would be this one. And it was a photo of my disabled child. I put he came with lots of money a free car and I didn’t to line up for rides in theme parks 😭 I also posted one saying how to make one of these. Have a baby with someone in Bristol because they’re all special there or shake a normal one but it’s frowned upon.

OP posts:
YellowphantGrey · 23/08/2024 16:48

verityrosa · 23/08/2024 16:44

I remember your name! I’m so glad you’ve seen this. I hope people that found me go off and try look for me on tik tok now and see I no longer exist! When I told my daughter what I done she was actually really happy and said her friends are always talking about my videos and so are their mums. She felt she couldn’t tell me that before.

Show quote history

Honestly? Kids can be right twats. And I say that as someone who works with them. Obviously I don't say it to their faces but the things kids will use to be unkind towards others is ridiculous

Most people on here talk from experience with their own kids and the rest just talk out their arseholes 😂

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