Thanks to Mumsnet users for helping me see sense!

verityrosa · 2024-08-23T15:18:12+00:00

Sorry I don’t know where else to post this to hopefully reach the people that seen the post about me! I joined as someone messaged me on tik tok and told me there was a thread on here about me! I had a public tik tok account with some very dark humour on there and photos and videos of my kids. Well I have actually deactivated that account so thanks the people that were harsh to me and said what I probably needed to hear. Thanks to you my kids are no longer being shared on social media, no sharing my life with the world and no viral videos that a lot of people found offensive especially as my kids were in the videos. i promise I’m not a bad person. Just a mum with a disabled child and find life hard and use dark humour as a coping mechanism but I have never started that account with the aim of going viral and making money etc. it’s just not worth it though I have to think about my kids and their privacy etc so thank you.

Original poster

verityrosa · 24/08/2024 09:18

Thank you everyone for all comments, whether positive or not, I really appreciate the honesty, seeing as it’s a group where people can be anonymous, but no one seems to be trolling and that’s surprising!

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Original poster

verityrosa · 24/08/2024 09:16

timetodecide2345 · 24/08/2024 04:42

I think sometimes people can deliver a dark sense of humour' in a very neat way and it works- kind of Ricky gervais. Sometimes people just aren't clever enough to pull it off.

The difference is RG seems to start with insult and turn the joke into satire - where he ends up poking fun at society.

You probably laugh at things that others find offensive. That's ok in the privacy of your own home but when you tried to deliver that humour you haven't quite got the skill. That's why comedians have IQs of 170 etc.

I had 1,657 comments think that it was funny and it was also liked by 125k 😅 but I also had 54 comments that found it offensive, and upsetting and I honestly did care about that which is why it’s now been deleted. In real life I’m the joker of the family and my friends but I appreciate things come across a lot better in person. I love RG 😍

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Maria1979 · 24/08/2024 06:46

verityrosa · 23/08/2024 16:59

my sense of humour is twisted isn’t it 😭 I love dark humour but I don’t find shaking babies actually funny. I don’t think it ever makes sense to someone that doesn’t like dark humour but i promise I do not shake babies x

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I love dark humour between friends because we KNOW each other. If someone I don't know would talk like you did I would be concerned because some people actually do shake their babies or do crazy stuff do how to tell it's a joke? And some crazy woman out there might not get it and follow your advice and deliberately try to make a healthy baby disabled.

Londonrach1 · 24/08/2024 05:13

Well done op. I have found mn to be amazing, very educational and some of the posts are very funny. There are a lot of interesting intelligence people on here who have a way with words that I can never do being dyslexic but I appreciate and admire these posts. There are some people who just want to pull anything you say down but I just ignore them or report to mnhq if they being nasty to others. There's a lovely post on aibu at the moment...sons exam results made me cry. Just made me feel so proud of the mum and son who I don't know and never meet. It's such a positive post to read. Look at the classic section of mn...

Garlicfest · 24/08/2024 05:11

This is really gracious, @@verityrosa. I read the thread about your TikTok, though I don't think I posted. I believe you've done the right thing - and it sounds like your daughter's relieved!

Welcome to Mumsnet. Stick around if you can stand us all

DefyingGravitas · 24/08/2024 05:03

verityrosa · 23/08/2024 16:38

Honestly I got the impression you’re all posh and sensible 😂 what I do relate to is the straight talking. No one held back telling me
what I was found was wrong. I can’t stand people that pussy foot around their point. Make your point loud and clear 😂 you sensible sallys seem ok after all

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You’ll fit in just fine!

timetodecide2345 · 24/08/2024 04:42

I think sometimes people can deliver a dark sense of humour' in a very neat way and it works- kind of Ricky gervais. Sometimes people just aren't clever enough to pull it off.

The difference is RG seems to start with insult and turn the joke into satire - where he ends up poking fun at society.

You probably laugh at things that others find offensive. That's ok in the privacy of your own home but when you tried to deliver that humour you haven't quite got the skill. That's why comedians have IQs of 170 etc.

Original poster

verityrosa · 23/08/2024 21:25

Deadbeatex · 23/08/2024 19:33

Does your DH or your close friends say you are a shit mum? They are the ones I would listen to, not a bunch of strangers who don't know me. You WILL fuck up as a parent, you WILL get stuff wrong, that I can guarantee, doesn't mean that you are a fuck up. Listen to others opinions but fact check with those who actually know you in real life

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No they never say that but I know I’m not the best because I’ve had to have a lot of help if I’m honest!

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Original poster

verityrosa · 23/08/2024 21:05

SquashPenguin · 23/08/2024 20:55

I don't share a single photo of my daughter online. She might be a child but she has as much right to privacy as anyone else. I find it quite disturbing that so many children are reaching adulthood having their whole lives played out online for god knows who to look at.

It’s so true! And I think deep down I’ve always known this too so I know how bad that sounds, I know it’s bad but still did it for no one else but myself. Sometimes it was sharing my disabled sons journey because most of the worst stuff happened during the first covid lockdown and I was alone in intesnsive care with him. I felt like I always had someone to talk to and the people that followed our blog that I had at that time I called my virtual support group. But he can never ever consent which makes it worse really. Now I’ve stopped I’ve saved my 11 year old and 5 year old from having their lives shared to the world and hopefully the things I posted in the past won’t affect them 😭

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SquashPenguin · 23/08/2024 20:55

I don't share a single photo of my daughter online. She might be a child but she has as much right to privacy as anyone else. I find it quite disturbing that so many children are reaching adulthood having their whole lives played out online for god knows who to look at.

Screenshotted · 23/08/2024 20:05

verityrosa · 23/08/2024 16:47

But so many people have messaged me asking me if I’m ok because I haven’t posted tik toks. I probably did about 3 a day. Question to you all tho - do you share stuff on a private Facebook page or insta? Or never post at all?

I never post at all.

fuckssaaaaake · 23/08/2024 19:51

verityrosa · 23/08/2024 16:47

But so many people have messaged me asking me if I’m ok because I haven’t posted tik toks. I probably did about 3 a day. Question to you all tho - do you share stuff on a private Facebook page or insta? Or never post at all?

I have private instagram and share loads of pics as I only have family and close friends on there. No different to WhatsApp if your settings are right

SensibleSigma · 23/08/2024 19:42

I understand. I cope with things by detaching. I look all brave and capable, able to laugh, but it’s just a front that makes it easier for everyone else. Social oil, if you like.

💐 for all that you’ve experienced and all you’ve managed to achieve against the odds. I hope you find a a happy place here, where you can be honest and have fun and find support.

Original poster

verityrosa · 23/08/2024 19:36

but I’m pretty sure my rape case didn’t make court because of the way I am. I don’t come across a good victim. I was making ‘jokes’ in the police interview videos. I can’t explain why it helps me but it does but that’s the worst example I can think of. I was even laughing at some points of it. But it’s not funny at all which will make no sense to most people!

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TheDefiant · 23/08/2024 19:35

If you want to do a private online journal you could look at Moment Garden (or other similar private apps)

I share about my 2 DC on Moment Garden and only invited people can see what I post. It's very private.

Have fun here. It's brilliant. I learn stuff all the time.

ColinMyWifeBridgerton · 23/08/2024 19:35

This is a very nice thread to read. Good to see that our collective moaning has had a good impact on you and your children's lives.

To answer your question, I don't have photos of DC on any social media. I only share with family and friends via WhatsApp individually or to my family group, maybe once a week.

OkPedro · 23/08/2024 19:34

verityrosa · 23/08/2024 17:40

The 2 of mine that have it are 11 and 14. Tik tok and Facebook and Snapchat

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My two are 15 and 12.. 15 year old has Instagram I don't allow her to have FB or Snapchat. My friends daughter was regularly buying drugs from someone on Snapchat so that was enough for me to not allow it. My 12 year has no social media but does play online with friends

Deadbeatex · 23/08/2024 19:33

verityrosa · 23/08/2024 19:28

I will now say thank you and I will make sure I don’t do that. But really I will definitely do exactly that and if I get a majority of comments telling me I am a bad person and don’t deserve my kids then that’s what I will be 😂😭 someone said something really horrible to me once so I tried to end my life and ended up sectioned: and yes I joke a lot about it and joke about how mentally unstable I am. I have used the same humour around police, doctors , therapists, our social worker , teachers and pretty much everyone. I am a liability.

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Does your DH or your close friends say you are a shit mum? They are the ones I would listen to, not a bunch of strangers who don't know me. You WILL fuck up as a parent, you WILL get stuff wrong, that I can guarantee, doesn't mean that you are a fuck up. Listen to others opinions but fact check with those who actually know you in real life

OkPedro · 23/08/2024 19:32

sunseaandsoundingoff · 23/08/2024 17:17

Basically the rules here are that you can't say anything that may be offensive or not compassionate to anyone with ADHD, autism, and so on.

And if your post is complaining about someone, people will say that person probably has ADHD or autism even when they obviously don't.

But you can be as nasty as you like about trans people, because apparently according to mumsnet they aren't people, they're just rapists who are going to shag your kids or granny if they see them in a public toilet.

"shag your kids and granny" Are you ok posting that?

Original poster

verityrosa · 23/08/2024 19:28

Deadbeatex · 23/08/2024 19:00

I suspected so, it's been suggested I'm also BPD by a counsellor I saw once but I've never been diagnosed, I can see it though and agree I probably have it hence why I recognised it in you and in my own clumsy way was trying to give advice to be yourself lol just please be careful as there are some very strong minded people who post opinions on here as facts, take the time to read all the answers on a thread and then make your own decisions, not just agreeing with the first answer you read if that makes sense?

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I will now say thank you and I will make sure I don’t do that. But really I will definitely do exactly that and if I get a majority of comments telling me I am a bad person and don’t deserve my kids then that’s what I will be 😂😭 someone said something really horrible to me once so I tried to end my life and ended up sectioned: and yes I joke a lot about it and joke about how mentally unstable I am. I have used the same humour around police, doctors , therapists, our social worker , teachers and pretty much everyone. I am a liability.

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Original poster

verityrosa · 23/08/2024 19:25

SensibleSigma · 23/08/2024 19:06

Really sensible posts from the two PPs (previous posters).

Have a read. There’s a section called ‘classics’ which is fun. It’s where the particularly amusing/bizarre/helpful posts go. And where some of the catchphrases you’ll come across come from.

Thank you for this. I had to look up DH a minute ago 😂 I was told I have one and wasn’t sure what it was 😂

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SensibleSigma · 23/08/2024 19:06

Really sensible posts from the two PPs (previous posters).

Have a read. There’s a section called ‘classics’ which is fun. It’s where the particularly amusing/bizarre/helpful posts go. And where some of the catchphrases you’ll come across come from.

TheClawDecides · 23/08/2024 19:03

When I started using social media, I found peoples comments Iike ‘you’re so funny’ or you’re so strong or whatever, really helpful because I can see who I am by other people describing me.

But they're only describing a small snapshot of how you present yourself on social media - not who you actually are.

It's important to remember that, especially if you get comments that are less than kind.

Social media is fun and it's useful, but it should never be taken seriously.

Deadbeatex · 23/08/2024 19:00

verityrosa · 23/08/2024 18:53

No I really don’t 😂 I’ve got something called borderline personality disorder and one of the things with it is not really knowing who I am. When I started using social media, I found peoples comments Iike ‘you’re so funny’ or you’re so strong or whatever, really helpful because I can see who I am by other people describing me. I’m the sort of adult that looks for a grown up to help me when I’m out. I feel the same as I did when I was 15.

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I suspected so, it's been suggested I'm also BPD by a counsellor I saw once but I've never been diagnosed, I can see it though and agree I probably have it hence why I recognised it in you and in my own clumsy way was trying to give advice to be yourself lol just please be careful as there are some very strong minded people who post opinions on here as facts, take the time to read all the answers on a thread and then make your own decisions, not just agreeing with the first answer you read if that makes sense?

Original poster

verityrosa · 23/08/2024 19:00

SensibleSigma · 23/08/2024 18:51

It’s the common sense approach but strangely absent in the real world- at least the part that’s allowed to speak.

It’s a hot topic here because there were so few other places prepared to allow the conversation to happen- and it was dicey here, at times. It’s very heated because good women left this site over what we were and weren’t allowed to say. People fell out with the moderating team, and were banned, and it was a sad era. However, sensible and respectful guidance emerged and we have a way to discuss things. There are ‘monitors’ who sit and read and report us for misgendering, being insulting and so on. And a few who show admirable persistence in turning up to tell us we’re wrong.

We had to argue here for the right to refer to a convicted rapist as ‘he’, when the courts were insisting on using ‘she’. That was a win for us, and it’s actually been a win in the courts as well.

So that’s a hot button subject- just giving you the background so you know what to expect.

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Thank you that’s so interesting. I would feel like I’m transphobic if I say aloud some
things I think about it all. But for all the joking about I do, I am a rape victim and to this day I don’t like to be alone with a man I don’t know so the thought of one being allowed in the toilets or changing rooms when I’m in there because he is wearing a dress and calls himself Susan makes me really uncomfortable. But I would never ever say anything as I don’t want to be transphobic! Honestly outside of those toilets or space , I would be fine with this person. I have met a lot of trans people and I will call them by the name they ask me to and treat them the same as I treat everyone else. But if I say that part but then say ‘I don’t want trans women in the women’s toilets’ then I am being transphobic aren’t I. What’s the answer to it? My girls school has separate toilets floor to ceiling doors and separate sinks etc so no boys or girls but not mixed either

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