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Cleaner found my toy - need to emigrate

260 replies

Alaskabound · 23/08/2024 15:53

Am I being unreasonable to go to Alaska, or would even further be more appropriate? Would have to be English speaking, but i would be sending for the DCs when the dust settles so i can’t afford Australia. Unless they go overland… Hmm.

DCs at a sleepover last night. A night alone meant the first time I could have some me time in six loooooong weeks of summer holiday. So obviously I used my rabbit thruster three times in 10 hours discerningly checked to see if my discreet adult toy was still working in case it were ever to be called upon. Unfortunately I left it on the bedside table because I was getting the last one in casually strolling out to pick the DCs up. The cleaner has been, and has placed it in a drawer. The cleaner who I know from the school playground and to whom I have never said a word other than to discuss cleaning and make small talk.

So the question is, is there an Air Alaska or should I go via American / United and change at their hubs? I will check for responses whilst packing. Thanks.

OP posts:
eggandchip · 23/08/2024 16:49

Ibloodylovetea · 23/08/2024 16:48

My hubby bought me an enormous butt plug as a joke for my 60th birthday - I mean this thing is HUGE! Having unwrapped my pressies that morning, was still in the living room when cleaner arrived. She asked what it was. Hubby (with naughty look on his face) said 'ask the missus' I casually remarked that it was a door stop. She said 'oh it looks like a huge but plug to me' 😂
.

😂😂

Ibloodylovetea · 23/08/2024 16:48

My hubby bought me an enormous butt plug as a joke for my 60th birthday - I mean this thing is HUGE! Having unwrapped my pressies that morning, was still in the living room when cleaner arrived. She asked what it was. Hubby (with naughty look on his face) said 'ask the missus' I casually remarked that it was a door stop. She said 'oh it looks like a huge but plug to me' 😂
.

MaryGreenhill · 23/08/2024 16:47

Text her a link to this thread she will die laughing , job done 😂

eggandchip · 23/08/2024 16:47

Im off to cuba in 4 days i can pop you in my case.

IOnlyNeedTheSilence · 23/08/2024 16:46

olderbutwiser · 23/08/2024 16:03

Brazen it out - ask the cleaner whether she used anything on it when she was cleaning, as you've noticed a pleasing difference in the tingle since last time.

Or put it somewhere different for her to find every time she comes. By the bath, behind the sofa cushions, next to your computer keyboard etc.

Ahh it would be like being haunted by an evil vibrator 😂

Twototwo15 · 23/08/2024 16:46

@redalex261 @WitchyBits , these cracked me up. Somehow the animals excited about their new found toys makes it funnier.

IttyBittyTittyCommittee · 23/08/2024 16:45

Sorry, OP… but I am howling at this 😂😂😂 you should write for a living!

I feel your embarrassment and I’m cringing for you …

Your sense of humour will get you through, I’m sure 😂😂

rainbowlou · 23/08/2024 16:45

Babysitting years ago I was asked to sit on the parent’s bed to read a story to the girls who slept in there.
One opened the drawer to get a book and pulled out a silk scarf which promptly unrolled in her hand and the longest, thickest dildo plopped on the floor..my jaw hit the ground! I’m no prude and had a collection myself but this thing..jeez it would have come up out of her throat I swear!!
Thank god there was a scarf to carefully pick it up and chuck it back in 😀

JL690 · 23/08/2024 16:44

I think you should just thank her for being so meticulous at her job 😜

Twoshoesnewshoes · 23/08/2024 16:44

Argentina? Or a really really long worldwide cruise?
my male friend, when we were late teens, was having some me time, headphones on, in his bedroom at home.
when opened his eyes when all done, his mum had left him a cup of tea on the bedside table 😂😳

REP22 · 23/08/2024 16:42

At least it wasn't like Miranda in Sex and the City, where her older Ukrainian cleaning lady Magda removed the vibrator from her "goody drawer" and replaced it with a statue of the Virgin Mary.

It will be alright @Alaskabound. Never mention it again. I bet she's got one. They sell ever so many. It'll be fine.

Alternatively, I hear Tierra del Fuego is nice this time of year. 😉

Londontown12 · 23/08/2024 16:40

Simonjt · 23/08/2024 16:04

Ah could be worse, ours recently asked where we bought our squirter pump for cleaning in awkward places and flushig out the overflow on the sink. It’s a douche, shes been cleaning our bathroom with something that goes up my actual arse.

Oh my days ! That cracked me up 😂😂😂😂

SunQueen24 · 23/08/2024 16:39

Ive had several cleaners who all start by shoving cables in the “sex drawer” and then obviously realise what it is and stop accessing that drawer. We just don’t talk about it.

Anotherusername2024 · 23/08/2024 16:38

Oh god ... I remember falling asleep when lived at home my big pink vibrating buddy to my side. It went in a very public bin when we moved house just in case (I was 18 and didn't know what the hell to do ha)

Is Alaska far enough? Remote enough?

Ibloodylovetea · 23/08/2024 16:37

In a similar vein: I had an elderly bachelor (& rather stuffy) uncle visiting. My son (then aged about 4) had gone to bed, but reappeared in the sitting room to show him a sanitary towel that he'd stuck into his PJs saying 'look uncle I've got a special plaster like mummy has!' I don't know who was more embarrassed me or uncle 😂When I told my mum about it she commented thank God he didn't find your tampons! 😫

Mistralli · 23/08/2024 16:37

My toddler recently found the drawer. Fortunately she didn't manage to turn anything on, but it all got a good examine.

If you're wondering why I didn't drag or distract her away - well that would make it all more intriguing. I'm hoping that having removed condoms from a box and replaced them 30 odd times she'll now consider them entirely uninteresting until I have to discuss contraception when puberty hits!

Lightdarkshade · 23/08/2024 16:36

Same thing happened to me except the cleaner made the bed and placed the aggressively li k toy directly in the middle of the pillow...

LittleRedYarny · 23/08/2024 16:33

May I suggest you emigrate to Dildo in Newfoundland and Labrador, (it only has a population of about 200 so very unlikely you will ever bump into anyone you know.)

Floogal · 23/08/2024 16:33

Try St Helena, Tristan, Ascension or Falkland Islands. Very far away, remote but they all speak English.

verityrosa · 23/08/2024 16:33

I used to run a playgroup and one of the mums emptied her baby change bag out once and a vibrator fell out. She said she uses it to get her kid to sleep. 😭😭 under the cot mattress when in bed and under the pram when out and about. She had zero shame in that but did make a point of it being a clean one 😭😭

ExpectantEs · 23/08/2024 16:33

😂😂 this made my day

menopausalmare · 23/08/2024 16:32

Can you do a Julia from Motherland and say it's a scooter handle?

AgnesX · 23/08/2024 16:32

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

I hope she was wearing gloves.

Currywurstscot · 23/08/2024 16:30

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

rainbowbee · 23/08/2024 16:28

Newname71 · 23/08/2024 16:04

Crying here 😂.
My mum found mine!! We were emptying the drawers under my bed to move it so a guy could sand the floorboards. (He was waiting on the landing)
She accidentally switched it on! It was vibrating and thrusting in her hand and she couldn’t turn it off!! 😂😂
She hastily wrapped it in a t shirt ran past him and threw it into the bathroom!

Now I'm crying 🤣🤣🤣

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