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Cleaner found my toy - need to emigrate

260 replies

Alaskabound · 23/08/2024 15:53

Am I being unreasonable to go to Alaska, or would even further be more appropriate? Would have to be English speaking, but i would be sending for the DCs when the dust settles so i can’t afford Australia. Unless they go overland… Hmm.

DCs at a sleepover last night. A night alone meant the first time I could have some me time in six loooooong weeks of summer holiday. So obviously I used my rabbit thruster three times in 10 hours discerningly checked to see if my discreet adult toy was still working in case it were ever to be called upon. Unfortunately I left it on the bedside table because I was getting the last one in casually strolling out to pick the DCs up. The cleaner has been, and has placed it in a drawer. The cleaner who I know from the school playground and to whom I have never said a word other than to discuss cleaning and make small talk.

So the question is, is there an Air Alaska or should I go via American / United and change at their hubs? I will check for responses whilst packing. Thanks.

OP posts:
PeggyMitchellsCameo · 23/08/2024 18:05

A bit more 70’s me and my mate were in her parents attic and found a copy of The Joy of Sex fully illustrated from the days before anyone shaved anything.
We were only 10 and were fascinated.
Now everything is much more out in the open - literally.
Have you thought about breaking the law? Nothing violent, but just enough to get you a little spell visiting His Majesty.
Now there’s a question.
Has anyone been caught smuggling a vibrator into
a prison?

LoneHydrangea · 23/08/2024 18:04

God, who cares? Don’t most adult women have vibrators? It should not be a source of shame.

InspectorSpacetime · 23/08/2024 18:01

Yozzer87 · 23/08/2024 17:54

Oh come on now. For someone who never got on with toys you wouldn't have had a load of dildos and a gimp mask jeez.

I meant the LED facemask might look suspicious if you didn't know what it was!

steadywinner · 23/08/2024 18:01

Newname71 · 23/08/2024 16:04

Crying here 😂.
My mum found mine!! We were emptying the drawers under my bed to move it so a guy could sand the floorboards. (He was waiting on the landing)
She accidentally switched it on! It was vibrating and thrusting in her hand and she couldn’t turn it off!! 😂😂
She hastily wrapped it in a t shirt ran past him and threw it into the bathroom!

Omg I'm dying 😂😂😂

Alaskabound · 23/08/2024 17:58

shellyleppard · 23/08/2024 17:45

@Alaskabound my son and his friend found my vibrator when they were about 7 years older, I came upstairs as it was suspiciously quiet 😳😳 can you hide yours under a pillow to muffle the noise??

Muffle it with a pillow whilst in use? Not sure I have the dexterity for that, but I definitely don’t have the will. I’m in mum mode when they’re around, even when they’re asleep! Normally it’s fine because I work from home but the six week summer holidays is a long stretch!

OP posts:
Yozzer87 · 23/08/2024 17:54

InspectorSpacetime · 23/08/2024 17:45

I had a collection of toys that I never much used (don't get on with them, though DH would keep buying them!). When he was away I decided to take them all to the tip, along with some other crap to get rid of, one of which was one of those LED face masks I never used either. As I loaded them into the boot, I had horrible visions of having a car accident and the paramedics/police investigating the car and coming across a bag of dildos and a gimp mask.

I have never driven so carefully in my life as I did to the tip that day! Luckily I disposed of my items successfully.

Oh come on now. For someone who never got on with toys you wouldn't have had a load of dildos and a gimp mask jeez.

Nightjar33 · 23/08/2024 17:51

I was at a friend’s mums funeral and a smal group of us went back to her house ended up having a karaoke.
After going to the loo her sister who was pissed and came downstairs saying it’s my turn to sing and produced a large vibrator to use as a microphone. 🤣🤣

comingintomyown · 23/08/2024 17:51

Fahran · 23/08/2024 17:19

It reminds me of that BBC TV interview with Yvette Amos during covid where there was a big pink toy clearly visible on a shelf in the background.

Edited

😂

Miffylou · 23/08/2024 17:51

Nice one!

TheSkyRaisin · 23/08/2024 17:51

May I suggest Tristan da Cunha, the most remote island in the Atlantic and 1,750 miles from land. They speak English, although it's a distinct dialect.

Seriously though, had you cleaned it??? It would worry me more that the cleaner touched your fanny-juice than that she knows you have a sex toy Blush

I also want to know the rest of the story from @Simonjt Grin

housethatbuiltme · 23/08/2024 17:51

Could be worse.

When I went into premature labor due to my waters breaking I was rushed off to hospital and MIL decided to help by cleaning up the house so it would be ready for our return.

Upon return we found she hadn't just cleaned the puddle on the floor but she had gone through every bedside draw and carefully organized and arranged all our adult toys, condoms, lubricants etc...

Shes a very passive aggressive person, so I'm sure she was sending a judgemental message.

InSpainTheRain · 23/08/2024 17:49

Have you considered a remote house in Greenland or Patagonia? But if you are moving please ensure you take the batteries out of it because that could be another issue at security in the airport!

TheABC · 23/08/2024 17:48

DowngradedToATropicalStorm · 23/08/2024 17:27

Could you leave it out again but stick some googly eyes on it?

Howling at this.
Mine are buried deep, locked in an unobtrusive bag after my daughter found one in the bedside drawer.

Luckily she was young at the time and thought it was for scalp massages.

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 23/08/2024 17:48

PussGirl · 23/08/2024 16:03

Perhaps she had a go with it 🤣

Noooo, ewwww, 😂

shellyleppard · 23/08/2024 17:45

@Alaskabound my son and his friend found my vibrator when they were about 7 years older, I came upstairs as it was suspiciously quiet 😳😳 can you hide yours under a pillow to muffle the noise??

InspectorSpacetime · 23/08/2024 17:45

I had a collection of toys that I never much used (don't get on with them, though DH would keep buying them!). When he was away I decided to take them all to the tip, along with some other crap to get rid of, one of which was one of those LED face masks I never used either. As I loaded them into the boot, I had horrible visions of having a car accident and the paramedics/police investigating the car and coming across a bag of dildos and a gimp mask.

I have never driven so carefully in my life as I did to the tip that day! Luckily I disposed of my items successfully.

wtfissummer · 23/08/2024 17:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Don't be a killjoy
It's totes hilaire/funniest thread ever, etc

Alaskabound · 23/08/2024 17:36

These replies are funny.

My cleaner seems the reliable type so I’m hoping she moved it out of kindness not after use!

I confided in my friend by text earlier who replied ‘Your cleaner comes on Friday, you come on Thursday night!’ That made me laugh as well.

I know that people have entire drawers full of toys but I’ve never encountered such a thing. One is risky enough for me!

And for whoever asked - I feel far too embarrassed to use it with the DCs in the house. Even when they’re asleep, when the motor sounds like I’m driving a speedboat.

OP posts:
shellyleppard · 23/08/2024 17:36

@Simonjt i think its now relegated to cleaning the bathroom sink.....🥴🥴😳🤣 I would die of embarrassment!!

PandaChopChop · 23/08/2024 17:33

DowngradedToATropicalStorm · 23/08/2024 17:27

Could you leave it out again but stick some googly eyes on it?

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

PandaChopChop · 23/08/2024 17:33

😅🤣 my best friend and I have a pact, if and when one of us dies before the other, to get rid of the toy drawer before anyone else comes looking 🤣🤣🤣

StarryDance · 23/08/2024 17:30

AmiablePedant · 23/08/2024 16:22

Please, mods, this has to go in Mumsnet Classics. And possibly win the prize for the most quickly nominated thread!

Edited

It really doesn't.

NPET · 23/08/2024 17:28

At college we are forever finding each other's "toys". Got to the point where we're comparing them and finding it very suspicious when a girl says she hasn't got one! 🤔

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 23/08/2024 17:28

I do feel that your cleaner should have left it where it was and taped a neat square around it with hazard tape. But maybe I'm just being picky here.

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