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Cleaner found my toy - need to emigrate

260 replies

Alaskabound · 23/08/2024 15:53

Am I being unreasonable to go to Alaska, or would even further be more appropriate? Would have to be English speaking, but i would be sending for the DCs when the dust settles so i can’t afford Australia. Unless they go overland… Hmm.

DCs at a sleepover last night. A night alone meant the first time I could have some me time in six loooooong weeks of summer holiday. So obviously I used my rabbit thruster three times in 10 hours discerningly checked to see if my discreet adult toy was still working in case it were ever to be called upon. Unfortunately I left it on the bedside table because I was getting the last one in casually strolling out to pick the DCs up. The cleaner has been, and has placed it in a drawer. The cleaner who I know from the school playground and to whom I have never said a word other than to discuss cleaning and make small talk.

So the question is, is there an Air Alaska or should I go via American / United and change at their hubs? I will check for responses whilst packing. Thanks.

OP posts:
Duckduckgoose24 · 23/08/2024 19:48

Combattingthemoaners · 23/08/2024 19:39

😂 brilliant. What about Yemen?

A Yeman? Where can you buy one of these? Lovehoney is it?

Combattingthemoaners · 23/08/2024 19:39

😂 brilliant. What about Yemen?

infor · 23/08/2024 19:39

cocoloco23 · 23/08/2024 18:48

I’m pretty sure I read a novel once about someone who nominated a friend to go through their ‘stuff’ before their family.

This site calls those people “eradicators” which made me laugh for some reason: gizmodo.com/who-will-dispose-of-your-porn-and-sex-toys-after-you-di-1496542636

At a social gathering, a recently bereaved woman (non-British) asked the assembled company for advice on how to recycle the toys that they'd used as a couple.
We all feigned complete incomprehension - I think she left with the distinct impression that no British woman ever uses toys.

Jom222 · 23/08/2024 19:39

I have a virtual friend from alaska who says that people who think they can outrun something by moving to rural alaska are wrong, that the locals will find out every bit of a newcomers history.

so before you pack up and move, change your identity or the shame will follow you there. Also I'm told its cold and dark all winter.

largeeyes · 23/08/2024 19:26

Brazen it out- stand it upright next time and stick a photo of your favourite celeb's face on it

Alaskabound · 23/08/2024 19:24

EI12 · 23/08/2024 19:14

I thought the tone could not sink any lower - but posting about wanking? Seriously?

I’m so sorry for lowering the tone to such foul and debauched levels.

But actually, whilst I’m at it, you should know that I had sex before I was married, have had sex with (shock) more than one man, sometimes (horror) do it for purposes other than reproduction and (the sheer awfulness of it) when a man isn’t around I sometimes enjoy myself alone!

I’m so sorry and I hope you can forgive me.

OP posts:
Jewnicorn · 23/08/2024 19:22

My little boy (now 12) had a LOT of needles when he was young and I bought him this thing called a ‘shot buddy’ which is this small vibrating thing that you place just above where the needle is going in to disrupt the pain signals going to the brain or something. No idea, it works though.
Anyway, sat with my (very prude, very religious) now ex in laws many years ago when my eldest marches in and asks what the buzzy thing in my drawer was. No amount of frantic explanation made them believe me.
Less innocently, my dad was helping us move house about eleven years ago and he picked up a box that was literally ALL toys only for the bottom to fall out and scatter them at the feet of him and my new next door neighbour. He looked my husband dead in the face and just said ‘so many?!’ And it was at that moment I was glad I’d moved countries and he’d be heading back home shortly 😂

tribalmango · 23/08/2024 19:21

And for whoever asked - I feel far too embarrassed to use it with the DCs in the house. Even when they’re asleep, when the motor sounds like I’m driving a speedboat.

You need an upgrade!

Overtheatlantic · 23/08/2024 19:19

Take the shame and leave a tip. Also 😂😂

Jacopo · 23/08/2024 19:15

Even further away than Alaska is Rabbit Island, in Tasman Bay, New Zealand. Population is currently zero, so you should be safe enough.

EI12 · 23/08/2024 19:14

I thought the tone could not sink any lower - but posting about wanking? Seriously?

whoscoatsthatjacket2012 · 23/08/2024 18:59

Newname71 · 23/08/2024 16:04

Crying here 😂.
My mum found mine!! We were emptying the drawers under my bed to move it so a guy could sand the floorboards. (He was waiting on the landing)
She accidentally switched it on! It was vibrating and thrusting in her hand and she couldn’t turn it off!! 😂😂
She hastily wrapped it in a t shirt ran past him and threw it into the bathroom!

Oh my god I'm howling

Bloom15 · 23/08/2024 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

You sounds fun - do you need a rabbit?!

Bloom15 · 23/08/2024 18:53

LittleRedYarny · 23/08/2024 16:33

May I suggest you emigrate to Dildo in Newfoundland and Labrador, (it only has a population of about 200 so very unlikely you will ever bump into anyone you know.)

Ha ha need to go there and send a postcard to my prudish cousin!

oakleaffy · 23/08/2024 18:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Vibrators &c are so mainstream these days- Nothing to frighten the horses.

I'd be much more embarrassed if a child found it, rather than a female cleaner.

EmoIsntDead · 23/08/2024 18:52

Leave it out next week with some bracelets round it and some rings hanging off the bunny ears. Ask her why she put your new jewellery holder in the drawer? 🤣

GingerPirate · 23/08/2024 18:49

😂
Stuff happens....

PussGirl · 23/08/2024 18:48

LoneHydrangea · 23/08/2024 18:04

God, who cares? Don’t most adult women have vibrators? It should not be a source of shame.

I don’t like them myself.

dildos and butt plugs are a different story 😺

cocoloco23 · 23/08/2024 18:48

AInightingale · 23/08/2024 16:54

You do all realise that if you go out and get hit by the number 47 bus, your next of kin will find these items anyway when they're going through your personal effects. (Except you'll be dead anyway and it won't matter so much.)

I’m pretty sure I read a novel once about someone who nominated a friend to go through their ‘stuff’ before their family.

This site calls those people “eradicators” which made me laugh for some reason: gizmodo.com/who-will-dispose-of-your-porn-and-sex-toys-after-you-di-1496542636

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 23/08/2024 18:47

Didn't mean the hearts!!

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 23/08/2024 18:47

Allthehorsesintheworld · 23/08/2024 18:40

Believe me kids have come out with far worse at news time and don’t get me started on show and tell. 😳

I took my dog into class for mine. How times have changed 😂😂💓💓

LeopardPrint12 · 23/08/2024 18:46

My friend used to work in an after school club and a kid pulled some handcuffs out of his bag and said 'Found these in mum and dad's room' !

Duckduckgoose24 · 23/08/2024 18:43

Alaskabound · 23/08/2024 15:58

There’s a train to London leaving in an hour.

I could still be found in Anchorage. There must be an Inuit settlement somewhere I could camp on the edge of for three or four decades.

Find an igloo rammed with other hussies*

  • I jest.

I once left mine in the bathroom sink ready to wash. A friend came round and to this day I can't remember if she went to the loo on her visit or not.

cocoloco23 · 23/08/2024 18:43

Twoshoesnewshoes · 23/08/2024 16:44

Argentina? Or a really really long worldwide cruise?
my male friend, when we were late teens, was having some me time, headphones on, in his bedroom at home.
when opened his eyes when all done, his mum had left him a cup of tea on the bedside table 😂😳

The Mary Whitehouse Experience used to do a v funny routine about this story back in the early 90s. I remember seeing Rob Newman (I think) doing a visual gag about it onstage.

Allthehorsesintheworld · 23/08/2024 18:40

WantingARefund · 23/08/2024 16:00

😂😂😂 Can I come with? DS5 found my bullet vibrator the other day and was convinced it was a special pen to tickle his tummy. Luckily I’ve explained it away (and brought a child lock for the drawer!) but I’m dreading this coming up when he’s back at school should he suddenly remember and tell the class about mummy’s buzzy pen 🫢

Believe me kids have come out with far worse at news time and don’t get me started on show and tell. 😳