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Cleaner found my toy - need to emigrate

260 replies

Alaskabound · 23/08/2024 15:53

Am I being unreasonable to go to Alaska, or would even further be more appropriate? Would have to be English speaking, but i would be sending for the DCs when the dust settles so i can’t afford Australia. Unless they go overland… Hmm.

DCs at a sleepover last night. A night alone meant the first time I could have some me time in six loooooong weeks of summer holiday. So obviously I used my rabbit thruster three times in 10 hours discerningly checked to see if my discreet adult toy was still working in case it were ever to be called upon. Unfortunately I left it on the bedside table because I was getting the last one in casually strolling out to pick the DCs up. The cleaner has been, and has placed it in a drawer. The cleaner who I know from the school playground and to whom I have never said a word other than to discuss cleaning and make small talk.

So the question is, is there an Air Alaska or should I go via American / United and change at their hubs? I will check for responses whilst packing. Thanks.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 23/08/2024 21:10

AInightingale · 23/08/2024 16:54

You do all realise that if you go out and get hit by the number 47 bus, your next of kin will find these items anyway when they're going through your personal effects. (Except you'll be dead anyway and it won't matter so much.)

Ah

My friend and I have said that if one of us die that we will go round and empty their bottom drawer before parents see

infor · 23/08/2024 20:59

TheMarzipanDildo · 23/08/2024 20:25

Mary Whitehouse has entered the building.

Onanism is a perfectly reasonable topic of conversation.

You come across as rather self-satisfied.

Fetchthevet · 23/08/2024 20:52

This thread reminds me of my naive but lovely auntie who had never married. She accidentally bought 2 vibrators at a car boot sale (yes, second hand ones - yuck) For some reason she thought they were those fake candles and put them on her mantlepiece, either side of a clock😬I had to tell her what they really were, luckily she just laughed and wasn't too embarrassed.

Calliopespa · 23/08/2024 20:45

TheMarzipanDildo · 23/08/2024 20:26

Yep. And Siemen’s Energy, which sounds a bit wrong.

Ive now got Pedigree tasty dog treats and am not going to look for a link.

itsgettingweird · 23/08/2024 20:42

BanksysSprayCan · 23/08/2024 20:37

I am getting ads for Pendennis Castle 🤣🤣🤣

An anagram of Penis Ascent

I'm getting them for jet2 🤔

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 23/08/2024 20:42

Have a word with Elon, maybe he can move SpaceX back a bit for you...

In all seriousness, the cleaner probably just had a bit of a giggle and felt sorry for you - she'll know you'd be mortified!

ilikemethewayiam · 23/08/2024 20:38

Omg, this reminds me of a friend who decided to make some money selling vibrators (many years ago), just plain cream coloured ones with no additions. She came home from work to find her 6 year old had found a box under her bed and handed them out to some of the kids on the street and told them they were space shuttles! 😳

BanksysSprayCan · 23/08/2024 20:37

I am getting ads for Pendennis Castle 🤣🤣🤣

An anagram of Penis Ascent

GivingitToGod · 23/08/2024 20:35

Alaskabound · 23/08/2024 16:00

I’m pleased she moved them! Otherwise I’d have been like ‘Did she actually see it, or did it somehow escape her sight??’ Plus also the kids would’ve come home and I’d have found them waving it around like a bloody light sabre.

Let this go OP, no biggie at all

00BonneMaman00 · 23/08/2024 20:35

Reminds me of the time my cousin got a call from her son's headteacher who said he had brought her vibrator into school and was running round the playground brandishing it at everyone.

Cousin apologised and was obvs mortified. Then the headteacher asked if she wanted it back. "No no! Please just chuck it in the bin thank you!!" She replied.

She didn't do the school pick up for several weeks after that 🫢

itsgettingweird · 23/08/2024 20:27

Simonj your posts have had me in hysterics over the years but that one may have just won 😇

TheMarzipanDildo · 23/08/2024 20:26

TeacheeTeacherson · 23/08/2024 20:06

Anyone else getting ads now for dildoesque salt and pepper mills?!

Yep. And Siemen’s Energy, which sounds a bit wrong.

itsgettingweird · 23/08/2024 20:25

Simonjt · 23/08/2024 16:04

Ah could be worse, ours recently asked where we bought our squirter pump for cleaning in awkward places and flushig out the overflow on the sink. It’s a douche, shes been cleaning our bathroom with something that goes up my actual arse.

😂😂😂😂😂

TheMarzipanDildo · 23/08/2024 20:25

EI12 · 23/08/2024 19:14

I thought the tone could not sink any lower - but posting about wanking? Seriously?

Mary Whitehouse has entered the building.

Onanism is a perfectly reasonable topic of conversation.

Calliopespa · 23/08/2024 20:24

TeacheeTeacherson · 23/08/2024 20:19

Lol!

With the implication being that people who read threads about sex toys would even enjoy grinding pepper with a phallic thingy…

Newsenmum · 23/08/2024 20:22

Are you sure she didn’t think it was the handlebar of a scooter?

motherland fan

TeacheeTeacherson · 23/08/2024 20:19

Calliopespa · 23/08/2024 20:18

Oh we crossed in posting. Yes!!!

Lol!

Calliopespa · 23/08/2024 20:18

Calliopespa · 23/08/2024 20:18

Is anyone else getting ads for large knobbly candle holders and salt and pepper mills on this thread?

Oh we crossed in posting. Yes!!!

Calliopespa · 23/08/2024 20:18

Is anyone else getting ads for large knobbly candle holders and salt and pepper mills on this thread?

TeacheeTeacherson · 23/08/2024 20:06

Anyone else getting ads now for dildoesque salt and pepper mills?!

Cleaner found my toy - need to emigrate
mossybranches · 23/08/2024 20:03

mumsnetters love some cleaner-porn.
shove it in the title, watch thread run for 4 weeks then reach the daily rags, double back again, segue into the public school pob swamp then all the way back around again to ....cleaners.
GOAL!

Personally I would like to know why Henry's in holiday lets are so popular and often smell of dog sick.

dannyufcfan · 23/08/2024 20:03

On the plus side, she might have cleaned it for you. So, it'll be ready to go.

Missmarymack2 · 23/08/2024 19:59

MiddleAgedDread · 23/08/2024 15:56

I checked Skyscanner and the cheapest seems to Lufthansa / LHR to Anchorage via Frankfurt, departing 08:30 tomorrow morning. Do you need a hotel overnight at LHR??

😂

PifandHercule · 23/08/2024 19:59

😂😂

TheBerry · 23/08/2024 19:54

Catza · 23/08/2024 15:59

An adult woman masturbates. Big whoop…
My partner is a builder, we have two of his friends staying with us who come to help out on bigger projects couple of times a year. They were doing some work for someone we know and one day I came home to excited voices telling my partner they accidentally opened a drawer when moving a bedside table and found a collection of personal items. At which point, I had to take them around the bathroom they have been using for two months to point at butt plug and a vibrator on a bathroom shelf and ask them whether they ever noticed or reflected on these objects. They never spoke about it again. They were horrified to even bring it up in front of me. Adult men… mind boggles.
I am sure your sensible female cleaner won’t think twice about it.

ETA: I am selling my flat in Spain. Might you be interested?

Edited

Why tf do you just have a butt plug sitting there on the bathroom shelf I can’t 😭😭😭