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Cleaner found my toy - need to emigrate

260 replies

Alaskabound · 23/08/2024 15:53

Am I being unreasonable to go to Alaska, or would even further be more appropriate? Would have to be English speaking, but i would be sending for the DCs when the dust settles so i can’t afford Australia. Unless they go overland… Hmm.

DCs at a sleepover last night. A night alone meant the first time I could have some me time in six loooooong weeks of summer holiday. So obviously I used my rabbit thruster three times in 10 hours discerningly checked to see if my discreet adult toy was still working in case it were ever to be called upon. Unfortunately I left it on the bedside table because I was getting the last one in casually strolling out to pick the DCs up. The cleaner has been, and has placed it in a drawer. The cleaner who I know from the school playground and to whom I have never said a word other than to discuss cleaning and make small talk.

So the question is, is there an Air Alaska or should I go via American / United and change at their hubs? I will check for responses whilst packing. Thanks.

OP posts:
Threebutterflies24 · 23/08/2024 22:55

Newname71 · 23/08/2024 16:04

Crying here 😂.
My mum found mine!! We were emptying the drawers under my bed to move it so a guy could sand the floorboards. (He was waiting on the landing)
She accidentally switched it on! It was vibrating and thrusting in her hand and she couldn’t turn it off!! 😂😂
She hastily wrapped it in a t shirt ran past him and threw it into the bathroom!

Omg this made me laugh so much ! just imagining this is hilarious 🤣😂

AmiablePedant · 23/08/2024 22:52

EI12 · 23/08/2024 19:14

I thought the tone could not sink any lower - but posting about wanking? Seriously?

No, my dear; if the poster were male it would be wanking; OP was simply discussing self-pleasuring. Which is a high and noble and very necessary calling.

Stillanothernamechange · 23/08/2024 22:44

Newsenmum · 23/08/2024 20:22

Are you sure she didn’t think it was the handlebar of a scooter?

motherland fan

We’ve had some child wheelbarrow handles knocking about our house for years - red rubber things too tight to get on the damn wheelbarrow so we just never used them. I’m now wondering how many visitors (including our cleaner who is also a school run mum) have assumed they’re something else 😳

Alaskabound · 23/08/2024 22:36

Drippycandle · 23/08/2024 22:22

@Alaskabound yes. Vibrators are everywhere now and surely all women like to orgasm?

I guess you’re right. It’s just an irrational sense of embarrassment. Just reading the replies here, some are as mortified as I am, and others are very blasé.
Thinking logically, there’s nothing to be ashamed about. But in reality there’s still only a couple of people in my real life I’d ever be comfortable discussing this kind of stuff with.

OP posts:
TheCadoganArms · 23/08/2024 22:27

My embarrassing moment was when my cousin was trying to catch a huge spider that had run on top of a kitchen cupboard. He knocked over a box and my Traceys Dog vibrator fell out and bonked him on the head.

Is not said that when someone invents a vibrator that can get rid of spiders then men will be obsolete?

TheCadoganArms · 23/08/2024 22:25

I used to have a part time job as an estate agent when at uni. It was astonishing how often sex toys were left out in plain sight when conducting viewings. I remember conducting a viewing on this beautiful Georgian five bedroom town house once. The place was impeccably decorated, all the original features, lovely garden, something you would expect to feature in some glossy magazine. The potential buyers were falling in love with the place as they were blown away with every room. If was just a shame that the proverbial mood music was punctured when they saw the huge suction cup dildo stuck to the tiled bathroom wall. It was just nonchalantly hanging there like a baby elephant had poked it's trunk through a hole in the wall.

Drippycandle · 23/08/2024 22:22

@Alaskabound yes. Vibrators are everywhere now and surely all women like to orgasm?

TortillasAndSalsa · 23/08/2024 22:19

@Alaskabound I totally feel your pain and I can sympathise as my big cousin who is like a big brother to me found my toy drawer when he went to get a charger cable for ds's PS5 controller. Much hilarity ensured and it still gets brought up randomly 😂😂 he's lucky I like him hahaha

Oreosandwich · 23/08/2024 22:14

I'm a cleaner and I've seen every type of dildo, vibrator, sex toy and costume in people's homes. I just work around them and pretend they're not there. The only ones that made me pause were a carrot wrapped in cling film under the pillow, and a giant pink dildo that had the word 'penetration' written up the side of it in sharpie.

My embarrassing moment was when my cousin was trying to catch a huge spider that had run on top of a kitchen cupboard. He knocked over a box and my Traceys Dog vibrator fell out and bonked him on the head.

Alaskabound · 23/08/2024 22:13

Drippycandle · 23/08/2024 22:06

I’m just reading this thread and feel like I’ve gone back to Victorian England or something.
I just wouldn’t really be slightly embarrassed about this tbh 🤷‍♀️
I don’t think it’s anything different to a cleaner seeing a box of tampons or a pair of knickers, just intimate stuff that everyone has and no one really cares about?
Although the midwife who delivered my baby was a mum on my school run too and I didn’t dwell on that much either, I just figure, we’re all grown ups.
Cleaners have really seen everything anyway.

Would you honestly feel no different? My cleaner sees tampons every time she goes in the bathroom, and I probably have knickers on the floor half the time. But I wish I was as relaxed as you are about a vibrator. To me it’s way more embarrassing although clearly it’s not that unusual to own one.

These are the things I ponder as I sit here in departures. Duty Free was quiet, I must say. Oh hang on, they’re calling us to board.

OP posts:
ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 23/08/2024 22:11

Happened to me the other way round! Cleaning dd(19) room, found a vibrator. Diplomatically put it back where I found it. Put her sheets in the wash. Couple of hours later, DH finds a second vibrator in the washing machine. It was shoved in the bag with no 1, and NEVER mentioned. DH was slightly traumatised, but no other harm done! I'm glad she doesn't know- I'd hate her to move to Alaska!

Drippycandle · 23/08/2024 22:06

I’m just reading this thread and feel like I’ve gone back to Victorian England or something.
I just wouldn’t really be slightly embarrassed about this tbh 🤷‍♀️
I don’t think it’s anything different to a cleaner seeing a box of tampons or a pair of knickers, just intimate stuff that everyone has and no one really cares about?
Although the midwife who delivered my baby was a mum on my school run too and I didn’t dwell on that much either, I just figure, we’re all grown ups.
Cleaners have really seen everything anyway.

LilyJessie · 23/08/2024 21:58

Absolutely no need to be ashamed of that!!
But I am cracking up they put it in the drawer.

feelingalittlehorse · 23/08/2024 21:50

In a similar low point, one of my labs likes to bring people “gifts”- that’s his party trick. Normally dog toys, the occasional cushion or shoe. He just presents you with it and then sits there wagging.

Had the plumber round, and suddenly heard a voice from the kitchen “er, sorry, but your dog keeps bringing me things”.

Walked in to see plumber staring resolutely at the boiler, two used sanitary towels from the bathroom bin deposited at his feet and a very, very proud Labrador sat there. 🥴🤦‍♀️

RainbowZebraWarrior · 23/08/2024 21:49

tygertygers · 23/08/2024 21:43

Yes, I've heard this story many times over the last decade.

Rincewindswind · 23/08/2024 21:49

I would add a few more rabbits before her next visit. Different sizes and colours 🐇🐇🐇🐇🐇

Calliopespa · 23/08/2024 21:47

BanksysSprayCan · 23/08/2024 20:37

I am getting ads for Pendennis Castle 🤣🤣🤣

An anagram of Penis Ascent

Pendennis!🤣 Must have been a programmer with a stutter!

IncessantNameChanger · 23/08/2024 21:45

olderbutwiser · 23/08/2024 16:03

Brazen it out - ask the cleaner whether she used anything on it when she was cleaning, as you've noticed a pleasing difference in the tingle since last time.

Or put it somewhere different for her to find every time she comes. By the bath, behind the sofa cushions, next to your computer keyboard etc.

Do this!

katseyes7 · 23/08/2024 21:44

*Fetchthevet *Someone l worked with many years ago told me that when he and his wife were invited to their elderly neighbour's house for coffee there was a vibrator on the coffee table. Quite a big one, apparently.
After a lot of stifled giggles and side eyes, his wife asked (very diplomatically and in a roundabout fashion, so l was told) about it. The lady announced that she'd seen it in a local shop that sells 'every type of crap you can imagine' and it was for her stiff neck.
And she meant it. I don't know how they managed to keep straight faces, but they found out later that she'd told her daughter the same thing, and even demonstrated how she used it. On her neck.

tygertygers · 23/08/2024 21:43

Twoshoesnewshoes · 23/08/2024 16:44

Argentina? Or a really really long worldwide cruise?
my male friend, when we were late teens, was having some me time, headphones on, in his bedroom at home.
when opened his eyes when all done, his mum had left him a cup of tea on the bedside table 😂😳

This is an urban legend!

www.snopes.com/fact-check/a-tea-bird-in-the-hand/

katseyes7 · 23/08/2024 21:38

*Alaskabound *
I think we might have been separated at birth. 😄

78Summer · 23/08/2024 21:31

She probably has one as well.

IttyBittyTittyCommittee · 23/08/2024 21:30

AmiablePedant · 23/08/2024 16:22

Please, mods, this has to go in Mumsnet Classics. And possibly win the prize for the most quickly nominated thread!

Edited

Oh hell YES!! ✔️

Combattingthemoaners · 23/08/2024 21:27

madmumofteens · 23/08/2024 21:14

My DD came into my room once I was having a bit of me time couldn't switch the damn thing off ffs she asked why the bed was vibrating had to pretend I was using my trusty slender tone belt 😂

You do know she will recall this memory as an adult who is no longer pacified by slender tone belts 😂

madmumofteens · 23/08/2024 21:14

My DD came into my room once I was having a bit of me time couldn't switch the damn thing off ffs she asked why the bed was vibrating had to pretend I was using my trusty slender tone belt 😂