Cleaner found my toy - need to emigrate

If your cleaners an actual grown up, and not a teenager, I’m sure she’ll get over it 😂 (you never know, she might have a rabbit of her own)

I was crying when I left the first comment. Now I'm hysterical.
For me, so far, the winner has to be @LemonMead
I'd just die.

Op, last month I got my boiler replaced. I didn’t realise it was going to be an 8 hour job not just limited to the kitchen.
Within the first half hour he’d gone up to my bathroom to turn the taps, issue being I had a dildo and a vibrator either side of the taps drying.
I was horrified and had to spend a further 8 hours in the house with him.
Shall we holiday together? How far away do you think we can get?

Oh God stop 😂 😆 😂 😆

Spend a few days in Prague till things blow over.

You can visit the sex toy museum. I've been there; very exciting - the whole place was buzzing.

I agree with you and think she did the right thing to move it.

Hahaha hilarious, sounds like you went all out with the rabbit thruster 😂

On a serious note the fact she put it away shows she is professional so just forget about it and move on or if you're comfortable just say sorry I forgot I put it away, thanks for putting it away or something.

I'm sure as a cleaner she has seen all sorts of stuff.

Please, mods, this has to go in Mumsnet Classics. And possibly win the prize for the most quickly nominated thread!

This is competent outing but I used to have a port raccoon. He was a devilish little shit and used to destroy remote controls to eat the buttons and the twiddly rubber bits in game controllers. But I loved him to bits and he had free rein of the house when we were home. We had to move house and we had the entire family and loads of friends round helping us. My sisters and their partners, my parents, 4 friends and their partners. Anyway, my DH had very carefully packed and transported the tons of sex toys in a cardboard box, and for safe keeping he put it in the airing cupboard. We were all down stairs eating a take away , kids were upstairs and the raccoon was noticeably absent which was really unusual when food was about. All of a sudden my teenage daughter SCREAMS from upstairs that she's totally disgusted and with every forgive us and down shoots the raccoon with a neon pink sparkly dildo in his mouth and dragging along a tangled strap on and a set of silicon anal beads. Everybody was just 😯😯😯 and the little bastard managed to steal a chop suey roll as he was legging past with his stolen silicone haul.

I once cleaned my large collection of toys and left them on the side of the bath to dry - like a happy little silicone parade. Only I use that bathroom, so not a problem - I thought.

Got home later that day to find the childminder sitting on the sofa with my freshly bathed daughter on her lap. They'd got muddy at the park, apparently.

She did not look at me. I did not look at her. We did not speak of it - ever 😂

OMFG! 😱You have made my day OP, so sad you will be facing the choice of emigrating to North Korea or murdering your cleaner and burying her under the patio!

I was on a riverside walk with a very prudish relative sister, brother-in-law and two kids age 8 & 9. Place mobbed with bathers as weather fabulous. Labrador came crashing out of the water sporting a gigantic clear jelly dildo in his jaws. One of the bouncy ones. Cue scrap between me, sis and BIL about who was going to catch dog and wrestle it off him. (agreement was hand would be in a poo bag to avoid direct contact..)
Meanwhile everyone in hysterics, kids demanding to be allowed to throw it for the dog, relative had face like a cat’s bum.

Hysterical 😂
When my son was about six we were round a school mums house getting ready to go trick or treating.. He came downstairs with her rabbit up his sleeve, buzzing away.. Look at this Halloween claw hand that I've found. Still cracks me up 15 years later!

😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂 what on earth did you reply?

@olderbutwiser

yeah, NO.

the poor cleaner has been helpful this time, putting it somewhere different each eek on purpose wouldn't be nice.

😂🤮🤮

My (clean & disinfected) butt plug was air drying on the windowsill.

My dad came round once & as he usually does, went straight to the bathroom to use the loo before he'd even said hello (prostate problems) &, most importantly, before I'd had a chance to move the butt plug.

He's a perfect gent & didn't say a word.

@Simonjt

come on mate, that's half the story!!

what did you say to her?

@Alaskabound I think she did the right thing too, but given she 'put it away' instead of acting like a muppet, I think you're fine. Obviously she gets work from the school gates, so she'd be mad to be indiscreet about it!!

it's fine.

but I understand s remote part of Alaska appeals about now!!

However, don't your kids sleep??

why haven't you sorted yourself out in eeeks because it's the holidays? That's mad !!

😂😂😂😂😂😂

Crying here 😂.
My mum found mine!! We were emptying the drawers under my bed to move it so a guy could sand the floorboards. (He was waiting on the landing)
She accidentally switched it on! It was vibrating and thrusting in her hand and she couldn’t turn it off!! 😂😂
She hastily wrapped it in a t shirt ran past him and threw it into the bathroom!

Ah could be worse, ours recently asked where we bought our squirter pump for cleaning in awkward places and flushig out the overflow on the sink. It’s a douche, shes been cleaning our bathroom with something that goes up my actual arse.

Brazen it out - ask the cleaner whether she used anything on it when she was cleaning, as you've noticed a pleasing difference in the tingle since last time.

Or put it somewhere different for her to find every time she comes. By the bath, behind the sofa cushions, next to your computer keyboard etc.

Perhaps she had a go with it 🤣

Cleaner here... I turned up at my very regular slot - man in ldr - to find a line of lubes on the bedside table.. Dusted and put them all in the wardrobe where I had previously seen they lived. Customer never mentioned it. Neither did I