Cleaner found my toy - need to emigrate

Spend a few days in Prague till things blow over.

You can visit the sex toy museum. I've been there; very exciting - the whole place was buzzing.

The fact she moved it shows she has no class. The correct response is to leave well alone and not clean the bedside table.

This is competent outing but I used to have a port raccoon. He was a devilish little shit and used to destroy remote controls to eat the buttons and the twiddly rubber bits in game controllers. But I loved him to bits and he had free rein of the house when we were home. We had to move house and we had the entire family and loads of friends round helping us. My sisters and their partners, my parents, 4 friends and their partners. Anyway, my DH had very carefully packed and transported the tons of sex toys in a cardboard box, and for safe keeping he put it in the airing cupboard. We were all down stairs eating a take away , kids were upstairs and the raccoon was noticeably absent which was really unusual when food was about. All of a sudden my teenage daughter SCREAMS from upstairs that she's totally disgusted and with every forgive us and down shoots the raccoon with a neon pink sparkly dildo in his mouth and dragging along a tangled strap on and a set of silicon anal beads. Everybody was just 😯😯😯 and the little bastard managed to steal a chop suey roll as he was legging past with his stolen silicone haul.

Please don't mock the OP. Some people get off on publishing such stories on forums. I spoke to an interesting psychologist at a party (she was researching people who make "poo posts" on forums and in letters to neighbours - yes, really!) and they have deep-seated issues.

My mother once found a collection of my toys, and actually put them into a DESK TIDY - remember the ones with several round compartments of differing heights? I don’t know why she did it. We’ve never spoken of it.

OMFG! 😱You have made my day OP, so sad you will be facing the choice of emigrating to North Korea or murdering your cleaner and burying her under the patio!

I was on a riverside walk with a very prudish relative sister, brother-in-law and two kids age 8 & 9. Place mobbed with bathers as weather fabulous. Labrador came crashing out of the water sporting a gigantic clear jelly dildo in his jaws. One of the bouncy ones. Cue scrap between me, sis and BIL about who was going to catch dog and wrestle it off him. (agreement was hand would be in a poo bag to avoid direct contact..)
Meanwhile everyone in hysterics, kids demanding to be allowed to throw it for the dog, relative had face like a cat’s bum.

One of my clients leaves her toy drawer open and doesn't seem bothered. Just act like nothing happened

Could be worse.

When I went into premature labor due to my waters breaking I was rushed off to hospital and MIL decided to help by cleaning up the house so it would be ready for our return.

Upon return we found she hadn't just cleaned the puddle on the floor but she had gone through every bedside draw and carefully organized and arranged all our adult toys, condoms, lubricants etc...

Shes a very passive aggressive person, so I'm sure she was sending a judgemental message.

Way funnier than the OP! 😂

In a similar low point, one of my labs likes to bring people “gifts”- that’s his party trick. Normally dog toys, the occasional cushion or shoe. He just presents you with it and then sits there wagging.

Had the plumber round, and suddenly heard a voice from the kitchen “er, sorry, but your dog keeps bringing me things”.

Walked in to see plumber staring resolutely at the boiler, two used sanitary towels from the bathroom bin deposited at his feet and a very, very proud Labrador sat there. 🥴🤦‍♀️

My friend has the best awkward vibrator story.

When she was a student, she arrived home to find her house had been burgled. She immediately called the police. A few officers turned up, one of whom interviewed her while the others started looking for evidence. When the interview was finished, she walked into her bedroom... to find a young, male officer dusting her vibrator for fingerprints.

I cry with laughter every time I think about this story.

Disagree, the fact that she moved it shows she has a wicked sense of humour, one of the guys at work walked in on his 18yr old son with his gamers VR headset on, while obviously enjoying something that was def not gaming, he he took opportunity to tidy his room and open his curtains...

May I suggest you emigrate to Dildo in Newfoundland and Labrador, (it only has a population of about 200 so very unlikely you will ever bump into anyone you know.)

Am I being unreasonable to go to Alaska, or would even further be more appropriate? Would have to be English speaking, but i would be sending for the DCs when the dust settles so i can’t afford Australia. Unless they go overland… Hmm.

DCs at a sleepover last night. A night alone meant the first time I could have some me time in six loooooong weeks of summer holiday. So obviously I used my rabbit thruster three times in 10 hours discerningly checked to see if my discreet adult toy was still working in case it were ever to be called upon. Unfortunately I left it on the bedside table because I was getting the last one in casually strolling out to pick the DCs up. The cleaner has been, and has placed it in a drawer. The cleaner who I know from the school playground and to whom I have never said a word other than to discuss cleaning and make small talk.

So the question is, is there an Air Alaska or should I go via American / United and change at their hubs? I will check for responses whilst packing. Thanks.