People are talking about my 10 year old DD

Of course 10 is too young for an actual relationship, but I disagree very strongly with the idea of just saying ‘you don’t have crushes and that’s that’, which could do a lot more harm than good in my opinion. This is an opportunity to discuss, in an age-appropriate way, how to deal with certain feelings and situations which she and her friends will all come across as they turn into teenagers, and to explain what’s appropriate, what’s not, and why. At the root of it are some really important ideas, e.g. nobody belongs to anyone else, nobody is entitled to anyone’s attention, and nobody needs someone else to fancy them to validate their existence.

10 is certainly too young for talk about boyfriends and girlfriends etc, but I would say that kids having crushes at primary school is entirely normal. They don't mean much but they are real enough to the child.

OP, as others have said, I would just have a chat and say that it's perfectly normal to "like" people but best to keep these things private so that you don't embarrass or offend anyone. I would also have a chat with the class teacher to ensure that you have the full picture of whatever has been going on. They may be able to help reinforce messages with your dc and/or with the class as a whole that they are too young to be talking about boyfriends and girlfriends at this age, they are all just friends.

I think at this age girls often like boys as more than a friend. Hormones start to kick in. Boys aren’t to concerned about having a girlfriend. Maybe it’s that the boys are finding it a bit much. A chat about difference in friendship/relationships might be worthwhile. I bet she isn’t the only girl who likes boys though! Also at this age girls start to fall out with friends and change friendships. I don’t think she has done anything wrong. She is just being 10.

What on earth? Are you suggesting that the young girl in question is unattractive? How is that relevant anyway? Where have you got this from?

I would check your DD’s internet history and see if she’s copying what she’s watching. For example a lot of Disney channel sort of content watched by her age group but with actors who are older than her have storylines about crushes.

I would tell your dd that she can tell you who her crushes her but not to discuss it at school as it embarrasses the boy when his friends tease him about it.

Did any boys come to her party ? Maybe make future ones girl only to discourage her thinking or talking about boys.

She may well have crushes at 10, it’s pretty normal and not sexual at that age. But it is not abnormal to start to have romantic feelings around the start of puberty.

What? Where did the OP say anything about her DD’s looks? And why would her looks be a “problem”?
If she’s being bullied, why would going to secondary school sort it out? Bullying is often worse in secondary than primary.

I’d tell her that age 10 is too young for any boyfriend and girlfriend nonsense and to stop it. Sexualising and romanticising childhood isn’t “innocent”. She doesn’t have crushes. So stop allowing her to even think and say that any more than you’d let her say she had a driving test. It’s not true and you are making her seem like a dramatic little girl who no one wants to play with as she will fancy them.

If you flip this the other way and you had a DS who was telling a girl or a series of girls in the class that he loved her and she was his girlfriend, etc, when the girl didn't like it, even at 9 or 10 the school (and Mumsnet!) would be talking very seriously about consent, boundaries, respect, and probably sexual harassment and safeguarding.

Fully prepared to accept your DD is very innocent of all of this, but if you think of it in those terms, you can see why it may be upsetting to the boys involved, and also embarrassing if kids are teasing each other about being the one your DD "loves".

I agree with PP - you need to talk to a class teacher her and some parents you trust, and ask them to be wholly honest with you. Do not bite their heads off or get defensive, just listen. And then talk to your DD, not in vague terms as you have tried, but clearly, about consent and reciprocity and not forcing her feelings onto other people.

Tell her to keep it to herself if she has a crush, because it can cause a lot of embarrassment to the child she has a crush on.

I’ve got sons so not experienced with daughters, but I’d say that one of the boys’ mums has said he’s a bit embarrassed because someone has said you fancy him. It might be better not to tell anyone at school if you like someone - you can tell me though. Is there someone you like?

Would that work?

My two are pretty straightforward lads so I’d be more direct with mine - have you been embarrassing Caitlin? If so, back off as she’s upset.

Something similar happened in my son's year, it may or may not be this but posting in case it's helpful.

Basically one of the girls would announce that she had a crush on one of the boys and would then follow them around at break and lunch and talk about being 'boyfriend/girlfriends'. After a week or so she would get bored, announce a different crush and then follow them around with all the girlfriend / boyfriend talk. The 'jilted' boyfriend of the previous week would be upset and fall out with the girl and the new boyfriend. It got to the point when most of the boys had a falling out and now weren't friends. And the other girls in the class were trying the same thing - this was year 5 or 6 at school.
In the end the school had to get involved and talk to the children about what was going on and it calmed down.

It sounds silly but they were all taking their relationships and the 'betrayal' very seriously.

I’d maybe have a chat about boundaries, what things we share with people and what things we keep to ourselves/family/close friends. Most girls will have a little crush at some point, it’s normal, but telling everyone isn’t, so maybe just have a chat about what is appropriate to share and what isn’t

At 10 the problem might be more that your dd isn’t conventionally pretty than anything else. I’d be shocked if she wasn’t also being bullied or left out in other ways too but doesn’t realise it. Tell her to keep the crushes to herself. When she starts secondary all this will sort itself out.

I think this may well be the case. I’d have a word with your DD - it’s not a good idea if she’s doing this. She might well deny it so you’re going to have to tread carefully, but you do need to raise it. Hopefully even if she denies it to you, she will understand that she needs to stop.

Does she watch Married At First Sight type stuff with you? Could she be imitating the dramatics? I wonder if she thinks it’s a way to be “mature” and cool and is getting it wrong, poor thing.

Does your dd have a phone?

Yes, you need more clarity. IMO school parents never say anything remotely critical about another patent’s child direct to their face unless it’s a real issue. Years ago a 10yo friend of my daughter had a real fixation about one particular boy and became almost stalkerish to the point the boy hid from her in the playground and park. Her mum had to speak to her about boundaries.

It sounds like your DD's crushes are embarrassing the boys involved and it's become the source of entertainment in the class. I would suggest to her that she keeps the crushes to herself.

100% there’s more to this than what you’ve been told so far

I'd just ignore it.