People are talking about my 10 year old DD

Agree.

And "mooning about" is a great phrase to describe what's going on here.

Redirection is in order here.

It takes a lot for someone to say something to another parent.

I don’t necessarily agree tbh. It varies and some parents get fixated on their own kids.

That may well be the case @Nadeed and it could indeed be that this is the actual situation. I certainly would agree that regardless, it is advisable to support the child with learning social skills.

I would just advocate a little caution and finding out more about what is really going on (best done through the school) before reaching any conclusions. The parents are basing their views on what their DC are telling them, which may or may not be true/exaggerated.

I remember a situation when I was a child around the same age and being bullied (though a very different context). The classmates told their parents & their teacher a pack of lies about what I had supposedly done because they claimed they were oh so concerned about me - v convincing they were. My DPs believed them over me, I have never quite got over that.

It takes a lot for someone to say something to another parent.

It sounds like your DD is making people feel uncomfortable. It's not her fault or yours, but it's far better to deal with it than just assume the school is packed with mean people and bullies, which is very unlikely. Another child constantly declared a crush on my child for years and it was really uncomfortable. The parents laughed and thought it was cute. I eventually went to the school about it and asked for them to be sitting far apart, for the school to reinforce a no touching rule (hugs were an issue) and to speak kindly to the kids about boundaries. It still didn't work and eventually my child snapped and told this child quite bluntly that they didn't like them and to back off, which of course led to tears.

Talk to your kid about boundaries and keeping your feelings private. It's not kind to let her go on like this.

I have to agree with this.

You should have tackled her statements wrt marrying her brother and living next door as soon as you noticed this sort of thing was persisting.

You need to take a deep breath, and sit your DD down. Maybe take her to a park, sit on a bench together, eat a packed picnic lunch. You need to tell her that she is too young to be considering herself anyone's girlfriend and that the boys she has been bothering are not her boyfriend. You need to tell her the talk of marrying her brother has to stop too. This must be very weird and unpleasant for her brother. It's not cute or sweet. You need to point out that her behaviour has an effect on others.

Explain that she can have friends who are boys, and she can love her brother, but that expressing love in terms of marrying is inappropriate, and not what love of her brother or friendship with schoolmates means.

You need to stop any exposure to media featuring this kind of material. No TV shows, no films (including Disney princess type with a handsome prince or characters ending up married/ kissing), no pop music or music videos. If her father is in the habit of calling her "Daddy's little princess" or similar terms, maybe examine the impact this may have. (Ignore if not applicable).

If she hasn't already been told the facts of life, I recommend The Care and Keeping of You, published by American Girl Publishing. There are several books as part of this series, dealing with puberty, friendship, growing older and hopefully wiser and kinder. She needs to understand what lies ahead, physically, emotionally, and socially.

Ask her teacher to keep a close eye, and to report to you if this behaviour continues.

I'd be very inclined to do whatever it takes to get her into sports or some other demanding extra curricular activity so that she will start to value relationships that are not based on romantic affection, and value people for traits not linked to romance.

100% this. What can also happen is the boys will start being mean to the girls because they literally don’t know how to handle the situation. I nearly went into school a couple of times after my son told us the boys were punished for saying things to the girls when actually the girls were starting it but never ever punished.

My Y6/Y7 boy is still running round the garden with his brother, obsessed with football and gaming and has conversations with his friends on WhatsApp limited to one word answers; in comparison a lot of the girls in his year are the same height as me, more developed than I’ve ever been physically, and emulate young women to a high degree. The difference between the genders at this age is astronomical!

@BettyBardMacDonald it is normal. It is when puberty starts and all those hormones are released.

Maybe it doesn't seem 'harmless' to the boys concerned though?

Maybe it's me but she seems oddly obsessed with romantic relationships/coupling up for her age. I would be concerned. Kids her age should be developing autonomy and curiosity about the world and getting to know their own strengths, not mooning about over marrying, boyfriends, crushes, etc.

The girls in my DS's class started chatting about crushes when they were around this age, and some of the boys got really really embarrassed as they just weren't interested. I had to talk to the teacher when one of them cornered my ds and the others were all yelling 'kiss kiss'. He was very upset by the whole situation and didn't want to go to school for a few days afterwards. He just thought of the girls as friends and all the talk of crushes and boyfriends / girlfriends came way too early for him (and some of his friends).

So maybe it's just that? Maybe your dd and some of her friends are talking about boys in their class in a particular way that makes the boys uncomfortable.

@Livingtothefull the parents are trying to help the DD. I have seen these kind of situations before where a child slowly ostracises themselves from their peers because their social skills are poor and their parent either does not recognise this, or fails to tackle it.
When you are very young you can get away with poorer social skills than your peers. But there comes a point where you cant.

You need to get the teachers perspective on the story.

I have teen boys and I remember this sort of thing when they were in year 5/6. The girls matured sooner and started to talk about boyfriends and dating and crushes and so on, while the boys still wanted to play football and Lego. Rather than being flattered, the boys found it painfully embarrassing, especially when the girls were very vocal, claiming they loved the boys and they were going to marry them. The boys affected would then be teased by the other boys.

The girls didn’t mean any harm, they were just growing up, and learning about life and relationships. But the boys weren’t ready for that.

OP I would try and tell your DD that she needs to keep quiet about her crushes. I can’t think of anything else you can do.

I agree with this.
Sometimes children who are not so socially skilled at this age can enjoy attention from classmates when really the classmates are using the child for their own entertainment.
Some children may be encouraging your DD to talk about who is her latest crush, laughing at who she says, and then saying loudly to the boy in question DD fancies you. Will you be her boyfriend? etc.
This kind of situation is not that unusual.
I would use social stories to talk to your DD about good and bad attention from classmates and how playing up to that is not helpful.
You can't sort this kind of think through coming down on kids involved. Because the meanness is often subtlish and your DD probably does not realise the kids are being mean to her. The best way is developing your DDs social understanding and social skills.

Kids do things like this all the time. I think you should say, when you have a crush on someone, that is a secret you only tell mummy / granny etc. It's a good thing to learn we all have crushes on people and we do not to tell anyone apart from a special confidante to avoid embarrassment and awkwardness all round. It is very uncomfortable to be on the receiving end of an unwanted crush. You can help her to socialise by teaching these boundaries so she's accepted better by her peers. Bring up the conversation by asking what did this person say, what did that person say, then analyse it and discuss how this was a stupid or clever thing to say. Help your child get a bit smarter with what to say and not say. Just like you don't say someone is fat etc. Sometimes kids like saying things to get a laugh or create a bit of drama, they enjoy the immediate attention they get but they don't like the long term effect of being ostracised from the group by committing a social faux pas or by being annoying. Boys do this all the time in different ways. Maybe she should be in a drama group where she can do some performing and get an outlet for entertaining people in a constructive way. .

It's this. The boys don't like her like this, and they're embarrassed. They're talking about her and possibly laughing at her. I'd have a word with your daughter and explain what's happening. Hopefully she'll leave the boys alone for a bit.

I think I'd have a chat with DD then buy her a notebook where she can write her crushes in ect (my DD is also 10) last year was he'll in Yr 5 for this some of the things I found on DDs xbox was of adult nature from other children!

Tbh if is she announcing it to the class/boy(s) in question I think you should have tried to stop this about a year ago!

Some things you have to keep to yourself-for your own sake as well as others!

Hmm I am not sure whether you should be as unquestioningly trusting of this mum and her motives. Even presuming that what she has told you is well-intentioned and she is as lovely as you say, are you sure that her take on this situation is an accurate one ie that your DD is the 'problem' in this situation?

There is something really off about all these parents complaining to the OP about behaviour which seems on the face of it, harmless. There might well be a bullying campaign against her, and some children can be very devious; eg what if they are acting in league in complaining about her to their parents?

I really would recommend having a discreet conversation with your DD's class teacher to get to the bottom of this.

There was a 9 yo who was like this she’d bring sweets and give them to her boyfriend. It was all very dramatic and boyfriend would change sometimes more than once a day. It was attention seeking I guess but it was not popular with the rest of the class as quickly got very tedious.

Maybe a chat about positive and negative attention, also does she have a lot going on outside of school? I’d be encouraging her to focus on a hobby or musical interest so she’s got something to talk about when she’s looking for interaction.

That's what alcohol is for.

If she's 10, assume she's going into Y6. I think that's when some of them do start getting in to boys etc. I disagree with @fourelementary saying it's too young, plenty of girls will be starting puberty, getting periods etc. in this year.

I noticed in both my daughters' last year at primary there was a real gap between those who were starting to think about boys and have crushes and those who weren't, I think it's perfectly normal. I had one daughter on each side!
But @hi2416 maybe your daughter does need to keep it to herself or among her close friends rather than declaring her crushes to all around her? That's probably what's making things awkward. I also think they all love a bit of drama in Y6 & Y7, so any potential thing gets blown out of proportion.

I’m a boy mum so have little experience of girls, but from our experience, talk of ‘crushes’ etc is very much started by the girls (my elder boy just finished Year 6). We had some terrible problems with girls messaging my son (we check his phone & he has restrictions etc) to the point of him being hounded by a few of them. From speaking to other boy mums, this sort of behaviour isn’t isolated. I think girls mature more quickly so tend to develop crushes etc before the boys. I didn’t speak to school etc as we dealt with it at home, but if I were to speak to the girl mums, this is what I’d say:

Restrict social media (including WhatsApp) access; have games consoles (where they speak to friends) in family areas so you can keep tabs; watch carefully their YouTube content consumption, and discuss all these things with them. I honestly think open dialogue about these feelings solves a lot of problems. In the same way it is my job to teach my sons about consent, girl mums must teach that consent also includes not participating in harassment: you might like someone, but they have the right to live their life without constant unwanted attention.

If there is any inkling it is driven by bullying speak to the teacher stressing the need for sensitivity.

Talk to the school when back and see what their take is - could be this other mother is a dram lama or this is a rumour mill to justify excluding your child ie bullying or your child's social skills are lacking and she needs some help and guidance.

I wouldn't go on what this other mother is saying - or any of the school gossip - but talk to her teacher and ask if they have any idea - can they keep an eye on your DD to see what is actually going on.

In meantime I assume you are monitoring phone and any social media and other say be more aware of any media she consumes.