To force my kids to do extracurricular activities?

So if your older child carries the weight of the world on his shoulders why not look into quieter more contemplative activities, clubs at the library like Lego club or art classes, nature groups at the local wildlife trust

Your younger one, enrol into multi sport group holiday type clubs so he can give different things a try.

My 8yo refused several extra curricular activities and classes but then he had a taster session at school for different sports during lunch time and requested rugby🏉 training - he said he really enjoyed the sport he learned about at school. Now he has joined a club and there's no stopping him. He loves swimming too. Wasn't sure to begin with but loves that too.

Mine weren't interested aged 5/6 in anything. It wasn't until they made an informed choice that it really was worth it. They have to be enthusiastic themselves or it won't work.

The youngest in the family is on a waiting list for swimming lessons. And music lessons with the instrument of his choice. He has to wait until next year for that. 7yo.

Id let your older DS continue with football and not make him do anything else unless he wants to. For your younger son, I would offer him some choice of what he could do but that he has to do at 1 club - not optional.

I think its important that children, especially boys, do an extra curricular activity and they generally really love it when they find the one that suits them the most (but it may take a few goes to get there).

Let them try scouts and Cubs see if you can find a group that is quite active. Honestly it is the only thing DS (13) doesn't complain about doing and the only thing that gets him off his games. He spent a week on camp this summer with scouts and had a blast, will happily go on any camping trip and actually wants to do young leaders.

But then his sister has done scouts to, is a young leader and is doing her DofE gold and I find it hard to stop her doing to much. I think I encouraged her to much, but girls seem to be easier to get into stuff then boys.

Also he's seen me volunteering as leader to so that helps. He sees the value and fun in taking part and helping out.

I think extra curricular activities are important and always encouraged them in my dc but as an adult one of them has told me I was wrong to make him stick at an activity he chose for another two terms after he’d said he no longer wanted to go. But no doubt I’d also have been wrong if I’d let him drop it at the first sign of difficulty and hadn’t encouraged him to do his best. There is no perfect answer.

You can’t force them to do something if they won’t enjoy it/ it’ll be endless arguments. You can take away their devices and be firm on it, maybe boredom will motivate them to take something up and then they might be more likely to stick to it as they’ve chosen it.

Just don’t make Scouting the only option…my group has a two plus yesr waiting list if you join the waiting list older than about 5 and I know all the other local groups are similar.

I don't see any benefits in forcing other than parents ticking a box on what they think their children should do, they are humans not robots

If your older child is fine with the football, he should continue with it without the need for any other activity. The younger child seems to be held back by anxiety - a big thing with my ADHD DD. I'd present him with a range of activities to try and ask him to pick one instead of the swimming, which I assume he can now do reasonably competently. Look at the scout troups near you as they can vary wildly and pick the one that does the interesting camps/trips.

It's the 'forced' bit I disagree with, I wouldn't have thanked my mum and it would have caused all sorts of problems and resentment. I chose what I wanted to do and because I enjoyed it I stayed with it for several years.

Lead by example and find a family event, Family climbing, Couch 2 5k and park runs as a family leading to bubble runs etc in the summer, family self defence, get involved with Cubs as an adult helper. Canoe/kayaking at a watersport centre, family ski/snowboard taster course at a dry ski slope.

If they continue into the teen years are you prepared to cart them around the county for matches and competitions?

I think forcing a child to do an activity at any age is counter productive!and a waste of money
Swimming was the only activity mine had to do.
Two out of my three enjoyed certain sports..enjoy being the priority.

Kids need to be moving, socialising and learning.
Anything you can do now is an investment into their future wellbeing. It's so much harder once kids become teens. They really need to be active then to manage all their hormones and emotions but often won't if it's not already part of their lifestyle.
I say stick with it.

I wasn't sporty but now wish I had been. I was an air cadet tried to get into the RAF as an officer but didn't pass - ended up in the army and then law enforcement.
Cadet forces are good but only if the kids are motivated to join and stay. If they are feeling pressured they're less likely to keep the activity up.

Also gymnastics builds up the skills required for rock climbing. It’s one of the reasons why boys do it.

Where I am. The oldest teens who stay in Scouts are seen as cool as they usually have a military career in mind

I know it’s difficult if they are already used to lots of screen time and/or gaming, but maybe the answer is to limit that and then allow them to choose what they want to fill the additional time with? They may choose scouts or gymnastics or martial arts etc when they don’t have screen time/gaming as an alternative. Or they might decide they want to stay in and do art or reading. I don’t think it matters much what they choose, but while the other choice is screen time which is easier and can fill all their time, they are not going to develop other interests.

That wouldn’t work with other DC though. Mine would have gamed all week long if I let them.

I didn’t really force mine - I encouraged and they gave it a try and kept going. DS1 had a wobble with the martial art at about 14 when his mate stopped going, but I persuaded him to stick at it and he’s glad he did.

Hopefully limiting screens and suggesting options to do instead will work for OP!

My DS has ADHD and there is no way I could have forced him to do any classes. Left to his own devices, he eventually chose some (drama/guitar) but I suspect the more you push it, the harder he will refuse.

I know it’s difficult, but try leaning back and acting like it’s nbd, and you know he will let you know if and when there’s something he wants to do.

In my experience that will yield better results.

Oh yes - I should have included that in my post.

OP, make it a choice of club/hobby/chores. Hopefully they’ll opt for the club.

It’s early to be thinking about but if they apply for uni they’ll need something on the UCAS form other than gaming! If it’s an expensive/paid up front hobby, I would probably insist on doing it for at least a school term and then maybe ask for a contribution to other activities going forward - doesn’t need to be money, but it could be doing chores to “earn” a contribution, just so they know that they can’t pick up and drop stuff whenever they please because there’s effort and potentially financial contribution from you.

Unless you limit screen time, that is always going to win.
If screens are not an option then it becomes a real choice between doing homework, chores, staring at the wall or something else.
If, for example you have no screens on school nights, what are they going to do? Suddenly football might be a valid alternative to helping you wash laundry.