To force my kids to do extracurricular activities?

I wouldn't force them to do anything but it might be easier for them to do after school clubs if school offers anything? Mine learns a musical instrument once a week through school and also does swimming as it was non negotiable for me too.

Scouts is great but you may be a bit late as often you have to get them into beavers and then move on to cubs and scouts. Also they have to want to be there, by 9 the cubs are expected to take responsibility and join in, follow instructions and help the younger ones. By scouts it's even more, it's not just a youth club to muck about. To be fair gaming isn't a bad past time, it's fun and a way to socialise so I wouldn't force it, as kids become teenagers they outgrow most clubs. Some parents are really into clubs and scheduling free time but that's not always positive, just see what works for your kids

Ds has asd and adhd, although was diagnosed later.

When he was about 8yo he was very ill, and stopped doing all his activities, not that he did many.
When he was recovering he didn't want to do anything outside home. I persevered with cubs for a term, but he was really too tired to keep up with them, and had lost a lot of confidence.

So the following year, I gave him a list of about 20 different activities and said he had to choose one, and he could drop it after a term, but then would have to take something else up.
He had to do at least one activity.

He moaned.
He chose drama on the basis it was only an hour and close so he'd be out of the house for the minimum time.

He complained about it every week. At the end of term I asked if he wanted to swap and he said no because the others were worse.
Halfway through the second term, he came out and asked if he could do a second class. You could honestly have knocked me down with a feather.
The following year he wanted to take up another class. At one point he was doing 15 hours a week of different things with the same group.

We're now nearly 10 years down the line. He still does 4 hours a week. He's just been in to ask if drama starts next week and moaned because it doesn't. He sulks the week it finishes for the holidays.
I only wish he was as keen on school!

My son is 12 and has ADHD, so I know where you are coming from. He was so good at golf when he was younger, but he just wouldn’t show up. He’s not sporty, but this was something that helped with focus and attention and, he was really good. It became a real struggle, because he didn’t want to go.

we tried cricket, he was so laissez faire, he was late and made very little progress, if any.

we did swimming lessons and he was competent, but he made excuses every single week. It was always, ‘I feel sick, I have a fever…’

he is now doing weekly tennis and is due to give that up, too.

1. unless he wants to do something, there’s little point in pushing it. Not much good comes out of it. It’s just a lot of stress each week.

2. what I’ve said, is that he doesn’t have to be an Olympic level sports person - that’s not what this is about. If he wants to be a scientist, that’s great. It’s great to have a passion. We just want him to be a healthy scientist and so, he must look after his heart and health and therefore, he has to choose some sort of physical activity that he will turn up for, every week.

The trick is to start earlier.

Mine are younger. 5 & 8.

Elder does:
1 team sport (this i think won't last, as not that great at it and won't make teams etc)
1 other sport (this will, we do it as a family)
2 x musical instrument lessons
Swimming

Younger does:
Same other sport as above
1 x musical instrument
2 x dance classes
Swimming

If you start early enough by age 9 or 10 they acquire enough skill to be willing to stick at it

I love free play with the old fashioned way of allowing children to play outside climbing trees and spending time with friends.

I just watched a video a while ago about Play Club and encouraging schools to open an hour early so kids play in a safe environment. So simple but effective. It's a big hit in American schools. Hopefully we adopt it here.

The key is finding put what they enjoy. Can you put the youngest into a different trial class each week? So cubs, gymnastics, dance, etc... it gets him out doing something and just see which one he likes most. I would also let him flip activity each term after that.

I'm a Scout leader... boys who don't want to be there, but are forced by their parents can make it really difficult. (Messing around, not listening, disrupting evenings etc). But a lot of boys do enjoy it, especially the outdoor stuff. Then there are others who aren't outdoorsy, but their parents think its good for them... and they do gain confidence.

I made my kids (one ND) do a musical instrument and a sport each. I said I didn’t care what they chose but once they signed up they were in it for the term. The actual activity didn’t matter but doing it was non negotiable. We are NOT a sporty family but I was a fat unhealthy child and I didn’t want that for them. They are teenagers now and still in their sport and playing their instruments quite happily.

They have a same screen addiction as many teens but at least they have other interests and they are fit and healthy.

I don't regret many things from the early days of my parenting but one thing I do regret is forcing my children to do things they did not want to do.

I have a super sporty football player age 10 that commits to around 4 hours of football a week and a slightly older one who is the polar opposite.
He’s tried football, martial arts, youth clubs etc but doesn’t like to stick at any of them. He is into gaming massively and not much else.
Like you swimming was non negotiable but it was a battle every week to get the older one there. In the end we negotiated that he had to reach and certain level and then not go anymore.
Ive given up to some extent trying to get him to go to other things, he does have art/cookery interests which we try and send him to classes to and if he does show an interest in something we are always super enthusiastic and encouraging and look for extra things he can do it that area.
i remember as a kid being forced to do stuff and hated it so that may influence my parenting slightly

They may regret it now, but in the future, they will use what they have gained from these activities that you have put them into. My best years were when my mum was there for me in girl scouts.

Definitely try and find out what his interests and passions are. Give him lots of opportunities if at all possible. Maybe do some trial classes, a lot of places do that.
My DS now 18 and DD 16 (who has ADHD) were lucky as it was obvious what they were into early on. DS was always sport, rugby then football, and DD was total opposite, loved singing dancing acting. Loads of performing arts will do trial sessions and I'm sure sports clubs too. With ADHD your son will probably have things he's super focused on and a lot he has no interest in. Finding his super interests is key. Good luck 🤞🏼

I agree with this. I was forced to do all manner of clubs and extra activities and I never really enjoyed any of them. But then there wasn't the same issue of screen time as they was then.

At 9 and 11, what I preferred to do was be at my friends house, or have friends to mine or be playing outside. I have no idea of your circumstances but is there any opportunity for socialising that isn't in structured environments like clubs or school. I think the opportunity to socialise outwith these environments and in a free way is a critical part of development and seems a shame as a society we're moving away from this but I realise that it isn't a black and white issue.

School is so sedentary. I think parents don't realise how little play and movement there is during the day. All children but especially with adhd....need that time for hours of movement. It doesn't have to be organised clubs....but i know particularly in winter my very high energy son was miserable if he just went from school to screen

I think its a shame to see it as screen time or clubs. Do they have enough time for free play? Just spending hours after with friends and parks etc? It's thr thing so many modern kids don't seem to get

I think if they learn that there is much less screen time available ...and that either they entertain themselves or go to activities or see friends....then they may well choose activities

But sadly ...kids often know that they can just choose gaming on the sofa rather than the social effort of starting and sustaining new activities like scouts

Not all kids like competitive team games and I think forcing them to do an activity is never going to end well. There are lots of other options though, parkruns, martial arts, tennis, hiking, golf, cycling etc I would give gentle encouragement to try out new things and limit screen time. If you and DH model a healthy attitude to fitness and health that will rub off on them!

If your older boy is doing football three times a week and is happy with that then I’d leave it at that for him unless he is asking to do anything else that’s quite a lot and I’m a big believer in not over scheduling children.
It might be that classes just aren’t for your younger one. He may have a variety things he wants to try but just not want to go to a group activity. He could spend time doing the things he likes with you, his brother or a friend- shooting hoops, skate parks, ice skating, swimming, Lego, arts and crafts, visiting the library, playing tennis or badminton at the local sports centre, gym, board games etc. Having varied interests doesn’t have to equate to clubs if it’s not his thing.
As others have said, if you limit their screen time they are going to have to find something else to do. A little boredom is no bad things for children.

So they are doing well at school,are helpful at home,love to read ( which is a thing in itself) , enjoy family activities,your oldest does football 3 x a week and your youngest swims.
This doesn't sound to me like kids who spend all their time on screens?
Do they have friends - and as boys they may be relating to their friends via and in the games.Because if so while less screens might be a good idea they are managing to have a mix of activities and social interaction.
Also if your DS2 doesn't want to do football while he might like another sport he might also prefer a non sport based out of school activity,or a non team sport - cycling,archery,climbing...

This.

My DC has slowly dropped a few sports (used to do hockey, cricket, swimming and gymnastics) and now does just one. Has been trying to Negotiate away from country trials this summer. We have said sure, but you pick up another sport as you need one summer and one winter. It’s simply non negotiable in our house. Because we are totally united on this DC can see there is no leeway. Obesity is a disease and it’s not a path I want my DC struggling with (I struggle with my weight myself and my parents never pushed a sport at all).

also, get rid of the gaming. Just get rid of it. It will enrich your children’s lives to not have it. If you struggle with DC aged 9 only wanting to game, imagine a 15yr old. Do it now before it’s too late.

I’d put serious limits on screen time and tell them to pick one extracurricular activity each.

There's no benefit to forcing children to do activities they don't want to do, but if they are then spending all evening on screens that's terrible for them.

If you give them 30 minutes screen time and then they can choose what they want to do for the rest of the evening, they might find they get bored and want to do something.

Well, it depends how intelligent your children are and what their memory is like.
Force them into anything, they will remember. My experience from childhood only.

My mother made me take piano lessons for twelve years because “there are so many adults who say they wish their parents hadn’t let them quit piano.” I never play it now, except the melody lines for a few Christmas carols if we’re at a Christmas party and they’ve got a piano.

My mother also made me take ballet for two years, which I resented every minute of. I realized after the first couple classes that I wasn’t really interested.