To force my kids to do extracurricular activities?

They need to be absolutely clear that coming straight home and onto screens isn't an option

If it's an option then obviously many kids will just come home and slump into gaming

Tell them they can only game in days they have done something else or after 6pm or whatever so they do other stuff

Children need to run about and be social and playful after school...either in the park or at friends or at clubs.

Wr are letting this generation just get addicted to gaming and it's actually unfair on them

I want to know how you got yourself banned now!

You can't force them but you can bore them into variety by being a lot stricter about screens.

Screens are only after some form of exercise, for example. Put your own phone away around them not to normalise it. Lead by example, do things with them like booking a tennis court. Praise them when they show a tiny bit of talent and run with it. Be creative, they'll feel nervous about common sports some kids are already great at, consider Judo, rock climbing, paddle boarding etc. do these things at weekends with them.

OP, the practicalities of "forcing" your DC to go to clubs would be a nightmare.

IMO, just restrict screen time and have stuff to do on hand. After a month or two, ask if theres any clubs they fancy for next term.

My eldest loves clubs and would do something every day if we let her. My 7 year old is not so interested. He'll join in one martial arts class a week but that's it. He does love activity though- he just wants to do it with one of us. He loves crazy golf (we're going to start pitch and put next year), he plays tennis with us and we spend hours playing football at the park. He knows he can join any clubs he wishes but I'm not going to force him.

Do they actually enjoy the activities when they are there? My kids choose the activities they want to go to themselves, except swimming which they have to do. I judge my kids enjoyment of their chosen activities by how they are when I pick them up, if they seem happy and have a lot of good things to say about the class then I know they have enjoyed it. If they tell me they don’t want to go the next time then I will remind them that they have made a commitment to go to the activity this term and that they enjoy when they are there and make them go. If they seemed unhappy after classes and were negative about their experience there it then I would let them change to something else and they can try new activities every term if they want.

I also don’t generally allow screen time after school as I know this would affect their motivation to go out and do anything else, but they only do a couple of activities a week so they still have evenings where they can chill out at home after school which I think is important too!

I have some sports/hobbies of my own and I know that I don’t always feel like going after work or early mornings but I make myself do it anyway and I’m always glad I did, like OP when I was a child I never stuck at anything and I think I missed out because of that, I never even learned to swim because I told my mum I didn’t want to when I was 7 and now I’m an adult that can barely swim which I why I don’t given my dc an option about swimming.

Someone will remember being forced to do stuff as an 8 year old however intelligent they are.

the next David Beckham" be missed by letting the activities go and the host said that if that child was going to be those things then they would WANT to do those things all by themselves. DB played football every minute he could, by choice, that's why he was a good footballer, not because his mum forced him to go once a week to Saturday training.

As someone with an insight to the world of professional football, this is absolutely not true. There are many pro’s who hate football. Don’t watch it. Are addicted to games consoles and have only made it pro because of their parents’ drive and support.

Don’t allow screen time or gaming during the time he would be attending activities. He might change his mind

Why do you do stuff like taking them for a swim for fun or to do mountain biking or something.you can do fun active things without it being structured.

But why can't you work out for yourself now what you enjoy? Why do you feel you could only have done this via your mum's input 20/30 years ago?

I used to do gymnastics, drama, trampolining as a child - I do not want to do any of those things as an adult!! What I did at 10 is irrelevant to my current interests

I don't agree with forcing kids to do clubs etc - I wouldn't want to be forced into doing things so why should they?

If they show an interest, I would absolutely facilitate them going (mine do dancing and football between them and we have done Cubs and now one does Brownies) - they enjoy what they do so they want to go. If they stop enjoying it, then why shouldn't they stop?

I heard a really good thing on a podcast where someone was worried they would let "the next Mozart or the next David Beckham" be missed by letting the activities go and the host said that if that child was going to be those things then they would WANT to do those things all by themselves. DB played football every minute he could, by choice, that's why he was a good footballer, not because his mum forced him to go once a week to Saturday training.

I also hate the idea that their interests reduce to screens and being online but they are also their own person and should be able to decide what they do and don't like doing.

Forcing them ? What ? Encourage yes. Any activity can be done and not , in their eyes , compromise their screen time.
Scouting is the most levelling activity and organisation there is and does not pick out anyone. If you have access to an active scout group why are they not there already, a huge missed opportunity.

This for me now as an adult! I have no hobbies and wish I had some interests as well as knew some friends outside of school. I think you do need to find something they enjoy though

If there's space in your local troop, join scouts. It's full of quirky kids and kids who just get on with it. My son didn't do Beavers or Cubs, just joined Scouts at 10.5. He loves it. He's done every parade, every camp, coast to coast walk and is just about to go kayaking for his leaders to be assessed as instructors. My son wouldn't it if it was seen as "uncool".

I wouldn't push them to do things they don't want to do. I also think at 9 and 11 you've left it a bit late to join cubs and scouts, especially the 11 year old.

They sound like lovely kids so just leave them be. You don't do any evening activities, so why should they? Lead by example if you want them to do something.

My DD is an introvert and loves nothing more than to be in her room crafting, drawing, reading and gaming. She's happy. I'd much rather have her happy doing her own thing for than being forced into clubs she has no interest in.

I hated being forced to play an instrument and do a sports club when I was a child. It would ruin my day as I would be worrying about it all day, my parents finally let me drop them and I have never done them since. I do wish they had let me try out a few more things though, I am an introvert and need downtime but think I would have loved something like dance or athletics where I wasn't so much part of a team.

I have let me children try lots of things and they now just do a couple each which they enjoy. They would happily drop everything as they are also homebodies like I was but I feel like they have chosen these ones. I am very anti screens to be honest so they are only in them a little at the weekend.

I would force him to give cubs or whatever a couple of months and then let him choose. Or maybe say you have to do one club but you can choose what it is.

DS1 (11) has ADHD and school (plus meds) exhausts him. After school is purely for downtime. He does a couple of music activities but nothing else. DS2 does a few things and could probably do more.

I was over scheduled as a child and I actively shun organised activities as an adult. I need a lot of downtime to recharge (busy job).

I had a conversation with another school mum at a children's party recently, a couple of us were talking about when the booking opens for some of the sports clubs run at school by a private provider. She said oh Timmy doesn't like to be out so I just let him play on his switch. He's five. DS doesn't game he's too young and he has done swimming lessons from 12 weeks. He had just started level 5 and his teacher has said he can start diving as soon as he's (age) six. He sees extra curricular as an ordinary part of life, he does a team sport, athletics, gymnastics and swimming, he's signed up for cooking club first term and lego 'engineers' second this year. When he's a bit older he will start an instrument. He also sees DH and I go to the gym and be involved in other hobbies and we're usually out and doing together as a family at weekends. Being someone active and engaged is modelled by parents from a young age. It's nonsense negotiable to me. He has a say in what he does but there isn't a choice to do nothing.

To be honest op, from this description, your kids sound fine. More than fine, in fact.

Doing well at school, helpful at home, readers (an amazing thing to have a love for) enjoying family time.

Not all kids need to be scheduled to the hilt with activities. Definitely encourage them, do as much as you can as a family to get things started if that would help, but I don't think you need to be "forcing" them to do things.

One of my hugest regrets in life is that because of money my elder two didn’t do extracurricular activities- I think we did a major disservice to them socially and in terms of exercise, fun etc. Although the people who don’t push kids to do extracurriculars etc might just have kids who aren’t like my kids are/ gravitating to screens, not sociable etc. I think the big thing is finding their thing as opposed to what people think their age should do (all of mine hated football by the age of 11, the pressure, the shouting etc, they just wanted a kick about).

When my DC we're young - I agreed to screens as long as they did extra curricular activities

It is not healthy for them to sit all day playing games or watching TV.

My two (11&13) are both ND to differing degrees.
I keep them busy with extra curriculars, but they do have a say in what they do, and I tend to sway towards activities that suit them anyway (non competitive, participation based)

DS1 is not sociable and would only have screen time, warhammer and lego out of school. He has zero interest in casual socialising and not met a friend outside school in 2 years. Putting up with some extra-curricular time each week is a price worth paying for me sweating the screen time less and to be fair, a lot of what he does is pretty intelligent content. He's too dyslexic to enjoy reading for pleasure.

DS2 is more sporty and keen, but his friends are out of catchment and not easy to meet with so a lack of casual socalising. Again too dyslexic to read for fun- it gives him migraines. He stopped playing in lockdown, broken by lack of social stimulation at age 7 and hasn't really played since.

I gained a huge amount out of extra curriculars as a teenager and they've fed into things I do as an adult and influenced the direction of my adult life.

I was forced do to Judo from 11-16. I hated it. My sister thrived, and went on to compete at a national level.
I spent most sessions hiding in the loo. I was berated by my parents for being shit at it.
I was a young teen, and had males older than me holding me down on the floor. That made me very uncomfortable, and I still feel sick now when I think about it. Some of the more twatty male teens used to pretend to hump me and make noises.

I don't think it's right to force children to do any extra curricular activities, sports, or hobbies if they don't want to. It will just make them hate whatever you're trying to make them do even more. I can always remember being forced to go to tennis weeks with intensive coaching during the summer and Easter holidays when I first started secondary school. I loathed them with a passion but my parents insisted I had to go. I finally managed to get myself banned but it took a lot of effort and left me with a lifelong hatred of tennis.