To not want a funeral?

I've made my wishes clear.

Only DH and DC to view body and only if they really want to, my preference is they don't as I would prefer they remember be alive.

I want a direct cremation and then a memorial sort of service which can then be held on a Saturday in our local function room. I would like to give people the chance to give eulogies if they wish or talk about me, be sad (I hope), together and remember me. Then just drink, eat and spend time together.

I'm not religious and I am not my body so a funeral, even a cremation doesn't appeal.

I would want them to keep my ashes and would like to have mine and DH's spread together.

Type event (pressed too soon) in a pub side room is still a memorial. I just would advise against not having anything

Just remember that funerals are for the living not the dead. A relaxed memorial type

I don't want an open funeral. I only want it for the people who actually loved me .A private funeral I suppose.
After that they can hold any event in they want .
I do feel I should have a say and my wishes respected. It's the last thing they'll do for me and I've asked.

@ThePrologue if you donate your body to medical science there is a legal obligation to give you a funeral at some point (2 years I think). It was a burial but obviously there are now options.
My trainee medic daughter asked me today if I was donating my brain. Hopefully it was a complement! 😄

I like this idea.

You could always contact one of those places where they study decomposition. The Human Tissue Authority has some good information on leaving your body to medical science
If I remenber correctly, they will pay for a cremation when you have taught the students all you can

😂

I've got some complex health issues that could see me off and I don't want a funeral, or anything else for that matter. To me, its a complete waste of time and money.

Send me up the crem, wallop me through the furnace and then do what you want with my ashes.

I don't agree with the "its up to the living if you have one, it's for them". It's my death, so respect my wishes, yours don't trump mine.

The same here,

I don’t care really. I find them all a bit unnecessary and performative. If people want one, because let’s face it, it’s not really the deceased’s funeral is it, then fine, but if it were up to me, I’d rather not. I’d quite like to be donated to science anyway, if they would have me. I suppose you might still be able to have a funeral or something with that but I haven’t checked.

I don't want a funeral. If family and friends insist, up to them, I won't be there. But my preference is for not having one.

Both my parents made it known, long before the time, that they did not want funerals, and honestly. that made things easier. It's not so much the ceremony itself that would have added to my grief; nor is it a reluctance to acknowledge death; it's the distress of have to grieve publicly and deal with other people's 'condolence rituals' and well-meant but often hurtful advice on how to grieve. A private family-only funeral might be different, but it's not always easy to keep it private.

I much prefer later memorial services, which are much more focussed just on remembering and acknowledging the person who died.

But everyone is different.

Don't tell people that you've died until you have been disposed of in accordance with your wishes
Rather like eloping, act first tell afterward

i don’t want one. My friend told me recently she’s been very clear to her husband she doesn’t want one and phoney people turning up.

I knew I didn’t want one at MILs. The lead up was extremely stressful because of BIL to start with and there was loads of drama. There were loads of people there but none of them cared about her. She was a difficult person. I’d say only DH and his cousin were bothered, and then a few hundred other people turned up because they felt they had to. People she hadn’t seen in decades came, but they wouldn’t see her when she was alive. I think it’s strange.

I would haunt my family if they didn't respect my wishes.
But I don't believe in ghosts, so will gnash my gums silently in my coffin/urn

Exactly. And funerals of dearly loved people increase my stress and grieving much more and make things even harder to deal with. I don't want to do that to those I leave behind.

My uncle had a direct cremation. My mum & dad sat in the crematorium garden when it was due to happen to be there with him.

I have a terminal illness. I'd actually taken out a funeral plan the year before my diagnosis.
Before that I had looked at Direct funerals, but realised my kids would want a funeral.
I lost my dad just after my diagnosis & when we were arranging his funeral I realised how important this ritual was to my family.
My funeral is planned, but with jobs given to family members. I've even printed photos for them to choose from to use at the wake. And I've written a rough eulogy, I hope to meet with the humanist myself closer to the time, but then when family meet with him afterwards they can add bits.
I have also suggested how to scatter with my ashes, with a big family day at my favourite beach & have put money aside for them to get ice creams from the shop we always went to.
I have been able to plan as I know I'm dying. And I like to be organised. I hope this is taking some of the burden off my family, while still leaving them some stuff to do.
I can understand people not wanting a funeral, but you're not there, it's for the people left behind, & often they need something.
If my family decided not to do anything in my plan I won't know & I won't care cos I'll be gone. But I think they will honour my wishes as that will be important to them.

People do this at funerals. Just turn up when they've had fuck-all to do with the person for YEARS.
I think that's a nice thing. People making an effort to travel for am event for someone they haven't seen in years.

I won't be leaving any instructions for my funeral. It's entirely up to others how they want to celebrate me or not.

I kind of feel similar to you @ObelixtheGaul but maybe for different reasons.

I've had close family die young and unexpectedly (so no funeral plan as such) and the cost of the funerals that needed paying upfront while waiting for the life insurance money (which can take a while) makes me think that if I was to die in the near future, I'd rather not have a funeral.

My mum has recently told me she doesn't want a funeral. I'm thankful, I don't think they help say goodbye, they've already gone and it would be so hard for me to hold it tighter and actually manage a conversation. The sight of the coffin usually starts me off and that's for relatives I'm not so close to.

I'd be glad if I never had to go to a funeral ever again. They are horrible.

I don't think I want one either. It costs a lot of money and is a total waste. My mum says she wld just like close family to go for a meal and talk about her instead then scatter her ashes. This is a huge turn around for my mum. All her life she told me she wants burried and in beside her parents and there's space for my dad too. Dad doesn't care 😂 he says he won't be here anyway.

A burial these days can be best of £10k. It's about £3k just for the plot here. £2k for a nice stone, funeral director costs and then the cost of the funeral/meal after. Even my Nanas was nearly £5k and the plot was already purchased and the stone got altered to include her so that part didn't cost a lot. The meal was small and reasonably priced. We couldn't believe how expensive it all was but she had a policy that covered a fair bit of it and money in the bank for the rest.

My dad died suddenly in 2021 and he'd said prior that he wanted a direct cremation, no service no nothing.

We honoured his wishes.

Despite having two family get togethers to mark his passing, not having a funeral has really affected me and made grieving so much harder.

It's something that plays on my mind a lot and I'd never choose this type of 'funeral' for myself.

I'm not a religious person but I remember feeling very moved at my MIL's funeral in church.
First, the church was absolutely packed, so it gave us a sense of how she was loved and how she touched a lot of people.

Second, hearing things such as "she's with God now" felt very comforting.

Last, people cried during the service, so later, when we all went for drinks and nibbles, it felt like the tension had disappeared and we just felt happy being together. I remember it was a rather joyful moment, because we had an outlet for being sad beforehands.

The funeral isn't for you, it's for those grieving.

This sounds perfect to me. The person is dead so, frankly, they are just a commodity. They don't exist in any other form. All it needs to be is legal - nothing else.