Friend is obsessed with having ADHD

So much ableism in this thread, it’s disgusting

Sadly @FlannelShirt it's the way most of these threads go.

People and their flippant remarks about not seeing any evidence of someone having a particular problem or condition really make me so angry.

DP's much younger brother was diagnosed with ADHD in the 1990's. He showed all the 'classic' signs - always buzzing, volume permanently up to 10, constantly in trouble at school. You know - the bad little boy who just needed more discipline from his obviously defective parents🙄 DP seemed like his complete opposite. Quiet, compliant, a people pleaser. All those 'nice' qualities that people with ADHD couldn't possibly have ... ADHD was never on his radar - until we began to learn more about the different types of ADHD, about masking, about all the ways it can impact a person's life without them putting together the pieces of the puzzle. Because, believe me, DP has been massively affected, probably even more than his brother, who was diagnosed early. DP has four siblings and I would bet my house that every single one of them has ADHD, manifesting in multiple ways. His nephew was diagnosed a while back and, while they were filling in the forms etc, SIL was saying 'God, that's me you're describing'. Lightbulb moment for her and actually a great relief.

One thing is clear from this thread…if you’re newly diagnosed ND, you’ll soon find out the quality of your friends. Even a diagnosis is not enough for these people. You do realise if people don’t go private, the average wait time on the NHS is years?

I have a friend like this and I feel you. It's BORING now.

And like you, if I say anything about relating it's immediately 'you should get assessed too' and she's constantly talking about things that she says are 'exactly her' when I've never seen any evidence of it in all the years we've been friends.

My case in point! This kind of opinion just sound ignorant.

Hyper focusing in this way is classic ADHD. It's suddenly the answer to everything she's struggled with. I was diagnosed in my teens back when there was a huge amount of stigma around it or people didn't even know what it was, so I kept it as a secret, despite the fact it has a huge impact on my life. I'm in my early 40s now and am so pleased so much of that stigma has reduced in the past few years. However I also find there is a current trend of neurotypical people often getting rather triggered/frustrated by having to acknowledge this difference in others.

That is highly annoying, as it the need for her to try and diagnose everyone else as if she's an expert because of Instagram.
I have a similar issue with my boss, who's wife works in mental health and has a child diagnosed with ADHD. He genuinely seems to be believe between the two of them, they can tell you "he's got ADHD", "He's autistic", "oh thats my funny autistic ways". SHUT UP. If I didn't have to be polite to him, I would tell him you know shit about shit. The funny thing I actually do have a diagnosed condition, which I've never told him. One time I tested it and told him a medical professional I see regularly (but not specifically in this field) suggested she thinks it's possible I may have ADHD and his response was "you, not a chance Jane". And then went on to tell me why, as if every single person with ADHD must do this one thing I don't do.

People need to just focus on themselves and stop acting like they know everything. It's not that simple

I'm not sure how someone THINKING they have ADHD takes resources away from those with a diagnosis.

Try to steer her away from watching the videos, remind her she has a tendency to hyper focus and the algorithms will just keep sending her deeper down a rabbit hole.

My friend also diagnoses my children and her own and has put her child on medication

So much ableism in this thread, it’s disgusting.

Yes Dr Tik and Dr Tok are renowned in the field of diagnosing ADHD.
Sounds draining, whilst I'd like to be supportive, I'm not sure I could be bothered with someone who could only talk about themselves constantly.

My friend also went private. Not sure she would have got the diagnosis otherwise. I mean it's meant to severely impact your life for it to be diagnosed. She's fine

Sounds like it's become her special interest which is a neurodivergent trait.

Maybe stop discriminating against her for her disability?

Could have written this post. My friend is the same, she also insists I must have it too. I have had to distance myself from her because it's soooo boring. Reels have a lot to answer for, anybody can identify with all the shit they put on about adhd

I think the social media algorithm also has a lot to do with it. If you watch and like ADHD content, then you’ll be constantly being fed ADHD messages on SM and it feeds your obsession with it.

I think those who do this need to step away from social media. (I include myself!!)

I have a friend like this. OMG it's so tedious. It's shoehorned into every conversation.

I’m with the others that say her behaviour does suggest neurodivergence as she sounds obsessed - and hyperfocusing and obsessing is an ADHD / ASD trait.

I was adult diagnosed before the rush, about 13 years ago, and I felt embarrassed about my diagnosis and told no one. I rejected it actually. Now that I’m starting to realise it was real, I am an annoying obsessive who talks endlessly to my DH about it and have to hold myself back from doing it around friends and families - honestly I have to think very hard and stop myself!

My father, who I recently told, thinks it’s all a load of rubbish. I have also had the “everyone has ADHD these days” comments from people, too.

I suggest you tell her that she’s talking to you about it so much that you’re feeling annoyed by it and you want her to stop sending you reels. Maybe she needs to set a time limit on her TikTok account as TikTok / Instagram is pretty toxic for an obsessed neurodivergent brain. (I allow myself 15 mins a day of Instagram and do not have TikTok.)

You may not think she has ADHD but that’s up to a psychiatrist to decide. But I would recommend that she waits for the NHS as it is a much more thorough diagnostic process and she’s more likely to get an accurate diagnosis.

She sounds quite self absorbed which is not a good quality- hopefully it’s temporary once she calms down.

Thing is it's a popular thing now thanks to social media, everyone & their dog seem
To have it when in actual fact they don't.

It's getting ridiculous and takes services & support from those who do have it and need help in their life's. I have autism but I never mention it unless necessary most of my friends aren't even aware I have it. Just cringe.

This. Anyone obsessing about anything is draining. We saw it during Covid where some people couldn’t think or talk about anything else.

Sometimes, people can read and watch too much stuff - especially as not all of it is correct.🙄

Neurodiversity is the same as say, Biodiversity. We are all Neurodiverse. Neurodivergent is a divergence, aka difference or separation, from the norm.

As for your friend, when you are in the discovery phase of finding out or suspecting that you are ND, you can be desperate for validation, any validation, because finally something is explaining why you are the way you are. She’s probably just over-excited, a proper diagnosis will help her a lot.

Her behaviour does rather suggest she's right.

And is it going to be a problem for you if she's proved right? Hmmm?

Could it be that she's finally felt able to drop the masking that made you feel comfortable - and is being her real self now, because she feels confident that she can?

All the best to her - I hope she finds her answers. And you're going have to cope.