To not understand the obsession with driving / red flag if partner doesn’t drive?

I've done it lots, but you are kind of limited to where trains and buses go. We used to do city breaks. I would love to do a forest in the middle of nowhere holiday, but without a car, you just can't.

I haven’t learned to drive because I wouldn’t make a very good driver. I’ve made too many unsafe decisions as a cyclist for goodness sake. I have markedly poor spatial awareness and no sense of direction. I also struggle to stay focused and “zone out” frequently. None of the people close to me think I should learn to drive, even though my inability impacts them.

I suspect that I’m neurodiverse and I have a few friends who might well be neurodiverse too. Three of them don’t drive either.

All the LOLz.

I have a licence but don't drive as I get massive panic attacks when in the driving seat. I had 134 lessons over 4 years because my dad was determined that I had to drive as it is a vital life skill. I literally felt physically sick every lesson I had and often went dizzy so my instructor had to take over. I drove a couple of times after I passed my test but decided to stand up for myself and admit to my dad that I actually couldn't do it rather than doing it because my dad was making me. I walk and bus everywhere. It has made a massive difference to my kids lives though as they can't do certain clubs and activities - which I feel so guilty for. We bought an automatic car about 5 years ago for me to go driving in and I literally felt like I was going to black out, so I then had some refresher lessons and the instructor actually said to me - I cannot drive and I am a liability on the roads. when I was a child I had severe co ordination issues so I have now realised I am dyspraxic. My DD is now 18 and has tried driving and exactly the same has happened to her- her instructor stopped her at 40 lessons and said she is unteachable because she constantly panics. I have no other issues with anxiety at all. I am a confident person in all other aspects of my life - I just cannot drive and I am unsafe behind the wheel. I have never told my DD how driving made me feel I just said I never got back into it after living in London so is very interesting how she feels exactly the same. It does limit us but I would rather be safe than risk mine and other peoples lives.

I have been looking into joint hypnotherapy to see if this would help. But it really hurts when people say I am lazy and everyone can drive because some people really can't.

It is hard, though. I have already posted about why I don't drive, but I wish I could. It's influenced where we live, where we work. With kids, it would be a nightmare. As a couple it isn't too bad. Despite a pp saying about weekend breaks in the UK, we've had plenty, but only to places we can get to by train and/or bus. We need extra days off work to do it or we spend all the time getting there and back. It isn't the actual journey time, it's the changes, waiting at stations, etc. I can't imagine putting children through that, but wonder if they'd have got used to it, like us.
I don't see many people choosing to not drive because it is restrictive. It reduces your options even just for days out.

If you're not in London it's a complete nightmare and makes you incredibly dependent on others

I cant believe that people think you can't go on holiday in the uk without a car. The uk has a great train network

Driving is non negotiable in my book but then I've always lived outside of a major city. My children are both mindful of having partners who can drive, after all who wants to be chauffeur!

I dont get it either.

I drive and have a car but I live semi rurally and am carer for my parents who can both no longer drive so dont have much choice. But my ex didnt drive, he just never got round to it and where he lived and the job he did meant he didnt need to.

I certainly dont see it as something my kids need to do as a matter of urgency, nor indeed would I refuse to date a man who didnt drive.

I can't believe that someone who lives in LONDON had the temerity to post this!

🙄

Unbelievable! I'm not even going to justify it with a response!

Why would they be amazed by that? It's pretty standard for an English city. I don't live in London and have that plus the option of trams. Although only one of the buses runs 24/7 and there are longer gaps after 1am.

I drive , my DH passed his test but never enjoyed driving so only drove once after.

My MIL said I should “ make him” but I thought it was cruel . His not driving has never affected me, even on a long journey he navigates , I drive.

He gets buses if I don’t drive him.
No red flags

We live rurally and there's barely any public transport so driving is essential if you don't want to spend your life in one tiny town.

I wouldn't consider a relationship with a non-driver as it would inevitable that I'd end up playing taxi and doing all the driving every time we went anywhere.

You're in London. It's a completely different environment from most of the rest of the UK, as well you should probably know.

We live in London and nobody in our household drives (3 adults). We manage just fine, and there haven't been any situations where we might have needed to drive in the 20+ years we've lived here.

We take UK holidays in other places though and I can see why people living there would see it as essential. But I'd never consider living there, I would find it so inconvenient to rely on a car for everything. Even in outer London the public transport can be awkward (because everything connects to the centre) but that's why we live very central too.

I live in a city (not London) and everything I need is walkable, or within a tram or bus ride if I'm being lazy.

I think London transport is massively overrated, it's not that good and I can get to central London by train faster than it takes the average "Londoner" to get there by any method (as most live so far out it's not really the city of London at all).

Most English cities have good public transport, if you don't then you live too far out in the suburbs/rural.

Well we live in a village and the buses are fairly crap. We both drive but when my dh bust his leg for a few months and wasn't able to drive it was a nightmare. I hadn't realised how much we were reliant on us both driving.

I agree.

London is completely different to the entire country. Where we live public transport is ok but not amazing. Where I grew up it is complete shit unless you fancy walking over a few fields to get to the closest supermarket. There used to be a bus near my sisters house, she still lives in our hometown but the route was cut years ago.

It depends where you live. I live in rural Norfolk, so not driving is a massive problem. If I lived in London I wouldn't drive as there is good public transport.
People live outside London, shock!

So what’s the definition of a red flag? I thought it was code for an abuse signifier or control freaky behaviour

Yeah come back to this thread if you ever move out of London

It is a red flag to me, and I have epilepsy and had to stop driving for a year. Medical matters only, and yes, it would put me off a man.

I was a driver who didn’t have a car for a number of years when I lived in London. As a renter it was no problem but once I bought a flat it was a complete hassle. Public transport is geared to travelling centrally and back out again so trips around a borough can be painful. Getting paint and equipment from Homebase or furniture from IKEA was near on impossible unless you rent a van or car.