To think we should go as a family to lunch with my boss

@parkrun500club

No, people want to see friends at weekends and do things they want to do. Not what their boss wants them to do.

It’s one weekend!

People are acting as if the boss has asked the DH to move in with her.

I do think it's a bit sad not to socialise with your colleagues outside work, if you all get on well together

That can be precisely the reason that you do get on well together - because you don't see too much of each other except at work!

No, people want to see friends at weekends and do things they want to do. Not what their boss wants them to do.

Unless they work at weekends.

I also think doing to a colleague's house is too personal. It's better not to know that your boss lives in a £1 million house!

The job that OP can do due her husband doing the child rearing

I wouldn't make him go, nor would I verbally abuse him for not doing so like many on here have suggested. Nor should it be pointed out to him that he should be grateful he can be a sahp. Does it not benefit you, him being a sahp? Or does he do nothing all day and you still do all the work at home too?

Its an interesting thread to read though and the double standards are incredible!

Would you also consider a woman an ungrateful twat, who was in the same position? And would you find it acceptable if a man insisted his wife gets dragged out with the kids for a boring work lunch during, what should be, family time?

I used to work for a very senior manager who regularly invited all her management team round to her house for lasagne and a swingball tournament. She was a hoot! In my industry, socialising together is very much the norm, either at the pub or at each other's houses. Lots of people I work with have summer parties which are all colleagues, partners and kids.

I do think it's a bit sad not to socialise with your colleagues outside work, if you all get on well together.

There is an expectation to accept due to not wanting to offend. The power dynamics mean that turning down the invitation has disadvantages for OP.

Christmas parties are a work event. The dinner party is an outside of work event. To me they are different to whoever equated them.

I work for a UK mobile operator. So very corporate. This scenario wouldn’t happen. And I’m glad. Plenty of team building events/oppurtunities during working hours.

I was never friends with either of the bosses who invited employees to their homes. Friendship wasn't on offer and I didn't expect it because I understand boundaries. I don't expect that OP regards her boss as her friend.

Where the idea comes from that you have to be friends before having lunch at someone's house or before offering someone lunch I don't know.

Who's forcing it?

Suit yourself.

I've worked for a couple of small creative companies which have been run on this personal sort of line. Used to love being invited to Sunday lunch with my boss's family in their huge house in Kensington, with a taxi to and from home which they paid for. I used to enjoy the opportunity of getting to know my colleagues outside the office, too. Some of us are still in touch 30 years on.

Going to lunch or dinner doesn't mean you're friends with your boss. The bosses I've known who've worked that way have been good to work for — generous and genuinely concerned about the well-being of their employees.

I guess for those who work in big corporations or high street big names the idea of going out for a meal with the boss is unthinkable.

You're just being obnoxious now and I'm done chatting with you, thepeopleversuswork.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

There. I've explained. No paranoia, just a dislike of over-stepping office boundaries. I don't mind if you entirely disagree, we're commenting based on our own experiences.

I just think that’s an entirely outdated and unrealistic view of the world of work.

A lot of careers require a lot of close working and networking and it’s more or less essential to have good relationships with the people you work with. Seeking to strengthen relationships with individuals isn’t “encouraging sycophantic behaviour” it’s just necessary.

In any case the boss and her husband probably can’t invite every single employee over just to avoid the risk that some paranoid person thinks they are encouraging sycophantic behaviour. Unless they are multi millionaires they won’t have money or space.

Would you feel that you could never invite just one friend over, you have to invite everyone you know? Almost certainly not. It’s the same thing with work: not everyone can always be at the same events all the time. That’s life and if you can’t be a grown up about it you’re probably not suited to being in this position.

It just sounds like you have a very old fashioned view of socialising at work.

I'm sure you do. I'm an employer. I wouldn't invite an employee and her husband and children to lunch unless the employee was separately a friend.

Just because you wouldn't do it or it's not common in your sector doesn't make it wrong.

If he can’t understand that your job allows him to stay at home then stop subsidising him and make him go back to work.

Yes but that is exactly the point I made. If your friends, then sure, spend as much time together as you please. But if you’re not friends and you are forcing a social interaction a la 1960 that is odd and unprofessional.

I'm sure you do. I'm an employer. I wouldn't invite an employee and her husband and children to lunch unless the employee was separately a friend.

I also would never dream of making my employee's career development being impacted on by her husband.

2 of my oldest and best friends, I met at work 36 years ago

where else do adults meet new friends?

Honestly, I genuinely think I live in a completely different world to some people on here.

Boss is cherry-picking the employees to invite to lunch. That is inviting sycophantic behaviour and it makes him a bit of a twat. Good bosses don't do that, they don't need to, they also know that it is bad for the workplace.

OP seems to think that this will curry favour for her career which is really quite sad.

There. I've explained. No paranoia, just a dislike of over-stepping office boundaries. I don't mind if you entirely disagree, we're commenting based on our own experiences.

Not a fan of work Christmas parties then if it's inappropriate to mix work and pleasure?

Such rubbish.

Agree 100%.