To think we should go as a family to lunch with my boss

I've offered to go with DH before.

When you're a couple, you do things for each other. Even when that thing doesn't directly benefit you.

He should be going and if he really won’t go then you should take the children anyway.

Some people actually like their colleagues. I'm friends with many of mine and have formed life long friendships

Your DH is a dick, sometimes people are just nice. Personally I'd just hi by myself and enjoy myslef with my colleague and DH can look after the kids!

That would be my suspicion.

Take the kids.

Or make it clear you are turning off your phone until the lunch is over.

Plenty of wives who never had a corporate job (and even plenty who once had) have spent years sucking up company picnics, BBQ with the Boss, go-cart racing, or whatever. Your husband is being churlish. Does he object to sitting with the wives?

Is he embarrassed maybe because he doesn’t have a career? That’s all I can think of.
the offer of a Sunday lunch with family included sounds lovely!

It isn't though.

It is an invitation from someone the OP works with and has done for a number of years, and gets on well with, and has things in common with (young children).

Just because you meet someone at work, doesn't mean this won't just be a pleasant, friendly lunch and chance for the children to play together.

I can't think of anything worse. It's work, nothing to do with the rest of the family.

I think this sounds like it could be a really fun afternoon. You obviously know your boss well and must get on, otherwise they wouldn’t have invited you. The kids won’t be thinking of it as a ‘business lunch’. Just a play date with some new friends. I’m sure your boss is planning a fairly informal event. As long as you’re not being asked to do this on a regular basis, I’d be disappointed if my DH turned it into a big issue.

Your partner needs to grow up a bit. This is an event that is important to you and might be a useful career stepping stone. He can cope with talking to strangers for the space of one lunchtime.

Social events are a great way to build relationships. If feel let down in your shoes. Take the children if you want to.

I think what I’m trying to say is I think the whole Mad Men/trailing spouse scenario is a bit of a red herring here.

This sounds more like a family orientated meet up between a couple of families that get on well 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m really suprised by some of the responses on here.

This isn’t a horrid corporate event, it’s a friendly invitation from someone who it sounds as if the OP gets on well with, and a chance to spend some time socialising with two other couples and their kids. I know lots of people on mumsnet think it’s anathema to pass the time of day with someone at work - but lots of my friends have been made through work.

My partner and I support each other at each other’s friend/family occasions.

This sounds a lovely family day, chance to make good friends and I think your DH is an arse for not going.

Yes

But that's what I'm saying - that it SHOULDN'T be part of it. It should be the norm for the person who works there to do their own networking and keep their family out of it. Not even 1% of what your boss thinks about you should be based on whether they hit it off with your spouse or whether one of your dc behaved less than perfectly and how you handled it and so on. And it leads to discrimination against people whose lifestyles don't fit the boss's idea of how middle-class professional people should be living. What if someone has a working-class partner who they think their colleagues will sneer at? A partner with physical / mental health challenges that make this sort of thing hard for them (and which they maybe don't want their colleagues knowing about)? A same-sex partner (and reasons why they don't want that to be known at work)? Any kind of unconventional relationship? An abusive relationship (which is hard to hide in public for some, and they probably don't want colleagues to know about it). It's just so old-fashioned. If the single people who work there can go to a party on their own, so can the married ones. They'll get more "networking" done if they can just talk shop and not have to worry about whether their spouse is bored / left out / whatever.

Just tell him it's nice of him to offer,but you intend to take them with you. He has no alt plans so he doesn't get to veto it

He should go graciously with you and the children. Couples should support each other. But if that means you have to really coerce him to attend what will his behaviour be like?

I would be deeply disappointed in his response and reluctance and lack of support. Sometimes we all have to do something that might not be our actual choice, but it oils the wheels of niceties.

A family meal is a family meal. They have kids, you have kids... it's not a business lunch! Of course you go as a family, but if he can't support his wife in this small way what does that say about him?

@Edingril

Why is it unacceptable? I was the trailing spouse and have been to countless dinners and hosted. It part of the deal as far as I'm concerned. You enjoy the money after all. Don't understand why a man can't do the same

We would never be like that. I would definitely take the kids, and say this is a normal thing to do, your refusing to go and sulking isn’t. You aren’t very supportive of my work, perhaps you would be happier if we looked at childcare and you getting a job.

He should go and support you, but if he is a lazy arse and if he went would spend the time acting like a petulant child, probably best that he stays home, looks after his children while you are effectively working, and collects you after co that you can enjoy a glass of wine should you want one.

Hs being really unsupportive, if the tables were reversed he would expect you to come

Not true at all - we're often invited to corporate events with DHs boss. And vice versa. Can't say I enjoy it but just part of networking within enterprise.

Is he insecure in some way? I would be nervous about going and saying or doing something stupid. Just edited to say I would still go if Dh asked me.

Some of the answers on here are weird. Occasional out of work socialising with the boss/colleagues and family was normal for me growing up with my parents jobs and normal in my current career.

I would be very, very pissed off if he couldn't suck it up for a few hours one evening. Presumably you earn a fair amount of you can afford for him to be a sahp. He has the luxury of not having to work outside the home - he can put up with a dinner once or twice a year.