To think we should go as a family to lunch with my boss

I agree 100% as I do with all other similar posts. If it were a man who was invited with his wife and family, I’m sure the wife would see it as being supportive to her husband and his career.
The DH sounds an absolute idiot with no idea about social mores or the world of work. And ‘stay at home fathers’ make my toes curl.

I think you should go and take the DC. He then gets a nice afternoon ‘off’ (maybe he could do some housework 😂)

It sounds like a nice invitation not a work event, or trying to impress your boss like some people have inferred.

This,

I’m a SAHP, my DH has a very well paid job and I have not once been expected to do anything like this, Thank goodness. This hasn’t affected his career in any way. I’m shocked at some of these responses!

I’ve done this before. DD liked playing with the kids and I enjoyed chatting to the wife.

Boss has invited me and my family for lunch at their house in a couple of weeks, another colleague (who is single and no DC) will also be going.

I don’t understand why DH is saying you can’t take the kids? Would he be the same if it were a friends party?

I did it once for DH. After that I said no. It was boring, I didn't know anyone and the other partner who was there was nice but we didn't have anything in common.
Doesn't seem to have had a negative impact on. his career. Having said that your DH doesn't get the deciding vote about whether your kids go.. Take them if you want to.
I do think your boss is a CF for wanting you to give up family time at the weekend. (I said the same to DH about his boss).

Take it you are not career orientated then?

So the sahp doesn’t do housework, try’s to control your work nights out by ringing you needlessly and is refusing to support you in your career even though he would be homeless without it.

Well you need to tell your boss that you’re sorry you haven’t brought the family to lunch but your dh is controlling and you’re trying to work out your next steps.

You should all go, and decide to enjoy the interaction and networking.
You can then gauge whether you would go again or whether it was a useful thing to do every now and again.

Many work places have a Christmas Party or occasional times when business is mixed with pleasure.
I don't see anything wrong with the invitation at all.

My first instinct would be to all go.
I think your husband has no reason to lie and stay home.
I think your children would benefit.
There is nothing wrong with the work place knowing you as a real family - a real person. Accepting one off lunches doesn't mean that your weekends are still not your own.

I think your boss would be more bothered if the kids were not going than your H not going.

Their kids will want someone to play with, whereas I bet their spouse (if they have one) will be relieved they are off the hook and don't have to entertain your H!

It would be weird for you to go alone since you've been invited as a family, and probably disappointing to the hosts too. It sounds like your DH cannot be relied upon to act graciously at this event, so leave him at home and take the kids. I don't know why you'd even entertain the stupid idea of not taking them.

He sounds like an all-around unsupportive arse, though. A SAHP who never wants you to attend an occasional work event and only does 10% of the housework?

To add the language you use isnt that normal.

I don't how it comes down to you "picking a fight" if you say "DH no worries, I'll go alone and have the kids, yoy have a break enjoy your sport/ take the morning off."

He doesnt like you doing to work dinners, you do 90% of housework and he wont take a break.
You sound like you cant win here....

The work dinners are also imo controlling both my dh and i do these and while we aren't rolling in at 3 am it is not infrequently 11.30- midnight.

I am with your dh
Your kids are not pawns to be used in trying to impress the boss.This is all very 1970s Gerry & Margo leadbetter-esque.Assessing the family really isn't usual in today's corporate world.
I can't believe the poster who made the disparaging comments about SAHD being beholden! If the genders were reversed they would have hD their arse handed go them

I dont agree with this at all.

I'm the high earner.

I've been for

• dinner with my DHs boss and peers with respective plus ones.
• A wedding of head of sales (not my dhs dept but an important stakeholder for him)
• we did a playdate with a CFO and his wife once.

It an infrequent small kindness i can do my dh who i love. I'm invested in his sucesses as it benefits him and our family just as he is invested in mine.

Taking it further i do days out he enjoys more than me and vice versa, we socialise with both his friends (one i think is slightly knobheady and arrogant) and mine (he finds one of my friends dhs boring and sometimes grumpy) and god only knows we both suffer silently and nobly through each others various family events.

you dont just "please yourself" alllll the time if you are a responsible adult, in a relationship and/or have children.

I'd be unhappy about this and would really be questioning his motives here especially blocking the kids going...i would be mildly annoyed but not that bothered if he didnt go but stopping the kids smacks a little of sabotage..?

Its 3 hours not his full 2 week annual leave at a work conference....

his awkwardness around such a trivial event is imo weird and im wondering if its symptomatic of something bigger. Is he happy as a stay at home? In the marriage in general? Is he embarrassed he doesnt work ?(i get the vibe your kids are school age?)

OP wants to go. It's not a whole weekend, it's a couple of hours, they'll socialise, have a nice lunch, kids will play together. Not really missing out on sacred family time as OPs DH will be at his hobby anyway.

Does he feel embarassed that he doesn’t have a job and that is why he doesn’t want to go? I feel this is one of those situations when he absolutely should suck it up be polite and support you.
My child loves to meet who Daddy works with, it makes him feel more connected with him when he is at work knowing the names and faces of who he is with. We recently had a week off and stayed at home but did day trips as we had been away at the beginning of the holidays. We were doing a day trip into London and asked our son what he would like to do. First on his list was go in to Daddy’s office even though dh was on holiday, ds hadn’t met current team as it was a new job he started 6 months ago. We went with it and quickly popped into the office said hi and then of course went on for a lovely lunch and more normal child activities in London. He loved it.

You really need to sort out the household chores, he really should be doing the lions share.

You are the breadwinner.
This is an exceptional weekend lunch.
He wants you to do childcare WHILE at work so he can go play football?

Are you out of your mind?!
Or rather, is he out of his mind??

As a SAHP, I hate these things but I always do them because my spouse’s job puts food on the table. Period.

Maybe the weekend should be for the whole family to be together and this sort of event is where you need to draw the line and say to your boss, “Sorry, no can do. Let’s have coffee or even quick bite after work on X day. But can’t do weekend, we have plans.”

If I was a SAHM and my DH spent all week at work, I would like family time on the weekend or time to do my hobby after looking after small children and the house (although you say you do the housework).

I wonder if the other attendee will cancel closer to the day. Maybe they said yes but being single and no DC, they may not really want to bother, after all, they will see you all the next day on Monday.

It seems like a get together you almost wouldn’t want HR to get hold of, others may feel excluded too. Seems like a bother from inside your family to not knowing how it may be received if it gets out to others.

So YABU.

I think it would be weird to go alone if you are invited as a family tbh. if you are waiting until nearer the time to see if DH has his hobby, sounds like boss has given you enough notice to rearrange. boss will know that your DH doesn't want to go. is it not a bit petulant to refuse to go. he might actually enjoy the others company. but so what if he doesn't and hates it. he is a whole grown up, he can endure

This with bells on. Loyalty!

Wives have been going to things like this to help their husband's careers for decades... he can absolutely suck it up for one lunch.

Being in a marriage is being a team and if one partner is the primary breadwinner then it makes sense to do these things occasionally.

It's not even like he has to do it often either... I would be unimpressed with his lack of support.

I sometimes go to these things with my husband.

I hate it, I am.socially anxious, but I am also an adult that steps up for my family.

Your DH is an arsehole. He's also actively sabotaging you by calling you home early from your dinners etc.

Both DH and I work and we both find the time and energy to go to these types of socials for each other.

I'd be furious if I were you.

This is the problem with male aahp 😡

How did I guess you still do most of the housework 🙄

I'd say he doesn't want you to take the kids because that gives him an 'out' to not go. Also that would show him up, you can go to a work do and look after the kids at the same time.