To think we should go as a family to lunch with my boss

Is this still going?

The saddo is the person with the fixed mindset and the 1950s perception of what work involves. Oh and the total lack of ambition

Those of you with ambition should be grateful to those who don't have it. Work is a pyramid and we can't all sit at the top. The alpha people need people to do the actual work while they spend the day weekends schmoozing.

Omg your (D)H sounds absolutely precious and entitled. He needs to suck it up and go make nice. These things absolutely make a difference. Has he never worked a day in his life? Whether you're the main breadwinner or not, I'd be profoundly depressed if my spouse did this on principle.

What sort of saddo do you think WANTS to spend the weekend with their boss

I can’t believe this thread is still going and people are still behaving like teenagers about a very normal and non mandatory request.

Some people enjoy the company of their colleagues or employer and it doesn’t make them a “saddo” (such a teenage word). Some people also understand that it might help their career prospects to sacrifice a couple of hours every once and in a blue moon.

The saddo is the person with the fixed mindset and the 1950s perception of what work involves. Oh and the total lack of ambition.

It is possible to acknowledge that that some people genuinely want to spend their family weekends with their bosses family but it is not weird to also acknowledge the power imbalance in such requests.

A boss might think they are liked but actually their employees are just putting on the rictus grin on a daily basis because it is their boss. A boss can get a very skewed impression at work. I am both a subordinate and a manager in my company so see it both ways.

I agree with the unwelcome American concept of your employer as your family. The same employer who can dismiss you at will in the US. Now That is Weird.

But why would it be a problem what you choose to do with the kids while he is out playing his sport? Sorry I just really don’t get it. Of course he shouldn’t have to go if he doesn’t want to (though I think it is sad he doesn’t want to go and support you). But I can’t fathom why he thinks he can control whether the kids go?! And why he’d want to?

My mum regularly went for lunch - and sometimes dinner, or parties - with her boss. Usually I went as well. And she came to ours. We helped her paint her living room, she helped us move house. This carried on long after they both left the company - because they were friends who actually liked each other. It does happen.

Well, firstly, no-one is talking about "spending the weekend". It is lunch. On one of the days. The only time this year, not a regular thing.

But, I would quite happily go for lunch with my colleague, who is also my friend, as well as being the one that stepped forward when the Manager's post became vacant. She was my friend before she took on the Manager's role and I saw no reason to then change the relationship.
I don't think I'd be described as a 'saddo' by anyone who knew me.
I also still meet former colleagues from over 30 years ago for lunch about once a year - including the boss, until she passed away.

Someone who likes their boss? Are you very young? This seems like the kind of attitude I might have had when I was 17.

What sort of saddo do you think WANTS to spend the weekend with their boss

This is a really weird response to a very normal situation.

Totally agree @OlPackingTape . there are a lot of people on this thread who seem to be putting their own weird spin on what is a pleasant, social occasion, and what is perfectly normal in many workplaces.
I'm sorry for the posters who have had experiences that make them so bitter, but people should be able to understand that not every workplace is like that.

This is a normal thing supportive spouses do for each other to help them get on professionally.

your DH is being unreasonable and is either ignorant or willfully trying to jeopardise your job. I’d give him short shrift - he should suck it up and give up three hours of his life to support you, your success being in his interest.

Fine for DH not to go (although agree he has every reason to support you schmoozing the boss and wouldn’t be too impressed by that attitude) but confused as to why you’ve allowed him to tell you not to take the kids but not questioned him on why? What did you respond when he said that??

Sounds like the kids will have fun playing and if you get on with your boss it won’t be too much of an imposition but could help with your career - win win all round.

This is a really weird response to a very normal situation.

Well just stop! YOU like THEIR company? I bet you do, because there is a power imbalance in your favour!!
They di not want to spend their weekends kowtowing to their boss!
FGS get some self awareness!!

have you said he is doing some sport @OopsyDaisie

Social occasions don't have to be boring as fuck.

It's not a works do. It's just a lunch with the kids and another family who already know each other.

Yea these things are boring as fuck for the trailing spouse but you do them to be supportive. DH and I both have careers and we do it for each other!

Thanks for the update I was wondering if you had been yet.
I hope you and the children enjoy yourselves and have some delicious food made for you.

Absolutely but the op has said it's to try and get the other colleague to work in their department, so no it's not a gathering with friends - it's work related.

As I said in my post - I personally wouldn't go - many would - that's the point of this thread for people's opinions.

But all of that is made up by you.

The Op said this is someone she has worked with for a long time, who has similar aged dc, and who likes hosting. My interpretation of that is that the colleague (who happens to be her boss as well) has thought 'Oopsie is nice. We always have a laugh at work. I'll invite her over one weekend for lunch. It'll be nice. The dc can play together and we'll have a good old chinwag'.

I've worked in various places over 40 years, and sometimes there are people you meet at work who become really good friends. Most are 'colleagues you are friendly with' but there's no logical reason to make a rule that says you can't become good friends with someone because you happen to work with them.

Tbh @Mayorq they aren't much better to sahm. I've seen it compared to prostitution, being a kept woman, not having a work ethic, setting a bad example to one's children etc.
For some people, there's no realisation of marriage making a team, where both support each other in different ways. Or acknowledgement that sometimes childcare costs would eat more than one person could earn and a family can't afford to run at a loss! Or that both parties can be happy with how they've divided the labour and no one is hard done by

Love these threads for finding out exactly what MNers think of SAHP's as soon as it's a man.

"Remind him that he can only afford his sport thanks to you/ let him know you fund his life" 😂😂😂

This occasion is in the PAST folks... And op hasn't updated anyway.
All advice is moot from this point.