Upset DH wants to holiday without me

" it's bringing back a little bit of PTSD"??? Don't bandy that phrase around if you don't actually have it. And 'a little bit'? You've either got it or you haven't?

I'm sorry but I don't care who it is, you're not going to dictate to me where my child is or isn't going when you only have a superfical relationship with said child and thats only because it's facilated by me and husband.

Would grandparents ever see the child if your husband didnt arrange to meet up with them or didn't take the child every time ?
Them adding on husband is to make sure they get what they want and it seems to not lose face with their friends. Are they only taking grandchild to be a play mate for their friends grandchild?
You know none of the details of this holiday before they even asked you if child could go with them. You still know nothing about it. Staying in a hotel is different from an air bnb.
My mum used to look after my eldest 5 mornings a week and she would never dream of "telling" me she'd booked a holiday and was going to take him.
It would be a hard no from me.

Debatable, I would never let my ex take my kids on holiday, he couldnt look after them properly on a day trip, he left the then 5yr old in the toilet at a busy theme park and forgot he had kids with him for nearly half hour. One of the many reasons he's an ex, he stopped contact when youngest was 8 as it was too hard work. Step dad is a different story I would of happily sent all the kids away on a holiday with him. She's baby's parent and husband has agreed if shes not comfortable with baby going he'll go on his own. She may feel differently nearer the time.

Agree.

A week is a long time at that age.

My DC is secondary age and I've not spent a whole week away from him yet.

Why has Mumsnet changed the post I was commenting on to this one
Help how do I delete my comment I have no idea what this thread is about

I don't think it's selfish at all , as you are ds primary care giver and he's only 20 months old , a week is a long time.
I think it's selfish of grandparents to expect this from you when you have said no and are uncomfortable with it. I'd stick to your guns with this one. Maybe suggest when he's a little bit older you will consider it.

Some parents are comfortable with overnight stays with family. It’s personal preference. I personally would struggle to let my young child go without me even if my husband went with him.

Your situation is also more difficult due to the grandparents not being that close to your child.

If you don’t feel comfortable with your child being away, just tell them that you’re not ready for that.

There is absolutely no way I’d let my 20 month old go away, especially abroad, without me.

Nope nope nope. Absolutely not. Never in a million years would I allow grandparents with that little contact to take my DC away at that age without me. Even if my DH was going. Just nope. YANBU and if they want a holiday with your DS, they will have to suck up paying more during school hols and you all go together. That’s not unreasonable. Your DH sounds like an idiot.

It’s called primary caregiver, look it up

YANBU. I would absolutely NOT let my baby go in these circumstances. DH can go if he wants to spend time with his parents 🤷‍♀️

But it was rude for them to arrange a holiday in a way to exclude you, and YEAH, your DH will have to pay more so you can have a holiday as a family in term time (duh)

And since the question of this being a reverse came up the OP stopped responding. Bet it's a bloke. This is about control.

It should be a conversation that's the point no one should make unilateral decisions about a child you both parent.

Also t9 be blunt if what you were saying is true that human children of that age would face significant hardship away from its mother for a week in the care of its father, its we as a species would of died out fast.

This is basically a new age concept either you were wealthly enough and your children had nanny's or you worked and kids were l9oked after collectively. Or sent a way to grandparents.

Your raising your children to be independent of you at nearly two they should definitely be wandering away.

And fundamentally it sounds abusive unilateral decision making in a relationship with out consultation is wrong. Something is off about this situation.

I think baby going with just GPs is wrong but goi no with DH is totally fine and DS going on holiday with his parents totally fine. He will never get this time with them back (nor will they with the baby).

Obviously that comes with caveats around everyone’s treatment of the baby etc

Genuinely though, what if a mum just said to her husband, "I'm taking our baby away for a week with my parents, we've already booked it and for a date we know you can't do, we won't even let you come up with the extra money to do it in a school holiday when we could all go".

Personally I do think there is a small element of it being more important not to take a baby away from it's primary carer (who is usually the mother), but beyond that this is surely more about one parent just trying to demand that they get to take the baby for a week regardless of how the other one feels?

OP - how is your relationship generally with inlaws? It sort of sounds like they don't really want you there.

Christ no, why should you?

Any why do you need to say anything more than no? Your husband can do what he wants, of course - but he is not allowed to book on to a holiday himself in the hope that it will put pressure on you to pretend over time that you are comfortable with something you are not comfortable with.

OP, listen to your gut.
Your child is not a toy.
They see very little of him and make little effort.
In your place I would not allow it and your partner should get that this is not reasonable.
Do not be bullied by him or them.

But if you separated from their dad, he'd have them by himself for periods of time and they would be perfectly fine. This narrative that children are somehow harmed by being away from their mother is crazy. Small wonder the narrative that childcare should fall to women persists when we ourselves are perpetuating this myth that fathers can't cope .

Nope. If my children are going abroad/on holiday, so am I. No chance anyone is taking my kids anywhere without me. Nada. My youngest is 2, eldest 5. All still need their Mum at times.

It’s a year away. Plenty of time to change that.

Why is he necessarily not looking after the child the same amount of time as the mother? The baby is at the childminders anyway during the day and likely both parents around in evenings And if he isn't now there is plenty of time to do so by next year

You've basically got a sperm donor forget that.

I'm wondering if there is some kind of mass delusion at play here. Maybe generational. I'm a millennial I've never in my life had FRIEND'S who couldn't trust their husband with their child. I hope to God her husband reads this thread. RUNNNNNNNN or flip side if you husband at the moment is completely unable to care for his child while not working, you divorce him! To be h9nest if this is not a reverse and this is the real situation. He is taking the absolute kiss, how dare he leave you completely unable to be away from your children. I think I would commit murder.

He possibly is, but isn't use to looking after the child for long periods of time. It is also taking a child away from it's main care giver, which also isn't ideal.