Daughter refusing to speak normally

It's pretty normal. I did it, my SD did it, my 4yo does it sometimes.
I just keep repeating, "I can't understand that baby voice," and refuse to engage with her until she speaks properly.

I don't understand this. In your OP you said you were "perfectly fine" with just one child. Surely the reason you can't have more children is that your tubes were tied years ago?

And actually I do agree with your point that crying about THEIR behaviour ( rather than grown up issues) is arguably a bit manipulative as a habit. But no harm done op: you had a bad day. Darkest before the light and all that!

Yes true I’m just thinking if the DD saw her mum like that, what might she think. Possibly this situation is self-perpetuating….

That does suggest you've had other quite serious causes for concern for a long time, over and above the baby talk. What are they?

Thank you 😊

But if your child’s behaviour has pushed you to the frayed edge of your last nerve, @ClairDeLaLune, it may be better to remove yourself from the situation (as long as the child is safe), so you can calm down.

Yes, that wording I can agree with more happily!

Oops sorry I can be a bit blunt sometimes. But I don’t think it’s generally a good idea though for parents to flounce off and cry due to their DC’s behaviour, they should maybe try and deal with it in a more mature way. I guess though that sometimes you’re just at the end of your tether and can’t cope with it anymore. And also I’ve just remembered I did it once and didn’t really cover myself in glory. The kids take the piss out of me about it now!

Yikes! Last para quite harsh! I think it’s actually fine for Dc to see sometimes parents cry or find things tough to work through. But they do work through it. We all feel like having a good cry sometimes. Why pretend it’s unnatural- so that they feel there’s something wrong and unusually weak or lacking in them when they are upset ?

Honestly - I’d roll with it. Play along- meet her where she is and then explore it. My little one is younger (just turned three) and she likes to do this sometimes- usually it’s in connection to needing to be that little bit younger for a while. (eg. I recently needed to go to a&e following an accident - she needed a few days of knowing mummy was there and looking after her albeit with a wonky foot) Bonus points she has somehow managed to get that tiny baby toddle down to an art and it’s hilarious .

school is a BIG change - I’m not surprised she’s having big feelings about it and probably some of those are wishing she could be little and just wanting to go back to be cared for and safe with mum.

But you said in your OP ”a few years ago I had my tubes tied neither me or partner wanted another daughter” so that doesn’t really make sense. Why say you didn’t want another daughter? Could she have picked up on this?

Something is troubling your daughter OP and you need to talk to her and find out what it is. Could she have picked up on the tension from her dad losing his job? Is she upset that her friends haven’t wanted to see her over the summer? Is she worried about going into year 4? Does she not like the teacher? Maybe she thinks if she acts young she won’t have to move up.

Talk to her. Shutting yourself in a room crying will NOT be helping. If she sees her mum acting like a baby she’ll think it’s fine that she does too.

I actually feel for your child, you seem to be quite harsh on her, there's clearly a reason why she's doing this, maybe it's a attention thing? Any attention is attention in some children's eyes, maybe it's because there is some underlying issue, maybe you need to do some "grown up" things together like go and have a little pamper day, paint your nails, face mask, movie and a giggle to make her realise she enjoys being "grown up". Sit down and talk to her and get to them bottom of why she's talking like that in a calm manner and tell her you just want to understand. Give her a break!

Why are you so determined to label a child you don't know. Weirdo!

Yes but I don’t think the poster was saying you shouldn’t work through the behaviour with them, but rather explore it with them
in a supportive way. I sometimes find it useful to ask myself why I responded a certain way to something. It helps.

Who the fuck are you to diagnose another persons child just because she has some similar behaviour to your child. You are the very worst type of mumsnetter.

Absolutely! Boundaries are crucial. The key is approaching with patience and curiosity and compassion.

Yes, absolutely.

It can be quite a useful, if not easy, way of finding out one's own areas that need work ...

Exactly.

We have a book in which we have written down the funny and cute things ours did because it’s so easy to forget otherwise . Even with the book, when we get it out every so often, there’s always something I had forgotten or one of us will exclaim: “ oh that’s right! I remember that!” There is nothing our Dc love more than getting that book out - often round Christmas. Children love to reminisce and hear about their baby days. Even if they get bigger, they know that’s all still safely recorded in there to revisit.

Another poster above made a really good point as well, namely that children (and often especially girls IME) reach an age where they find babies and little children really cute, and it can be a role-play type thing as they are quite “taken” by them. That’s very natural - it’s the first stirrings of our instincts as humans to nurture and cherish babies. Every child loves a kitten or puppy.

I think, op, there are lots of fairly good explanations for it that you don’t need to get too worried about. I personally wouldn’t shame or punish her; it’s unkind and likely to be counter-productive. But maybe have a chat about babies and baby talk etc. Be honest ( but not angry) that you are wondering why she is doing it and just ask non-judgementally, and see which angle you think she is coming from. Does she feel worried about something? Does it seem as though these worries are coming with getting bigger? Little children can be so cute: has she noticed any cute children on tv or irl lately? What did she like about being a toddler? What’s better now? You may get a feel for what is driving it. She may even say “ because it gets you mad!” 🤣 But at least you would know more about her state of mind regarding it! I suspect it is something a bit needy surrounding growing up. As I said before, look how many threads you can find on MN about support during peri menopause: even adults feel uncertain and needy about moving through stages of life, but she can’t post “ anyone else feeling nostalgic for the bits of childhood that are behind us as we move into year 4?” I think you mentioned she has a stern teacher this year. Maybe it’s that 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think thats a good point but a parents job is also to teach boundaries, how they wish to be spoke to etc. Mine has been barking like a dog, I generally let her get on but if she is disturbing others or preventing me from having a conversation then yes I will ask her to stop because it’s disruptive and annoying. I think never telling a child that their behaviour is negative is not great. OP thinks the girls friends are avoiding her because of this behaviour, I would definitely be trying to help her stop if she was alienating herself.

100% ignore it.

Try blank face, no emotions.

When she speaks properly, kind smile and kind gentle voice.

Try to calm down.

Let her go back to school.

Her teachers won't stand for it (maybe give them a heads up) and her friends will tease her for it.

Then she'll stop.

If there is no reason at all, then she's doing it because either she enjoys it or she enjoys the effect it has on you.

You could try not reacting.

Or you could indulge her and speak baby language back to her.

Or you could go one better and treat her like a baby when you're out in public and see if that snaps her out of it.

I'm sure she'll stop when she's back at school and back in a routine.

Really good point! And one of the reasons that parenting is so tough and self reflection is so important

I don’t agree that ignoring behaviour is rejection or will give her issues. Sometimes children do stuff because they enjoy it. Sometimes kids do stuff because they just want to, they have low impulse control and sometimes low empathy with their parents and will keep doing something because they like it.

If she was looking for affirmation from a disconnected or emotionally neglectful parent she would be trying to please to be “good” (I have personal experience of this).

I would say 3 psychiatrists seems a bit much tbh unless there is other stuff going on.

Yes, although it's worth bearing in mind that adults getting so furious with a child's harmless (if irritating) behaviour is often a defense.

Children often trigger responses in their carers that reflect unmet needs of the adult. If a child is taught that their asking for attention or affection is wrong or silly or naughty they may when they grow up find it very hard to handle a child asking the same of them.

Worth considering why something makes us so angry.