Does your dh let you choose decor?

Yeah, that's not right.
Not one for compromise is he?

I wouldn't tolerate that one bit!

Controlling sexist prick

My husband and I chose the paint colours together because it’s OUR house.

Have you never said ‘actually Tim I don’t like those cushions/that colour paint/those curtains’ and then challenge him on why you don’t get a say? I couldn’t let it go.

DH thinks I have more of an 'eye' for this stuff so is generally happy for me to take the lead when it comes to colour schemes, furniture, lighting etc. It probably matters more to me, and he realises that so he'll usually go along with what I want. If he really doesn't like something though he'll say and then we'll find a compromise together. We do have similar tastes though. With smaller things like bedding, cushions etc I wouldn't feel the need to run it by him, if I see something I like I'll get it.

Your DH's attitude to this stuff is not normal, OP. He clearly sees the house as being 'his'. I couldn't live like that, I love my home and my environment has a big impact on my Mental Health. I'd be so resentful in your shoes.

What happens if someone buys you an ornament or cushion as a present and he doesn’t like it?

I try to involve DH in decor but basically he doesn’t care, can literally see him glazing over. Occasionally he comes home with an ornament or picture. Usually I can’t stand it but I try and find it somewhere and not in the downstairs loo.

Absolutely he does. And it was his house. It's decorated how I want it. He's not that bothered and it was a bland cream canvas when I got here. I occasionally ask him what he thinks. He doesn't wallpaper. I do. I do the painting and decor etc. He does 90% of the cooking and i do most housework as i wfh and we share the rest. I occasionally run things by him re big buys like our new furniture in the living room. And we would together buy a new bed or main settee... I have a new 2 seater in mustard coming for the snug on Wednesday though and he's never even seen a picture 🤣🤣
I'd be furious if he changed stuff I put in the house

Ps op it bled into other parts of the relationship until I woke up the other week and realised I’m not ‘allowed’ to do anything. Like living with a manager!!

I kind of wish DH had no interest in what we do with the house! He wants input on all the decisions, but almost never wants to have the conversation, doesn't remember it when we do (TBF, he almost certainly has ADHD like DS) and finds it really hard to make his mind up about things like curtains, lighting or tiles, but still won't leave it to me. Oh, and then changes his mind.

I have sometimes spent weeks having conversations about decor, finally agreed something, and when I remind him the decorator is coming, he doesn't want the colour we agreed on anymore. TBF again, last time he did that he actually made the right call because the colour we were thinking had suddenly become a bit of a cliched trend and we got something more timeless and blessedly unfashionable instead.

He claims he wants interesting decor but almost always chickens out when I suggest any strong colours.

But otherwise we at least have fairly similar tastes!

If your DH won’t ‘let’ you do anything, it’s time to rethink the relationship.

I know couples that couldn't agree so they divided up the rooms/areas and each decorated as they preferred for their 50% of them.

My DH is like this and I don’t really want to be with him anymore. He’s shrunk me into a joyless person.

Our bedroom is pink, because I wanted it pink, and we both love it. If DH had been adamant that he didn’t want pink we’d have had something else.

When we bought the house I really wanted a pink front door. I said so to MIL and DH said “you’re not having a pink front door” to which MIL replied “I bet she does…” We do have a pink front door, because no one else in the street has one and there were 4 with the same colour with the one DH wanted so he relented.

I have 3 other rooms that are blue. I chose those colours too.

Same. And 3 years in we still haven't chosen a light fixture for the living room.

Can you genuinely not see how completely fucked-up this is? You must, surely, understand that it’s not normal for a husband to simply not allow you to have anything that you like in your home? It’s horrifically controlling and I can’t believe you’re just passively accepting this. It’s awful.

He sounds like a controlling sexiest prick. What else doesn't he let you do? I'm assuming a huge backstory here.

For what it's worth none of the rooms in our house are blue or pink. We mostly decide together although I tend to get things like cushions / bedding without input.

He sounds more and more of an arse hole every time you write.

I run stuff past him and we agree on something. In the early days, his taste was rather suspect, and I had to work hard to find stuff we both liked. Over the years I’ve sort of trained him and his taste is now the same as mine.

He should at least compromise to find something you agree on too.

Another one for ' let' um he certainly wouldn't try to stop me even of he wanted to.

Tbh he doesn't care , honestly not even a tiny bit. I re paint/ decorate regularly. Especially the lounge and kids rooms. Lounge gets a fresh coat every 18m often a slight color change.
I could do it in black and white polkadot or neon and he wouldn't care.

He's never changed what I've done. Never said he don't like it.

This is me too, my DH doesnt care. I'd quite like his input!

I wouldnt put up with him preventing my input though!

Same! DH has no interest anyway. It's a good job I do, or nothing would ever get done!

Your user name sums up my house!

BTW I have 3 blue rooms in my house and I am very much a feminine woman. Just saying.

Let?!! This worries me. If you live together, you need equal say in these things (IF you both want that.) My dh isn't too bothered, but will give his input on big decisions when asked. I'm v conscious that he moved into my house which was my taste and always offer him choices, but I am very into it and have the ultimate say most of the time. Not everyone is as obsessive about interiors as me.

You clearly would like at least some say and are being given none. Going as far as to take back anything you buy that's deemed too feminine?! Wtf? I'd move out smartish, sod that.

Regardless of whose house it is on paper, and it may be both of yours anyway, it is your home as well as his! Who the hell does he think he is?!

I would be astonished if this rigid control of your environment didn't extend to other areas of your life. Even if it doesn't yet, this is a massive red flag.

I do what I like.

DH is actually an architect and so does have some good ideas but mine are always better 😉

if we were to split I wouldn’t change the decor. He probably would, but not dramatically.