Does your dh let you choose decor?

You're not really responding to the points people are making

You don't sound that bothered

Does he bully you in other ways?

Does he do it if you pay for it?

We're younger than you but similar. I like the house to look nice and he likes things to work.

I’m interested in interior design so I couldn’t stand not having a say. If you both care about the decor, then it should be a joint decision, which means he would need to compromise. If he won’t, then he sounds too selfish to be in a marriage/partnership and should probably be living on his own.

No he doesn't 'let me' do anything- we choose together. Isn't that what a partnership means?

I care very much how the house and garden look. My husband was an engineer and cares very much that everything functions properly and efficiently and he has reached the age ( 62) where he cares about the lawn. He doesn't care what anything looks like. All our money is pooled and shared. If its a small purchase (e.g duvet cover) then I choose it. He doesn't care and it doesn't need to be discussed. If its a bigger purchase ( sofa, £6,000 on curtains) then we discuss the budget and then I get on with choosing it. One of his many appealing qualities was that he wasn't interested in decor and I could do whatever I liked. It's a second marriage for me. I certainly wouldn't have married him if he wanted to control what things looked like.....I want to control that .

I can't wear pink/red because I flush quite easily and then I look all one colour. I still do sometimes if I like the clothes, but just not for anything where there'll be lots of photos!

I'm a bit jealous of DH because he has that complexion/colouring that can get away with every colour.

He sounds like a bore. Is there anything good about the relationship?

My dh would like to wear pink, or red. He really shouldn't. He is slightly florid of complexion and it clashes. I tend to say it best when I say nothing at all.

My DH will wear pink and everything. He looks good in it.

If anyone ever says anything to him he just says "real men can wear a colour without being scared of it" or "I'm comfortable with my sexuality, aren't you?".

It's just a colour. I prefer blue to pink (and I'm female, oooooh) but it's just a colour. I actually tend to go more for yellows, teals, greens, burnt orange etc. DH likes blue and bright. My DD announced yesterday her favourite is now green. Then immediately chose a pink dress.

Colours!

We choose things together. DP usually does all the research for larger things because I hate all the reading of reviews, which he likes doing. We always choose together though. Sometimes if I’m in Dunelm or similar and see something I like, I’d buy it and I think we have similar taste so I pretty sure he’d like it. If he didn’t like something I’d bought he honestly wouldn’t be bothered. I’ve never thought of it as he ‘lets’ me do anything, we’re a team.

I couldn't live with someone who 'let's me' do things. Or in this case 'Doesn't let you' have a say in your own home. He sounds very controlling and selfish to be honest

Ah, so it is possible then to teach them taste?!

DH still has very questionable choices. If it was down to him, our house would resemble a teenager's bedroom from the 1990s!

Thankfully he realises, so we have an agreement that he chooses the tech in the house and I choose the decor. In reality, the decorating is a joint decision led by me. He doesn't like our spare room wallpaper, but he's not actually bothered enough to suggest anything else and is happy I'm happy with it.

OP, you have a serious problem with your husband being controlling. It's a JOINT property, in which you both live. You deserve to show some of your personality in it as much as he does.

You need to be strong and put your foot down. If he doesn't like it, he knows where the door is, after all, he probably chose that himself too.

☝️this.
I'm worried about you OP. You are in an abusive relationship. Look at doing the freedom programme to understand more about how you are being abused. freedomprogramme.co.uk/search2.php

What is it with some men and the colour pink. Do they think if they look at it too long they'll become gay? Arseholes 🙄

Mr Figgs is happy to leave the decor to me but I still ask his opinion because he lives here too.

When I was feeling exceptionally generous, I would allow him to have a say.

Then I'd carry on with my original plan.

It feels like I’ve been transported back to the 1950’s or something. Even then I suspect the housewife’s of that era, had the majority of the say in most home decor choices.

Look up coercive control. Give it another 5 years and this sort of controlling behaviour will seep in to other areas of your life and chip away at you and your confidence. You aren’t a child and you are equally as entitled to choose how you want your home to look. If he can’t agree then I’d see if you can agree to decorate at least one room the way you’d like.

Personally I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone that treats me like a child. It’s irrelevant if sometimes choices go sideways, that’s life! It happens to everyone.

I used to live with a man like this, literally 'Sleeping With the Enemy' territory.
It was unbelievably liberating when I left.
He's unfairly suppressing your opinions to put it mildly OP.

But there's a whole range of colours that aren't blue and pink - maybe the two of you could find some compromise points e.g a yellow patterned blanket to go with the blue duvet cover.

My DH has no interest and I make decisions. I always run it by him and get his opinion. 90% of the time, he's happy to go along with what I choose.

My partner doesn’t “let” me do anything.

It was my house before he lived here but I had only finished decorating the living room, downstairs loo, my office, master bedroom and en-suite. Since he’s moved in he’s painted the sunroom the colour I wanted which he just so happened to like. I’ve done the dressing room head to toe in pink as I already had everything for it before he moved in, it’s a room he uses daily. We have jointly decided how the kitchen will be done but he’s taken the lead on it as he had a good idea that after discussion I also liked. Our daughter’s nursery was also a joint decision. I have no thoughts on the family bathroom so he will take the lead on it and we’ll discuss his ideas so that we’re both in agreement but he’s got good taste so I’ll probably just agree with him anyway.

As others have said your husband sounds very controlling and that’s a concern. It’s your home too.

What else does he not 'let' you do?

Just buy things like bedding and put it on the bed. Is he really going to strip it off and take it back??

Buy a vase just cos you like it. Or a mirror.

I choose most of ours cos DH isn't massively interested. But if he likes or wants something he just gets it and we find a place for it.

Do that.

I tend to do the research and present options (in other areas of our domestic life roles are reversed). But we discuss everything and if DH doesn't like would find an alternative. If I feel really strongly about something he tends to defer. But I would expect this to work both ways and it does - as I say in other areas he takes the lead.

I wouldn't want to live in a home where I had no input on how it looked and I'm concerned (you think?) your H would override you to the point of returning items you'd bought.

What do you mean let, you're a grown adult he doesn't own you and you don't need his permission and that goes both ways.