Does your dh let you choose decor?

95% of the contents of our house are mine, and DH doesn’t care. He’s just the passenger. I find that hard sometimes, but then I think of the opposite, and I feel rather fortunate.

Sorry @sunnymountains that's really sad and infuriating at the same time.

Point out removing it and refusing to use it, is the part that wastes money. What a bell end. He says you need to speak up more. I 100% would. Just point blank say next time he disagrees with you. 'You are wrong'. See what he says in reply.

For your own sake and the sake of your kids. Teach them to stand up for themselves.

What?

Your DH stopped you doing a hobby? Or wearing certain clothes? And you think that's normal?

If my DH and I had such opposing views we would never have gotten married. Because marriage isn't about "letting" the other do things. It's about being able to be yourself and grow individually and together.

I get a lot of "oh aren't you a cool wife" because it appears I "let" my DH do things he enjoys. But....why wouldn't I? Why would I want to stop him and have him be miserable?

My friend doesn't "let" her DH do things. He stays at work more often and has said he'd rather be there. There's no restrictions on my DH and do you know what he chooses to do with the majority of his time? Spend it with me and our family. And it goes both ways.

Errr your husband not letting you do your favourite sport because he’s worried about having to push your wheelchair if you injure yourself is totally insane.

No surprise that someone who would tolerate this thinks it’s fine to have zero control over your own environment.

In any case it’s pretty clear that the “letting” is all one way in OP’s relationship.

I think your posts are making you see something you hadn't put together before @sunnymountains

I agree with PPs that he sounds very controlling and childish. No grown up would have a stubborn "I'm not sleeping under that" moment about a duvet cover they didn't like.

It's up to you what you do with this revelation, but I'd suggest you need a very honest conversation with your husband and seek counselling.

My husband likes to share input and wouldn’t be happy if I decorated without asking his opinion, but he’s not got very strong tastes and doesn’t really care about interior decorating, so it’s more of the idea that he’s contributing than anything else.

I’m actually hoping that this is all made up, because it sounds too awful to be real.

DH doesn't 'let' me do anything- I do whatever I choose to do.

Are you a SAHM?

Very strange comments - what do you mean 'lets you'? I think everything in marriage is about 'letting the other person' or not. I don't let my dh smoke because I was open I am not going to look after him when he is crippled because of smoking when old. My husband does not let me do my favourite sport, for the same reason - no elderly person wants to push the other elderly person in a wheelchair just because they had a dodgy sporting hobby or smoked. He does not let me wear my favourite fur (he is vegetarian) and I don't let him go fishing in dodgy countries. About your decor - just leave it - reading about so many MN dilemmas relating to husbands - STIs, mistresses, co-sharing beds with children, going to bed in unwashed chef's uniform, regularly cheating, hating in-laws and being effectively cock-lodgers, why are you even bothered about decor?????

OP, he doesn't need to like the colour of bedding to sleep in it. My DH has slept in our DDs pink fairy bedding because she was poorly and in with us, and it made more sense for him to go in her bed.

The fact that he would get cross over the colour or pattern of a duvet is not a good sign.

You need to be allowed to have things that brings you joy in your life. Does he add any joy? Or just remove it?

I pick everything re decor…..DP just says whatever you want is fine by me….don’t think he can be arsed really….but that suits me fine….he chooses the plants in the garden mainly though….although if I wanted something he would get it

Why has he never pushed the pram?!

I agree that your latest update is chilling. A deeply controlling, selfish man who is never happy. Has this behaviour gradually escalated? Unfortunately, men like this can turn out to be dangerous. I would get advice from the Police and Women’s Aid, but whatever you do, don’t let him find out that you’ve done this.

Saw all, didn't RTFT. Has anyone said LTB?

There’s only room for one creative in my home - I have the vision, DP thankfully has the practical skills to bring it to life. It works for us as I guess we’re both responsible for any redecoration.

He sounds awful. Ugh.

My DH and I decide together on larger decorating matters (paint colours, sofas, etc.). Neither of us has the final say. Fortunately, our tastes are similar so we tend to agree easily. For smaller things like bedding or ornaments, we don't really have a discussion, each of us buys what we like. He has bought a few things that I don't really care for (and I'm sure I have done the same) but that's no big deal.

My DH couldn't even tell you what our duvet cover looks like. Your arrogant DH needs to understand that you both get a say.

he'll be cross it was a waste of money then so would take it off and refuse to sleep in it.

He gets cross because you’ve bought bedding he doesn’t like???

And he refuses to sleep in it???

WTAF OP this isn’t normal!!

Why don’t you tell him to grow up and stop acting like a childish brat over bedding - I’m guessing it’s because you’re actually a bit afraid of standing up to him.

We pretty much chose everything together. Some extra touches have been bought by me over the years but we definitely have always chosen paint together and actually done all the decorating together . I don’t think that is ok OP- you share the space . I’d just get home to go away for the weekend and redecorate!

Agree with this, at the least call women's aid. I feel from your response that you are quite taken aback by the responses but I promise you that it's not ok for your DH to be this controlling. What do you friends and family make of him? Has anyone else ever raised any concerns with how he is with you?

OP it sounds like you've lost yourself in this oppressive situation.
He sounds like he's controlling everything. Spells unhappiness for you at the very least. His attitude to you as an individual with equally valid opinions is worrying and sounds like it's a permanent state of affairs, no matter how small the decision. That's very wrong. Your description of how he behaves is disturbing.
What do you get out of this relationship? Is he likely to change or get worse? Please consider where this could end up.

My Dad had little to no interest in choosing decor and DH is the same, but FIL was the one who took charge over MIL. To be honest, I think men who are interested in it are odd-balls.

He's abusing you. Call Women's Aid asap.