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Original poster

Does your dh let you choose decor?

363 replies

sunnymountains · 22/08/2024 17:18

From bed covers to wall paint, furniture, curtains, cushions dh will choose the lot and with no pink or anything remotely feminine everything is blue or very male looking.
I grew up with my mum mainly choosing the home furnishings but then my dad had no interest in anything like that so was happy to leave her to it and wouldn't have noticed anything different anyway.
I do think it's nice he takes an interest but I'd like some input, every room in our house is blue and masculine looking and as a woman I'd like some of my own touches.
Is this a bit unusual?

OP posts:
HotCrossBunplease · 22/08/2024 17:33

Let’s say you buy an ornament and put it on a shelf. What does he do, throw it in the bin?

Original poster
sunnymountains · 22/08/2024 17:33

celandiney · 22/08/2024 17:27

So does the house feel like your home at all?
My DH doesn't have strong opinions about our decor so I do it and love doing it. But if he did have strong feelings we'd talk about it and compromise.
It is your home as well as his, he shouldn't be feeling he can dictate every colour and detail.

No it doesn't feel like home, partly because it doesn't look like a woman lives there.
I'd like some sort of feminine energy to it.

OP posts:
Thinkingabouttherapy · 22/08/2024 17:31

Op your tone is very odd. @MrTwatchester may be right about a reverse.

SquirrelBlue · 22/08/2024 17:31

sunnymountains · 22/08/2024 17:27

No we moved into our house together and had a family.
He was like this with the pram too that he's never pushed but had to choose.

Show quote history

He's never pushed the pram?? Of his own child??
So he controls the decor and completely ignores your opinion even though you live there too; and he's a useless parent.
Does he have any good points? 🤔

Flyonthewall01 · 22/08/2024 17:29

why is he so focused on things being 100% masculine? Is he afraid if he has a pink cushion he will be propositioned by a man?

InTheRainOnATrain · 22/08/2024 17:29

It’s a problem if he picks everything but actually you would like some input and don’t necessarily like his choices. His opinion shouldn’t count for more than yours.

DH and I choose together. We’re actually chill about most other things, like I bought the family car with no input from him whatsoever, but interiors are a thing for both of us so it’s 2 yeses one no in our house! As it happens we both like pink so that’s good, we actually have a pink bathroom. Florals he can’t stand so we don’t have any. We’re both very happy with the house and feel it reflects both of us.

MrTwatchester · 22/08/2024 17:28

If this isn't a reverse I'll eat my kilim cushions.

Return Of The Jedi Episode 6 GIF by Star Wars
TheShellBeach · 22/08/2024 17:27

OP your husband sounds very controlling.

Original poster
sunnymountains · 22/08/2024 17:27

Thinkingabouttherapy · 22/08/2024 17:23

Did you move into the bachelor house that he was living in already? Are you a SAHM with no income? Even if both apply, it’s still unacceptable. You should both have input into your living space? He sounds very selfish & domineering.

No we moved into our house together and had a family.
He was like this with the pram too that he's never pushed but had to choose.

OP posts:
YYURYYUCICYYUR4ME · 22/08/2024 17:27

I lead on decorating, but we discuss options and generally go with my suggestions. However, if something is a definite no, then it is dropped off the list. Has to be something we both love and can live with and he trusts my choices, just because I can visualise the finished effect and he struggles with this. Everyday items I just go for it, big decoration issues we discuss and agree.

celandiney · 22/08/2024 17:27

So does the house feel like your home at all?
My DH doesn't have strong opinions about our decor so I do it and love doing it. But if he did have strong feelings we'd talk about it and compromise.
It is your home as well as his, he shouldn't be feeling he can dictate every colour and detail.

TheShellBeach · 22/08/2024 17:27

We decide together.

I wouldn't like our marriage to have one partner who dismisses the other's opinion.

Mmmkaay · 22/08/2024 17:26

sunnymountains · 22/08/2024 17:24

Yes if he thought it looked feminine and if I bought some cushions or something he'd return them for some he wanted.
Even a small ornament.

Show quote history

Is he like this in other aspects of your relationship or is he just very picky about interiors?

DancingDolly · 22/08/2024 17:26

First post nailed it

Ponderingwindow · 22/08/2024 17:25

He claims I can do whatever I want with the house. However, when I go to actually do something, he makes it very clear he hates the idea and that I can’t possibly do what I had planned.

it took us years to agree on a shade of paint for our bedroom even though I quickly acquiesced and agreed to his general color. He was eventually arguing against himself and it still took months.

CandiedPrincess · 22/08/2024 17:25

Nobody "lets me" do anything in my own house!

HelloMiss · 22/08/2024 17:25

Have you tried standing up to this man?

GoodVibesHere · 22/08/2024 17:25

My DH is similar to yours OP. We've lived together for over 20 years now, and I have become a bit more forthright as time has gone on but he likes things 'plain' so doesn't like anything floral for example even cushions, bedding or pictures on the wall. I have started to buy slightly more feminine items as time has gone on.

StonwEd · 22/08/2024 17:25

How odd. We discuss things and decide together. Sometimes one of us gets our own way over the other but generally we agree on the final outcome and as a result have a house that is decorated to both our tastes.
Never ever ever would either of us overrule the other, that’s really worrying behaviour.

Butterflyfern · 22/08/2024 17:24

We discuss together, but tbh I care more than he does, so tend to "win". Only because he looses interest through.

So we'll agree to decorate X room. I say, I quite fancy this or this. He'll say, I don't like one of those, the other is ok, but not sure about an aspect. So I'll take that into account, spend weeks thinking and looking at things, show him again and he'll be like "sure whatever you want"!

We do the actual work together though, and he always tells me it looks great when we're done. (Whilst admitting he couldn't imagine what it was going to look like!)

Thinkingabouttherapy · 22/08/2024 17:24

sunnymountains · 22/08/2024 17:24

Yes if he thought it looked feminine and if I bought some cushions or something he'd return them for some he wanted.
Even a small ornament.

Show quote history

And how do you react when this happens?

hereismydog · 22/08/2024 17:24

‘Let’?! No, we just have a normal discussion where one of us will say “I’m thinking X for this room, what do you reckon?”

But we had a conversation when we bought our house that I could do what I liked in the house and he could do what he liked in the garden. So we have a lot of pink in the house 🤭

Original poster
sunnymountains · 22/08/2024 17:24

Mmmkaay · 22/08/2024 17:22

So if you were to paint a room, he'd paint straight over it?! Without a conversation?

Yes if he thought it looked feminine and if I bought some cushions or something he'd return them for some he wanted.
Even a small ornament.

OP posts:
JaydeeeeP · 22/08/2024 17:24

Is he controlling in other ways too?

DisforDarkChocolate · 22/08/2024 17:23

I pick any order nearly everything, I might run something past him occasionally. It's not that he's not bothered he's just less bothered than me, hence the ugly grey wall he picked in the kitchen is now a beautiful pink.

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