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Original poster

Does your dh let you choose decor?

363 replies

sunnymountains · 22/08/2024 17:18

From bed covers to wall paint, furniture, curtains, cushions dh will choose the lot and with no pink or anything remotely feminine everything is blue or very male looking.
I grew up with my mum mainly choosing the home furnishings but then my dad had no interest in anything like that so was happy to leave her to it and wouldn't have noticed anything different anyway.
I do think it's nice he takes an interest but I'd like some input, every room in our house is blue and masculine looking and as a woman I'd like some of my own touches.
Is this a bit unusual?

OP posts:
EBoo80 · 22/08/2024 17:47

My DH has views on home decor, and quite different taste from me. So we together discuss decisions and come to compromises, or take turns on getting our way. Surely that’s what a relationship means?

Flowerlamp1 · 22/08/2024 17:46

We discuss and make decisions together. Im probably more proactive in researching and coming up with ideas, but its an equal decision

Thepeopleversuswork · 22/08/2024 17:46

Didimum · 22/08/2024 17:42

I think posters are being a bit OTT with the word ‘let’ 🙄 It’s not a feminist manifesto and it’s not that deep. It’s shorthand for him agreeing for you to do what you like. And yes, if the home is jointly owned it should be a mutual agreement.

DH and I discuss things together, but it’s usually mainly my ideas as he’s less creative and visual.

It is pretty deep to me. I don’t need to get permission to do anything from my partner. And yeah it’s a feminist thing and what’s wrong with that?

Particularly if he’s a twat whose primary concern is not to acquire anything which another small minded arsehole could interpret as “feminine”.

Pippatpip · 22/08/2024 17:46

Are you also barefoot and in the kitchen? Do you also have kids that he has insisted you breast feed? The whole decorating thing is not normal. The whole not including you or listening to you is not normal. If this is just about decoration and he has many other redeeming features which could cancel or go someway towards explaining why you are with him, then potentially a quirk of personality. Did he also choose the hoover, washing machine and other kitchen appliances that he never uses? What are you allowed to do?

Whynottrythis · 22/08/2024 17:45

We try and find things we both like, but it's a struggle a lot of the time because we have very different tastes in decor.

We have compromised mostly, but he gave me free reign in the nursery and playroom, and he had free reign in the study.

I wouldn't be happy if he did it all, unless his taste matched mine and he was very talented at interior design.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 22/08/2024 17:45

My DH and I discuss it, come to an agreement, and then I go out and buy exactly what I want, and he rolls his eyes and mutters under his breath as he paints the walls Barbie pink. (I know that deep down inside he doesn't really care and will be happy if I'm happy.)

mynameiscalypso · 22/08/2024 17:44

I bet this is the tip of a very large iceberg

Dotto · 22/08/2024 17:44

Why do you accept this?

vodkaredbullgirl · 22/08/2024 17:44

Thank god I'm single and choose what I like.

Op he sounds controlling.

Merryoldgoat · 22/08/2024 17:43

My DH came home from work one day and I’d wallpapered the hall without telling him. 🤷🏾‍♀️

LaughingElderberry · 22/08/2024 17:43

It sounds like you have bigger problems than decor, OP.

Your H sounds horribly controlling.

Didimum · 22/08/2024 17:42

I think posters are being a bit OTT with the word ‘let’ 🙄 It’s not a feminist manifesto and it’s not that deep. It’s shorthand for him agreeing for you to do what you like. And yes, if the home is jointly owned it should be a mutual agreement.

DH and I discuss things together, but it’s usually mainly my ideas as he’s less creative and visual.

Skyrainlight · 22/08/2024 17:42

sunnymountains · 22/08/2024 17:24

Yes if he thought it looked feminine and if I bought some cushions or something he'd return them for some he wanted.
Even a small ornament.

Show quote history

Why on earth did you marry him?

Thepeopleversuswork · 22/08/2024 17:42

I wouldn’t be with someone who believed he had to give me permission to do what I like with my money in my home.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 22/08/2024 17:42

We decide together.
We look at things until we find stuff we both like.

Autumnismyfavouritetimeofyear · 22/08/2024 17:42

If one person does not want to have input, this is an ok approach. But it does not work for you - he needs to work on compromising with you to find something you both like.

MurdoMunro · 22/08/2024 17:41

Succinct and to the point @llamajohn. Yup.

llamajohn · 22/08/2024 17:41

sunnymountains · 22/08/2024 17:27

No we moved into our house together and had a family.
He was like this with the pram too that he's never pushed but had to choose.

Show quote history

Controlling sexist arse hole

Skyrainlight · 22/08/2024 17:41

"let me"? Our relationship is equal, he doesn't let me do anything, there would be a huge explosion if he tried to control me that way. We discuss the décor and paint colours and agree together.

llamajohn · 22/08/2024 17:40

sunnymountains · 22/08/2024 17:24

Yes if he thought it looked feminine and if I bought some cushions or something he'd return them for some he wanted.
Even a small ornament.

Show quote history

He sounds like a fucking arse hole

MurdoMunro · 22/08/2024 17:40

We choose together. He puts more thought into kitchen and bathroom things I suppose, I probably make more choices in the garden but we’d still chat it over. There is nothing in my life that he ‘let’s’ me do, not a single thing. We make compromises if there’s something he wants to have/do that’s not my thing and vice versa.

Tizerry · 22/08/2024 17:39

how do you feel now OP after reading all these replies?

he doesn't sound a nice partner at all, why does he think he's in charge of you and all of the decor

CrushingOnRubies · 22/08/2024 17:36

We tend to do it together. What that means is In reality is I whittle options down to 5 or or 6 I like and then he chooses the one he like out of those 9/10 times luckily he chooses the one I really like 😄

HotCrossBunplease · 22/08/2024 17:35

What is odd is that you must surely know that this level of domineering control over the home environment is unusual. You haven’t really come here to ask if it’s normal, it’s a cry for help.

ChristmasPostman · 22/08/2024 17:33

If this is true OP, you are an unusually passive person. That wouldn’t suit me at all, I care about how my house looks but if you’re happy to go along with his control freakery then it’s no one else’s business but the two of yours is it? It is odd though.