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Original poster

Does your dh let you choose decor?

363 replies

sunnymountains · 22/08/2024 17:18

From bed covers to wall paint, furniture, curtains, cushions dh will choose the lot and with no pink or anything remotely feminine everything is blue or very male looking.
I grew up with my mum mainly choosing the home furnishings but then my dad had no interest in anything like that so was happy to leave her to it and wouldn't have noticed anything different anyway.
I do think it's nice he takes an interest but I'd like some input, every room in our house is blue and masculine looking and as a woman I'd like some of my own touches.
Is this a bit unusual?

OP posts:
LuluBlakey1 · 22/08/2024 17:56

sunnymountains · 22/08/2024 17:18

From bed covers to wall paint, furniture, curtains, cushions dh will choose the lot and with no pink or anything remotely feminine everything is blue or very male looking.
I grew up with my mum mainly choosing the home furnishings but then my dad had no interest in anything like that so was happy to leave her to it and wouldn't have noticed anything different anyway.
I do think it's nice he takes an interest but I'd like some input, every room in our house is blue and masculine looking and as a woman I'd like some of my own touches.
Is this a bit unusual?

I always discuss it with him and he sometimes has good ideas but I sort it all out.

Krumblina · 22/08/2024 17:56

sunnymountains · 22/08/2024 17:48

I suppose he does sound quite controlling, he would expect me to run anything by him first and usually vetoes anything I like and go with his preference.
I think because it was the opposite to what I grew up with it seems strange to me that he's so invested in everything but I think he wants everything in his own style which is very man style and I often see things I like in maybe pink or something more feminine by that I mean not something a man would choose and it's instantly dismissed for example if I pick something up in pink, he'll pick up a blue one and say that's not too bad but I don't want pink.

How is he returning things you've bought? Do you give him the receipt?
We choose decor together. It's both of our homes.
I've never known a man be so into blue Vs pink being man and woman. Usually that's just about baby clothes

LondonFox · 22/08/2024 17:56

sunnymountains · 22/08/2024 17:20

That sounds good but he would undo it and choose what he wanted.

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Just buy a big bucket of pink paint and mess around any surface he dares to repaint after you originally painted it.
Tell him not to fucking touch your fluffy pink cushions.

Tnh I would not be able to live with someine not ready to compromise. I usually start a war as soon as someone is telling me what I "must" do 🤣

Aquamarine1029 · 22/08/2024 17:55

Your husband is awful, op, and I wonder why on earth you're still married to him. I'm guessing you're starting to wonder this yourself.

Original poster
sunnymountains · 22/08/2024 17:55

I would like more of my own touch in the house it looks very much his house.

OP posts:
Georgyporky · 22/08/2024 17:54

Never pushes the pram ?
Does he do anything regarding the baby - other than impregnate you ?

Hydenseek78 · 22/08/2024 17:54

He's treating you like a child and he's the patent, his house his rules! Does he even like you? I get not wanting everything to be pink and frilly but come on he's living in his bachelor pad. Like hell would my husband pick out the pram when I'm the one with the baby 24/7 you're being a door mat, take back your home, I would have knocked that crap on the head years ago.

fortheveryfirsttime · 22/08/2024 17:54

... much of a partnership to me.

We decide stuff together. Or he says he doesn't care and I choose. 😄

StrawberrySlime · 22/08/2024 17:54

Your husband sounds like an arse.

We decide things together, we have different styles so if we each decorated a house on our own they would look very different. But as we share a house, we compromise and most of the house is decorated in a way both of us like, even if it wouldn't all be our first choice.
And his hideous horror film posters all live in in his office and my "weird & kitschy" fruit posters go in the kids bathroom.

coldcallerbaiter · 22/08/2024 17:54

I choose and do the research but I would ask his opinion and he can come with me to a showroom or look at it online. If he hated it, I would not do it.

prettybluebell · 22/08/2024 17:53

We make the decisions together. Sometimes I want something that he's not so keen on and he'll agree and vice versa. We compromise alot. It's not fair that you don't have any say in the home you both live in. You need to talk to him and put your own personal touch on your home.

FlannelShirt · 22/08/2024 17:53

Has he never heard of the word compromise? Aka the thing relationships need to be healthy?

fortheveryfirsttime · 22/08/2024 17:53

Doesn't sound like much

ElaineMBenes · 22/08/2024 17:52

What does he think will happen if he has something 'feminine' in the house ?

Tiswa · 22/08/2024 17:52

He doesn’t sound quite controlling he sounds very controlling and clearly overrules you so you don’t feel comfortable in your own home

pizzaHeart · 22/08/2024 17:51

sunnymountains · 22/08/2024 17:24

Yes if he thought it looked feminine and if I bought some cushions or something he'd return them for some he wanted.
Even a small ornament.

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How could he return them without receipt?

Jc2001 · 22/08/2024 17:51

sunnymountains · 22/08/2024 17:24

Yes if he thought it looked feminine and if I bought some cushions or something he'd return them for some he wanted.
Even a small ornament.

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Have you ever thought about discussing it before you decorate and come to some sort of agreement on something you both like?

Aquamarine1029 · 22/08/2024 17:51

sunnymountains · 22/08/2024 17:20

That sounds good but he would undo it and choose what he wanted.

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So why don't you do the same? Who died and made him the ruler of your world?

saltinesandcoffeecups · 22/08/2024 17:51

We do it together… I buy things like sheets and blankets but any big stuff (paint/furniture) we figure out together. He buys all of our kitchen stuff like pots and pans, but we bought dishes together. I tend to buy light fixtures, but he gets a say out of the options I’ve picked.

llamajohn · 22/08/2024 17:50

sunnymountains · 22/08/2024 17:48

I suppose he does sound quite controlling, he would expect me to run anything by him first and usually vetoes anything I like and go with his preference.
I think because it was the opposite to what I grew up with it seems strange to me that he's so invested in everything but I think he wants everything in his own style which is very man style and I often see things I like in maybe pink or something more feminine by that I mean not something a man would choose and it's instantly dismissed for example if I pick something up in pink, he'll pick up a blue one and say that's not too bad but I don't want pink.

So, what happens if you say "no, let's get the pink"?

What happens with bigger decisions, like the house you bought, the car, how your child is raised ... ?

MrTiddlesTheCat · 22/08/2024 17:50

sunnymountains · 22/08/2024 17:48

I suppose he does sound quite controlling, he would expect me to run anything by him first and usually vetoes anything I like and go with his preference.
I think because it was the opposite to what I grew up with it seems strange to me that he's so invested in everything but I think he wants everything in his own style which is very man style and I often see things I like in maybe pink or something more feminine by that I mean not something a man would choose and it's instantly dismissed for example if I pick something up in pink, he'll pick up a blue one and say that's not too bad but I don't want pink.

What would happen if you refused the blue one and insisted on the pink?

hopeishere · 22/08/2024 17:49

Generally I decide. I redid a room a while back and picked everything. He was happy how it turned out.

I bought a sofa for the kitchen and didn't tell him until he was delivered! He agrees it looks great.

I'll tell him what I'm planning. Him and DS vetoed my plan to paint the kitchen pink.

SuperGreens · 22/08/2024 17:48

My ex husband was like this, had to make all the decisions and I was a SAHM at the time so had no agency (or money) to challenge him. Even made me give away a beautiful bedset id bought because it had pink on it.

Note the 'ex' - which is something he deeply regrets, and I do not. Now my home is decorated exactly to my taste, and he always remarks how lovely it looks and he had no idea I had an interior design talent ConfusedGrin

ThisBlueCrab · 22/08/2024 17:48

My DH doesn't "let" me do anything. He is not the boss.

Decisions are metal and discussed. If anything I could chose to pull rank as the house is wholly mine. He makes no financial contributions towards mortgage or maintenance and should we divorce he gets nothing (prenup all legal). However, it is our shared home and we decide together.

You have bigger issues than decor @sunnymountains

Original poster
sunnymountains · 22/08/2024 17:48

I suppose he does sound quite controlling, he would expect me to run anything by him first and usually vetoes anything I like and go with his preference.
I think because it was the opposite to what I grew up with it seems strange to me that he's so invested in everything but I think he wants everything in his own style which is very man style and I often see things I like in maybe pink or something more feminine by that I mean not something a man would choose and it's instantly dismissed for example if I pick something up in pink, he'll pick up a blue one and say that's not too bad but I don't want pink.

OP posts: