Does your dh let you choose decor?

OP, you're living with an incredibly controlling man. Are you saying he insisted on choosing the pram but didn't actually push the pram?

What's he like with you normally? Does he do his share of chores? Are your finances fair? What about sex - it's hard to imagine he's good in bed, to be honest, but would you say he's a generous lover?

Bollocks to that OP. My DH has lots of expensive hobbies, mine is the house. If I want green walls, Barker & Stonehouse furniture and fresh flowers I have them. His only input that I compromise on is his chair reclines and the TV is bigger than I would like.

I spend more time at home, I clean it and I arrange maintenance. He’s happy for me to lead and doesn’t really have any interest in what I pick.

More to the point he wouldn’t dream of controlling this part of our lives. Or any part for that matter.

Do you pay towards the house?
It's not just his home it's yours too.

You need to come to a compromise on the decor.

I ask for my DH's opinion but ultimately unless he really dislikes it I buy what I like.

What??

Big stuff we decide together, though DP usually defers to my judgement as he thinks I have a better eye. I don’t run minor decorative additions past him.

What would happen if you said you really, really wanted navy? Would he suddenly fancy something a bit softer?

He sounds absolutely horrible.

I ask DH his opinion but he knows perfectly well I don't care.

Well I do care a bit, but he will for example get the choice of 1 of 2 chairs I have shortlisted, in the fabric of my choice.

I wouldn't do something he hated but he also knows I care a lot more about this stuff than he does.

I like your tone! I’m raising my glass to your next phase of life

It’s just different people’s interests really. My husband has no interest in interior decor or anything and so leaves that all to me, but then I have no interest in the 5 million different types of plants and grass seed he has going on in the garden, or any interest in particular cars etc so he makes the decisions on those things.

If we had similar interests though and both wanted to be involved & have an input then we’d make decisions together, for example holidays- we both decide.

Ok, that’s got more red flags than a parade in Tienamen Square.

My DH doesn’t ‘let me’ do anything because I don’t need his permission. He doesn’t need mine either. We’d usually make choices together.

There’s no way on God’s green earth you should be treated like this, OP. You are an adult in your own home, not a toddler to be corrected. Have you heard of the Freedom Programme?

Are you scared of your husband OP?

What a miserable life. Is it blue-ba-de-Dee-ba-de-dah in his blue house?

Lol, I'm the DH... I don't really get a say.

So if you pick up pink and he prefers the blue what happens if you say 'No, I don't like blue, what about going with green'. Do you ever stand up to him and say 'no, I think we need some pink as a contrast to all the blue, we always buy your favourite colour, today I'd like us to buy my favourite colour'.

The pram suggests this is not restricted to interior design. Does he comment negatively on your clothes or hairstyle? Does he choose your meals in a restaurant? Who decides where you go for days or nights out? Who chose your childrens names? Do you have your own money or is it all shared decided by him.

Regardless of the cringing gender stereotypes (no pink or florals in my house - am I a man then?) the way some women are just default deferential is baffling.

OP, you don't have a decor problem, you have a major DH problem.

You have no choice and no voice in your relationship. As others have said your husband is controlling you and you have accepted it. Why?

If you have been on mumsnet even just for a few days, you will see from the numerous threads that a relationship should be one of respect for each other and making decisions together that affect you both.

The fact that your husband only ensured your home is decorated to his taste and you have absolutely no input and that he even decided on the pram that you had to use, is very, very sad indeed.

Please start making use of the advice and support on this thread to stand up for yourself and ensure that your voice is heard and opinions considered and used.

If you can't change him, you need to change by leaving the relationship and find someone who cherishes your thoughts and views equally alongside their own.

Is he like this with your clothes? Or the DC’s?

@sunnymountains

That sounds so demoralising. I have been on MN for a zillion years and thought I'd heard it all. This is batshit.

What is your financial set up?
Does he control the money/do you have to ask to spend?
Do you have your own money?

What has he said when you've mentioned this to him?

Yes, I've got one like that here at the moment. 35 bloody years of his ignoring my choices unless they happen to suit him anyway. Seriously thinking of binning him, he's too much of a control freak and the negatives of staying outweigh the postives of leaving, to me. The prospect of starting again on my own at the age of 70 is invigorating, I've had enough of this shit now!

No-one 'lets' me do anything, I'm a grown woman paying half the mortgage. It's my house.

He doesn't really mind so generally I choose, it's not massively feminine because that's not my style but it's definitely more my taste than his. He's vetoed a few more unusual things over the years, that's all.

Does he restrict what you do in other ways, OP?

Have you said this to him? What is his response if so?

My husband isn't really interested, he knows I wouldn't go too "out there" anyway!

We choose paint / wallpaper together, but everything else I let DP have the last word on. I just care less about it than she does.

Mostly he has no vision for the finish, won't do any research and has absolutely no DIY skills so I do it. I try to respect that he's much more conservative than I am and listen for things he mentions he likes so I can include him in the space too. Occasionally he has an opinion I just can't get behind or buys something that just doesn't work in a space and we clash over something relatively small that seems big.

You do have to try and compromise if you respect your partner and want them to be happy in a space too.

Not in OP’s scenario, but the word ‘let’ in general when used to simply describe something agreeing they don’t have an issue with X, Y or Z.

Echo above posters. We kind of mutually agree if it'sa major change to decor. If I see something or want to do something, I'll do it and vice versa. It helps we're pretty similiar in regards to decor and stuff.
To return what you say could be even a small ornament you liked, if he didn't like it or was too feminine is a bit mad in all honesty.