Does your dh let you choose decor?

What about other aspects of your marriage, if you chose a restaurant to go to or a film for you both to see? Does he change those choices? Things you might decide for the children?

This

Our bedroom is all black! Carpet, blinds, curtains, bed and wallpaper. I like quite dark gothic things. DH hates it and likes bright colours. I’m not having a canary yellow bedroom for anyone. I do all the decorating, if he hates it that much he can change it himself. Suffice to say he can’t be arsed so it will be black forever.
He does like to joke that it’s all black like my soul! 😂

In our house DH has an opinion but I'm the one that puts the hours in putting together a scheme so it's mainly my ideas but always discussed and he has power of veto. Although he doesn't veto much after the great drinks cabinet discussion of 2005-6. That was when he disliked my first choice then kept saying no to every alternative I suggested until he eventually said 'what we need is something exactly like your first choice but not your first choice' so I went and bought my first choice and 18 years later it's still looking great and he accepts I was right. If he'd gone away and come up with a better alternative then we'd have discussed that (which he did once for a bathroom mirror and we bought his choice because it was perfect).

Do you have a preference? If you voiced it, could you compromise?

We're having an on and off battle here been rumbling on for five years because he wants a kitchen extension. Which means demolished a lovely conservatory, taking over the garden.

The reason I'm refusing is because while it's all going on he'll run away like a headless chicken. He thinks we can get a kitchen for 5k. In reality it's going to cost around 100k for the project because it will have to be suspended because of the slope of the garden.

When we moved here he did zero I handled solicitors, estate agents, removals, packing, disposing of furniture, books etc he cleaned out his shed 🙄

Choosing colour scheme and flooring is exhausting enough

Sorry but he sounds dreadful. I'm an interior designer but myself and husband still choose furnishings and decor together. I wouldn't dream of not 'letting' him.

I’d say I take the lead, generally my husband really likes what I chose, some big things we pick together, however I don’t want to make the house pink , it’s neither masculine or feminine.

I wonder if this is he’s controlling or he really dislikes your taste. Even if he does he should compromise.

You're just coming across as a total doormat 😕 do you ever challenge him? Stand up to him? Let him know you are his equal and he doesn't control you or have any final decision on anything by himself?

I agree this issue is far bigger than home decor. He sounds controlling and abusive.

I couldnt be less interested (woman). DH chooses three options that he likes and I choose the ones I like the best. But we always both agree.

@sunnymountains You need to stand up for yourself now.

Do you work and contribute to the mortgage? Did any of the deposit monies come from your own savings?

(I am not saying that if the answer is no, you should just do as he says. However if the answer is yes, this gives you a stronger case to argue that you should have a say in the decor).

Came to say this.

We have similar minimalist taste, so we decorate together. I hate pink, florals and feminine stuff. But if we didn't, I would expect a compromise.

Sounds like he's a controlling bastard to me! Why the hell do you need his permission to do anything? Do you need to 'let' him?

"it's instantly dismissed for example if I pick something up in pink, he'll pick up a blue one and say that's not too bad but I don't want pink."

Veto his blue cushion, stop being so passive about it and talk to him about how he would feel if everything in the house was pink and reflected only your taste? My parents were like this but they were Catholic and married in the 1960s so didn't live together before marriage otherwise I don't think they would have got married they were so different.

we discuss what we like put up samples and choose together- maybe compromise.
I usually have more ideas but he is willing to listen and I would hate to impose something

Yes, whenever he has a say, it is alway a dumb idea like the walk-in shower that’s too small so water sprays everywhere etc.

@sunnymountains you reading this??

Good luck @Jaichangecentfoisdenom

Your DH sounds incredibly controlling and unpleasant.

DH doesn't really care about how the house is decorated so I tend to pick everything, but he really hated something then I'd listen.

My DH doesn't really have much of a interest in home decor and mostly let's me get on with it. Saying that, I always show him to get his opinion on it as I suppose its his house too. On the rare occasion he doesn't like something then we will compromise on something we both like.

Your DH seems abit controlling in that aspect. I would find it extremely disrespectful to have my opinions disregarded like that.

Your replies here are very robotic and monotone, OP-are you ok? There's never been a man in my life that 'let' me do things besides my father and school teachers. I think there's far more things going on than choice of decor

The whole pink/blue thing you’ve got going on is weird, you do both know that other colours exist?! We don’t have anything pink or blue in our house.
I don’t ask my DH’s permission regarding things I want to buy for our house. I tend to take the lead with decorating but would, for example, ask him if he liked a particular pair of curtains. If he had strong feelings against them we’d choose a new pair together, but I don’t think he’s ever hated anything I’ve chosen.

My exDH was very interested in design and decorative arts so it was always a long and tedious negotiation.
He would never "take over" or insist.

If my dh returned something i chose and changed every bit of decor to his style only he'd live in a bachelor pad because I would no longed be there.