Would you be happy with this?

It isn't that he can't afford to, he can but as it was an expensive item I just took it for what it is.
That makes it even worse in my eyes. He can afford it but he's still punishing you because he "had" to spend his money.

It seems he's really done a number on you so congratulations on starting to see that he isn't that nice a person and what he is doing isn't normal. I wish you well in your escape to normality and freedom. When you get time I suggest you download the free pdf of Lundy Bancroft's Why does he do that? Very eye opening.

Honestly, he really is a dickhead for doing this.

I hate the game playing and tit for tat often suggested on MN but this is ridiculously selfish.

Perhaps you should suggest that as it was such a stretch you’ll both stop present buying except for the kids until he feels more financially comfortable again.

He's an absolute dick.
He can't take the money back from a present he bought you two years ago! It's yours.
Sell it and put the money towards that deposit OP.

The whole thing is really shit of him, but the no Mother's Day present is really sad because it's about the kids as much as you.
My ex was useless and my kids used to get stressed and feel sad before Mother's day and my birthday because they didn't have anything to give me when they were too little to do it themselves. If course I told them it didn't matter, but they love giving me a present and card.

This is the best news I've read from you OP!! It's SO good to see that you actually realise that this behaviour isn't right, and that you're no longer prepared to put up with it. Please come back and tell us when you're preparing to make the move, so that we can offer you support. Meanwhile, treat the selfish git with the contempt that he obviously feels for you. Sending a supportive hug your way.

Good for you. If you sold the present you would have it a little bit quicker 😉 To be honest having to insure yours is a waste of money if work will do it for theirs anyway. It's just an all round faff and money pit. Get rid (of both).

Total unreasonable of him! Tell him you will stop buying eachother gifts for 2 years then!

What a knob. This isn't like an ugly top that you can hide for a while and then surreptitiously get rid of, it's an expensive item! I'm wondering if he actually bought it far cheaper than it should have been, hence the insistence on you not being able to return it.

For the record you are absolutely not ungrateful or greedy. He asked you if you wanted it, you said no (for good reason, not because you wanted something more expensive) and he got it for you anyway, then said because of the expense you aren't getting any more presents for 2 years. Also wondering if he will pull this stunt again, or sneakily extend the no presents period for spurious reasons.

I repeat, what a knob.

I can absolutely guarantee that this is just one small example of what kind of controlling twat he is.

He ignores her wants and needs
He punishes her unfairly
He dismisses her thoughts and feelings.
He's arrogant

I'll bet good money this isn't an isolated thing...

He sounds horrible. I'm not a big gift person but it's cold to buy you one expensive gift you didn't want (for work use 😱) and that's it for years.

Action plan. Get the upgrade off work. Sell your laptop (saving on insurance). Have a plan what to do with the money and spend it immediately. I suggest jewellery or a holiday/ trip.

Yes because that’s sensible…. Throwing in the towel and an entire relationship just because of a gift situation

OP, how much was this laptop?

I think your DH is an arsehole tbh. He made a choice to buy you something, even after you declined. There was no agreement about it at all, he has made that up himself.

I think your DH is a cheap bastard tbh. I got DS a laptop for his birthday, It was my choice. Why would I punish him by not buying him anything again for years?

This is what your husband is doing to you. Punishing you for his own choices.

Oh well, he sounds like a fucking charmer doesn't he?

What kind of dickhead buys you an expensive present and then declares he's getting you fuck all for TWO YEARS?

Sell it, immediately spend the money on something else, and if he says anything, tell him that you did it because he bought you a duplicate device, wasted money and then declared no presents, so you are buying your own gifts now
.
Id be getting him nothing either for 2 years... Except a possible divorce.

*I'd have made him return it.

He did this because in his tiny mind it frees him from having to bother buying you a present for the next 2 years.

Sell the laptop that you told him you didn't want and use the money to buy things you want, when you want them. Designate them as birthday and Christmas gifts if it makes you feel better, but in reality that's a charade that serves little purpose.

Talk to him about how it's not big expensive gestures that you want but for him to show that he cares about you, listens and knows you so knows what you like and he's currently failing on all of these.

In future buy each other token presents and just buy your own stuff as and when you want it.

@PKNI Many food production lines include an X-ray scanner to check for foreign bodies, bits of metal, bones, stones etc. Also to check that bottles and cans are full.

The geiger counter is just used for H&S checks to make sure the machines aren't leaking X-rays.

Your husband is a controlling and thoughtless twat. Sorry OP.

He can’t keep the money if you sell it, it was a gift. I would sell it and buy myself something nice. Preferably a divorce lawyer.

No presents from the kids on Mother’s Day is mean beyond belief.

Buy him token gifts.
Buy yourself the thing you want.
Sell the expensive gift on ebay if he never sees it anyway.

Resolve to buy each other small gifts in future.

I really could not deal with this behaviour.
If it was me I would consider selling the laptop and treating myself with any money I got (as work are providing one).
I would buy what I wanted for myself in the future and give the dc money to buy me a token gift going forward which they would choose.
I would start saving secretly for a divorce.

Sounds like he bought it in a ‘black Friday’ sale for himself, then thought better if it and gave it to you.

Presents don’t need to be expensive. We are not big present givers. But the gesture of care is important, including demonstrating to the kids that giving works both ways. As you earn all the money, you can buy yourself whatever you want, but then the gesture isn’t there. It would be easy to be pig headed and say that means no presents for him either, but I don’t think that would help. I think you need to talk about this and draw a line under it. No more silly ‘Mummy got an expensive present 2 years ago, so can’t have one now’.

That sounds very unkind of him. That’s not the reason for gifts - to then take away all celebrations going forward - what a dick move.
:( that isn’t kind at all. As if celebrations are some kind of chore - he should be happy and excited to show you some kindness on Mother’s Day, etc -

this isn’t loving. This is very sad

I wonder if he got a very good deal on it or even if he won it somewhere, which is why you got landed with it! Has he always been weird about gifts?

I'd just buy a token gift from the kids for him going forward (like £10 value) plus card.

I'd buy my self a small item for kids to give me.

And tell him don't bother anymore because you won't be.

What a twat !
this would give me the serious ick, such an unattractive quality, being tight and disrespectful ☹️